Letter to Erin 20141231

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, my most beautiful Erin.  How is the most beautiful girl in the world?  Yes, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, because you are MY girl.  Mine, mine, MINE.  Happy New Year!!  Feliz Navidad!  Please pray with me that I get to build your house this year.  You must be on top of the world with your work, so please give thanks to Allah, and take good loving care of yourself.  Please eat properly, get lots of rest, and make lots of money for yourself.  You are such a sweetheart Erin, so please protect your emotions.  I want you to be sure that you are loved, and I will not abandon you inshaAllah.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141229

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

So how good is your spy network, Erin my beloved?  Yeah, I have no privacy, I haven't had any privacy in 25 years, it's one of the liabilities of music, the stinky part of the Pubic Eye.  But since I don't have any privacy anyway, you might as well bear witness that I am faithful, and faithful to you inshaAllah.  I don't slut around.  All I do is stay at home, I go out to shop when I need to, and to the Internet cafe to post this love letter and browse for videos.  Sometimes I eat out, budget permitting, but Allah has provided me with some knowledge of cooking.  I sing everyday for 2 hours after the noon prayer for my voice training, then I usually go out to blog after the Asr prayer.  I usually blog every other day, sometimes everyday, sometimes 3 days apart, and every couple of months or so I take a week of isolation away from the Internet, but it could be that I go blog anyway.  I'm always back by sunset inshaAllah.  Sometimes the weather prevents me from leaving the house, so I would be late with my letter.  There's always something for me to do here at home, but I'm a lazy man, so I like to lie back and watch TV or play video games or snuggle with my sweetie, but you're not here so I can't do that.  I wish you were with me so we can go everywhere together.  I want us to never be seen without each other. 

Please don't brood over remarks, negative or whatever, made by other people to you.  They don't belong in our world, so how could they ever know how it feels, or what's really going on?  Besides, have you ever met a skeptic that had talent or even potential?  Neither have I.  You are MY girl.  No matter what people say, know that I'm the one who loves and cares about you.  So please put your faith and trust in Allah, and in our love.  Place your faith and trust in Allah, and Allah will grant you a great reward.  As for me, I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141227

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Erin, please make a donation of a minimum of US$1 to a worthwhile charity.

Hi Erin my Sweetheart.  As you know, my mission is to stand my ground here and build a tourist attraction in the name of Allah, own the land that my little house and my grandfather's old house stand on, and build a house for you and studio for myself.  InshaAllah.

I have a problem though: I can't draw.  Well, I can't draw well.  I don't even have a vision of what kind of house would please you.  I suppose it would be a 2 level house with a master bedroom and 3 or 4 smaller bedrooms, with all the modern amenities.  What kind of house would you like?  Perhaps you would like to take up a new hobby: architecture.  Install one of those home design programs on your laptop, and build your house gradually as you travel, or relax.  The dimensions are 17 by 19.5 meters just for the house, and doesn't include the yard.  Again, that's meters.  Asia is metric.  Parking would be on the north side of the house, and the house is on the west side of the street.  And pray that Allah grants me the wealth I need to do this properly.

If you don't have anything by the time Allah grants me what I need inshaAllah, then I guess I'll have to turn to a professional architect.  We'll have to go to a pro anyway, but if you have your own vision, then I can build you the house of your dreams inshaAllah.  Please try to be modest, and not gaudy   A house where we can take root and raise a family.  There's an elementary school just a few houses away.  I'll probably be the runt of the family, but I still have a little bit of strength left.  I really like the Essex house that was on "This Old House".  Not so much the shape, but the modern amenities and the Universal design.  What do you think?  We won't have such a huge yard, but big enough inshaAllah.

Erin, you are my girl, and I want to marry you.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world.  It has become too easy to fall in love with you, so please hide your beauty and don't be complaisant in speech.  Try to stay at home if you're not working, and study the Qur'an.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141225

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beloved sweetheart Erin.  Are you feeling good today?  You are such a sweet, nostalgic girl.  Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.  Muslims celebrate Ramadan and the 2 Eids.  This is a Muslim community, so the Internet cafe is open and I am able to blog this love letter today.  I love you, and I need you.

I did grill a fish this morning.  I'm not celebrating Christmas, I'm just grilling a fish.  My Dad gave me a huge hardtail scad, and I spent the whole morning yesterday processing it.  Hardtail scad has no scales, but a thick skin which makes it perfect for stiffing and grilling.  It is the big fish that have the flavor, a strong and thick flavor, and a strong smell so when you gut it, the fishy smell lingers.  Yeah, it's fresh: it's just a fish with strong flavor.  I filleted it and kept the flesh for sashimi, took off the head and tail, and saved the skin and bones for grilling.  It was a big fish, so there was still a lot of flesh left.  The key to stuffing is that the stuffing has to be ready to eat before you stuff whatever.  For this fish, I blended onions then strained them and sauteed them in vinegar and anchovy bouillon.  Then I grilled it and basted it with butter.  Fancy some?  I'm not celebrating Christmas.  I'm just grilling a fish.

Letter to Erin 20141223

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, Dreamer Girl.  Any ordinary person would think that after all those sweet words I used in the last letter, you would be in a cuddly mood.  Instead, it put you in a fighting mood.  I hope you're not the type of girl who believes that two people who quarrel with each other all the time are actually really close.  The Japanese think that too.  That philosophy didn't work for Lupe Velez, though.  I believe patience works better.  I don't know what happiness is, but I'm absolutely certain that quarreling doesn't make me feel good.  Besides, I don't want to say anything to you that would hurt your feelings.  I want you to feel without any doubt at all that I love you, I would do all I can to protect you, and I will never abandon you inshaAllah.  I love you, and I need you.  But Allah is the Best to Protect.  You do me no favors by embracing slam.  Rather, Allah has conferred a favor upon you by guiding you to the faith.

To see a snake in a dream is a sign of deception, treachery, and danger thereof.  You must make an effort to kill any snake you see in a dream.  If I am there with you, I will kill the snake inshaAllah.  If the snake is the size of a python or anaconda, there is also a serious illness present.  If the snake is bigger than a python or anaconda, say maybe the size of a skyscraper, then the evil of human nature is meant.  Like conflict against countries, or international organizations criminal or otherwise.  No human can kill a giant snake, but that doesn't mean that you should just let it do whatever it wants.  You must find a way to defeat it.  Only God can kill that snake.  It is a dream though, so perhaps God might supply you with a giant sword or gun to fight the snake.  The cleaner your body is, the more reliable the information is that you get from your dreams.  So please stay clean, my beloved.

Qur'an 20141223

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

14.  And if an entry had been effected to them from the sides, and they had been incited to sedition, they would have certainly brought it to pass, with none but a brief delay!

15.  And yet they had already covenanted with Allah not to turn their backs, and a covenant with Allah must be answered for.

16.  Say, "Running away will not profit you if you are running away from death or slaughter, and even if, no more than a respite will you be allowed to enjoy!"

17.  Say, "Who is it that can screen you from Allah if it be God's wish to give you punishment, or to give you mercy?"  Nor will they find for themselves, besides Allah, any protector or helper.

18.  Verily Allah knows those among you who keep back, and those who say to their brethren, "Come along to us," but come not to the fight except for just a little while.

19.  Covetous over you.  Then when fear comes, you will see them looking at you, their eyes rolling like one over whom hovers death.  But when the fear is past, they will smite you with sharp tongues, covetous of goods.  Such men have no faith, and so Allah has made their deeds of no effect, and that is easy for Allah.

The Confederates 33:14-19
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Running away will not profit you if you are running away from death or slaughter, and even if, no more than a respite will you be allowed to enjoy!

Who is it that can screen you from Allah if it be God's wish to give you punishment, or to give you mercy?

Letter to Erin 20141220

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, beautiful heart.  How are you today, you wonderful, gorgeous girl?  How I long to be with you, my dearest Erin, and give you all my love.  Please don't you ever feel sad, because I want you to feel loved and loved and loved.  For I am the one who loves you, from here to the afterlife.  You are my heart, my wife.  I love you, and I need you.

I pray you are taking good, loving care of yourself.  I would love to be with you and help put your hair up in a knot, and make you a nice cashew shoot salad, but since I can't right now then I want you to eat properly, stay fit, and get lots of rest.  I hope you realize that you don't have to chase after the crowd anymore.  I am your public relations machine now, and you are my girl.  All you have to do is be beautiful.  And you are beautiful.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world.  I love you, Erin.  Sweet, beautiful Erin.

Letter to Erin 20141218

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

The song goes, "The waiting is the hardest part."  I've been waiting my whole life- I've never been married, even though I've always wanted to be married.  And I will never be successful in music business in the conventional way.  You know what I mean: aerobics in sync with dancers behind me while singing, and getting tattoos etc.  I have to make my own way, and that way is inspired by God.  While of course I can't let what people say corrupt my vision, the worst thing you can do is let the crowd tell you what to do.  Please remember that the crowd is not your friend.  A school of fish is a bait ball.

You must be patient and wait.  Ignore the crowd, and wait.  Yes, I know you have a tender heart which I so adore, but this time you must protect your emotions from the crowd.  My world is your world now, because you are MY girl.  So be in my world, and be oblivious to what people say.  You're taller than most of them anyway, so look over their heads, and think about your house.  How would you like your house to be?  Please have faith in God, maintain your prayers, and know that I love you, and I need you.

The smell of home made pizza is driving my kittens berserk.  You want some pizza?

Qur'an 20141218

28.  They say, "When will this decision be, if you are telling the truth?"

29.  Say, "On the Day of Decision, no profit will it be to unbelievers if they believe, nor will they be granted a respite."

30.  So turn away from them, and wait: they too are waiting.

The Prostration 32:28-30
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On the Day of Decision, no profit will it be to unbelievers if they believe, nor will they be granted a respite.

Letter to Erin 20141216

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Suddenly Erin rules over all models.  USA!  USA!  USA!

Next, a house for Erin.

At this time, I'm living in a little house right next door to my parents' house.  On the other side of my little house stands my grandfather's old house.  Nobody lives in there anymore except for beasts and jinns (I'm serious), it's made of wood and brick with zinc roofing, and it's totally run down and termite infested.  But it stands on a sizable piece of property.  It is my plan to own that land and the land that my little house stands on, and build a nice, large, and modern house for my wife.  InshaAllah.

That's you, Erin.  InshaAllah.  I love you and I need you.

And the little house I currently live in will be converted into my office/studio.  InshaAllah.  You won't ever have to live in this little house if you don't want to.  You will move into your house when it's ready.  InshaAllah.  I want you to be patient and wait, make lots of money for yourself, and maintain your chastity and your daily prayers.

Qur'an 20141216

10.  And they say, "What!  When we lie hidden and lost in the earth, shall we indeed be in a creation renewed?"  No, they deny the meeting with their Lord.

11.  Say, "The angel of death put in charge of you will take your souls, then shall you be brought back to your Lord."

The Prostration 32:10-11
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The angel of death put in charge of you will take your souls, then shall you be brought back to your Lord.

Letter to Julia 20141215

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Floofy has been very jealous of her own kittens lately.  Last night she came into the house, and began snarling at them, and at me because I was in the same room.  So I retreated to my bedroom, and she quickly slipped in with me.  Suddenly she was a different cat, wanting to be held and loved.  And she was crying: a tear was trickling down her right eye.  So I held her tightly for half an hour.  Poor Floofy.

Julia, I didn't know you were already married.  I found out yesterday.  My network is usually very efficient, that I would have been aware of this development as soon as it happened, but not this time.  I told you a while ago, I'm really not that smart.  Of course I was heartbroken.  And of course I cannot be married to a woman who is already married.  I would like to apologize for my being poor, for if I had had the money, I would have financed our marriage 5 years ago.  And I still don't have the money today.  So goodbye Julia, and best wishes.

Actually I feel kind of silly.  I should have caught on about a year ago, but Allah compensated for me for which I am grateful, that I still have my commitment to Erin.  I do love you, Erin.  Not just because I have a terrible weakness for pretty blondes, but also you seem to me to have a pure heart.  I need you.  And I will marry you inshaAllah.  Please be fully aware that I have a mission to please Allah with music, by my standing ground here and creating a tourist attraction, and you will be my wife.  With all due respect to you and your family, I cannot have you marry into my poverty, so when Allah grants me wealth enough to marry, that will be when we marry.  This is a spiritual situation, and marriage is a very serious business.  You must have faith and patience that that will happen inshaAllah, and be chaste and Islam.  Meanwhile, I pray that my commitment of marriage to you will enhance your business, and make you lots of money.  And I will build a house for you inshaAllah.  This is the situation given to me by inspiration from Allah for which I am grateful, where otherwise I would be just another dead rock star still generating revenue for the people who killed him.  Now it is time to close this folder of letters, and open a new one titled "Letter to Erin".  Erin, thank you for your love.

I took this photo about 5 years ago.  It's titled "The Kingfisher and the Stork".

Qur'an 20100317

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

3.  The unbelievers say, "Never to us will come the Hour."  Say, "No!  But most surely by my Lord, it will come upon you, by God who knows the unseen, from Whom is not hidden the least little atom in the heavens or on earth, nor is there anything less than that, or greater, but is in a Record Perspicuous."

4.  That God may reward those who believe and work deeds of righteousness: for such is Forgiveness, and a Sustenance most Generous.

5.  But those who strive against Our Signs, to frustrate them- for such will be a Penalty- a Punishment most humiliating.

6.  And those to whom Knowledge has come see that this sent down to you from your Lord- that is the Truth, and that it guides to the Path of the Exalted, Worthy of all praise.

Sheba 34:3-6
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No!  But most surely by my Lord, it will come upon you, by God who knows the unseen, from Whom is not hidden the least little atom in the heavens or on earth: nor is there anything less than that, or greater, but is in a Record Perspicuous.

Letter to Julia 20141213

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my most beautiful Julia and Erin.  You are the most beautiful girls in the world.  You are my wives, inshaAllah.  How are you feeling right now?  I pray you are feeling great, and having a great time.  Please maintain your prayers and be good girls.  I want you to know that I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

For dinner I had 2 pizzas.  Well you weren't here, so I ate both.  Well, I was hungry.  Don't worry, they were only 8" pizzas.  I made home made halal beef sausage and basil pizzas again.  Oh my God, that home made halal beef sausage is SO good.  Ya Allah, thank You for bounty and the knowledge You have given me.  After the last time I made my home made halal beef sausage, I couldn't find ground beef anywhere.  Not even beef burgers.  So I had to make my own minced beef.  I bought about a kilo of imported beef, from was from India I think, which is cheaper than local beef, and minced that up in my spice grinder.  I asked the butcher to give me the fatty parts, but there was a bit of gristle in there.  But otherwise my mincing the beef in the spice grinder worked, and I was able to make the sausage.  Totally awesome for pizza.  You must try some.  Now if only I can find halal sausage casing so I can make links.  Incidentally, after I minced my own beef, ground beef was suddenly everywhere again.  Coincidence?  Nah.  Annoying.

Qur'an 20141213

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

23.  But if any reject faith, let not his rejection grieve you.  To Us is their return, and We shall tell them the truth of their deeds, for Allah knows well all that is in hearts.

24.  We grant them their pleasure for a little while.  In the end shall We drive them to a chastisement unrelenting.

25.  If you ask them Who it is that created the heavens and the earth, they will certainly say, "Allah."  Say, "Praise be to Allah."  But most of them understand not.

Luqman  31:23-25
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Praise be to Allah.

Letter to Julia 20141210

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello again, my dearest beautiful Julia.  I feel that you are busy, with more business than ever.  Do your best my gorgeous sweetheart, and make lots of money for yourself.  I want you to be super successful, and I want you to know that you are loved, and I am here and faithful, I love you and I will marry you inshaAllah.  I need you.  Thank you for your love.

And you, sweet and kind hearted Erin, you are truly as beautiful as your beautiful heart.  Please don't be sad, I want you to know that your goodness is appreciated, what a beautiful and wonderful girl you are.  I want you to know that I love you, and I will marry you inshaAllah.  You are loved, you are loved.  I love you and I need you.  Thank you for your love.

It's December already, huh?  It could be you are already feeling lonely, it's cold, but you're a grown up now living your own life, and the month can be long and hectic.  Please don't be lonely, for loneliness doesn't know its day, so it will disturb you the same way some other day if you let it.  Please don't be lonely, because I love you, I wish I were there with you to keep you company, and help protect you, and brush your hair.  You must understand the contradiction of being a professional girl in the public eye and wanting to be in the company of loved ones all the time.  But even normal people have a tough time with quality time, because life isn't supposed to be easy.  So it's the same all over, for even we are normal, as we seek to be happy together and make a happy family.  I love you, and I want to give you the best and happiest life and afterlife.  So please be patient, and pray, for every day is a holiday, so don't let nostalgia kill you, for we are family.  You are living your own life now, in a reality blessed by God inshaAllah.  Mrs. Global.

Ya Allah, thank you for Julia and Erin.  They are the most beautiful women in the world to me, and I love them dearly.  Please protect them, and strengthen their hearts and their faith.

Letter to Julia 20141208

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello, my beautiful Julia.  How are you feeling today, my beloved?  I pray that things are fun and easy for you.  I want you to know that I love you dearly, and I need you.  And you too, my beautiful Erin.  I love you, and I need you.  You are my wives inshaAllah.

Tonight is movie night on Shadowplay TV!  No, it's not a sports movie, it's an action movie.  Packed with constant, heart-stopping action.  It's been a long while since I found a good current movie.  Maybe it's bad advertising or lack of production talent, but I found this one while browsing for video games.  It was made by a kid just out of high school.  well, he didn't program the game.  It's Tomb Raider 2013, starring Lara Croft, the deadly girl with ridiculously powerful hands.  You can tell it's a video game because:

1.  She never runs out of ammo.
2.  She finds weapons conveniently lying around.
3.  She doesn't lose any of her weapons even when she's captured and tied up.
4.  That skimpy top of hers never falls to pieces despite all that sliding and grinding around.

But it's an surprisingly awesome movie.  Pagan gods are the creation of humans like the pagan god in this game was programmed by humans.  The only real God is Allah, High above all.  Allah is God, and God is the Reality.

Letter to Julia 20141206

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

After my voice training today, I fed the fish and the cats as I usually do.  Floofy, Chee Cheah, and Simper spend most of their time outdoors, so after taking care of the kitten tornado, I went outside to feed the adults.  I could hear a storm coming, so I went to check it out.  Over my house was a black cloud but of dragonflies, millions of them, hovering over my house.  Then immediately the storm started pelting down.  No One puts on a show like Allah.  Glory to Allah.

I gave my kittens their first official snack today.  My Dad gave me half a fried red snapper head.  I picked out the meat and gave the rest to the kittens.  They didn't know what it was at first, but ---- was the first to dig in.  The others followed suit, growling and punching at each other.  ---- was the only one who didn't take the snarlfest seriously, and lay back in the distance just watching.  I had to pick her up and put her in front of the fish head to get her started.  So my kittens are old enough to dismantle a fish head.  Soon the boys will become sexually mature, and they will have to spend most of their time outside.  It's a shame to put Batty outside because he's so fluffy.  But I don't want him to pee on my laundry.

Erin sweetie, I saw your HSN video.  The audio was awfully tinny, I had a hard time understanding it.  But I got the gist of it.  Your Dad sounded absolutely thrilled on the phone.  I guess he's happy you don't have to be naked to earn a living, and I'm glad too.  I want to remind you and Julia to use Internet video as often as possible to interact with me.  And don't confine yourself to one product, OK?  Make some connections in the halal food business.

You are my wives, inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141204

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

YOOOOOOLIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Hello there my beloved Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today, my beloved wives?  I pray that you are feeling great, and having an awesome time.  Time, time.  My time seems to be my own nowadays alhamdulillah, but my mind is corrupted by not having much money, so I bide time and supplies until I receive the next supply of money.  Gah, I hate the material world.  But my dreams were great last night despite the usual downside of having too much fame.  Am I to tell you here about my dreams?  Nah.  I'll tell you when I can whisper into and kiss your ear, and you can tell the crowd what I said after I'm dead.   But I would rather they didn't know as they didn't care before.  Let them fear and worship Allah.

Hey, this Kalles Fraktaler burning ship video doesn't seem right.  I don't know the exact math, but it doesn't seem logical that the -y is rounded instead of tapered.  At lease in comparison with other burning ship videos.  Oh, well.  I've started interest in video gameplay.  In spite having my time to myself, I can't indulge in too much video gaming, not as much as I used to.  I don't have the patience anymore, and I can't ruin my hands, so I just enjoy watching other people kick ass.  Say, Bayonetta looks kind of like me.  Well, actually no.  I'm not pretty, and I'm built like a chimpanzee.  Wah!  I wanna be pretty too!  Anyway, the story is a "good vs evil" where good is pagan as human, and evil is pagan as divine.  Human is expressed as superior in this story because humans "make their own future".  Yeah, humans can make their own future- if it be the Will of Allah.  If you're going to play spiritual games, then make sure you know Who is the Boss.

Erin, I saw your children's hospital video.  I must say that you are so very beautiful, and you have a beautiful heart to match.  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  Please maintain your prayers.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141204

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

41.  Mischief has appeared on land and sea because of that the hands of humans have earned.  That may give them a taste of some of their deeds, in order that they may turn back.

42.  Say, "Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those before, most of them worshipped others besides God."

The Romans 30:41-42
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Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those before, most of them worshipped others besides God.

Letter to Julia 20141202

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful Julia and Erin!  Are you excited?  I am.  I wonder why?  Maybe I did too many push ups.  Otherwise, I'm just hanging out at home, doing some TV programming.  I've been doing a lot of physical labor and running around, so I'm trying to take it easy right now.  I wish I could do everything by telekinesis, but I had to roll my egg rolls by hand.  They were stuffed with tofu, fish balls, bean sprouts, garlic, kaffir lime shoots, and egg, all chopped up for convenience of rolling.  I had planned to fry them up for a crispy treat, then I tried one plain, and it was so awesome alhamdulillah that I ate them all plain.  Very healthy and refreshing.  Oh no!  I didn't leave any for you!  Well you didn't show up for dinner, so I ate them all.  I had a lot of stuffing left over, so I had the egg rolls fried for lunch the next day.  Fried egg rolls tasted better with mustard and soy sauce, but I still can't abide with all that grease.  There's something about egg rolls that absorb a lot of grease.  Maybe my oil wasn't hot enough.

Have you noticed I haven't made any VS jokes?   I do have one.  It's a secret.  Erin, I can't wait to see you in the VS fashion show.  You are so beautiful.  So are you, Julia.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141130

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

What a month it's been!  I pray you both are feeling great, and having lots of fun.  Please maintain your prayers.  I see your nose has sparked a wave of German nationalism, Julia.  Am I correct?  Well, you do have a beautiful nose.  I love your nose.  Now from what I understand from studying the Qur'an, I believe that God's consideration of Rasputin is that he "was disdainful of God's gifts, and gave himself up to worldly enjoyment."  I'm sure there are some spiritual healers out there, and they are not witchdoctors because they don't use magic.  All I do is put people and animals to sleep, mashaAllah.

I went to the cat show yesterday.  There were a LOT of people there.  So many people, but not that many cats.  But I was there early at 10 am though, so I'm sure some of the stars had not shown up yet.  They had the show at the snake farm.  I came eye to eye with a king cobra.  Very creepy.  Makes me want to carry a shotgun.  I hate snakes.  They scare me, and fill me with the urge to kill.  Anyway, speaking of cats, poor little Bat Cat has acquired a serious disposition.  This is because his mother is so strict with him.  She's strict with all the kittens, but more so with Batty.  She doesn't tolerate any frivolity or innuendo from him whatsoever.  But he has been extremely well behaved.

It's almost time for the VS fashion show!!  I can't wait to see my sweetie!  I'm sure she's going to be so beautiful.  You are going to be there Erin, are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you? 

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141128

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I've been watching the Olympic figure skating championships since Katarina Witt, and there's an interesting sequence in the gold medal winners.  Let's see... Germany, Germany, Ukraine, USA, USA, Japan, South Korea, and Russia.  Does this sound like the current politics you're embroiled in, Julia dearest?  Must be BIG money.  Well, don't think "World War One": I think that's the wrong perspective.  Please remember that you are my wife, inshaAllah.  And I am merely a servant of Allah.  Since I'm so hard to reach, people are trying to reach you in order to reach me.  Just pretend you're already here.  Geographically.

And Erin dearest, I'm going to do the same questionnaire you did with LynetteJoselly.com 2012.  So I'm slow, OK?

Q:  Tell us about the VS very sexy tour.
A:  I'm too lazy to tour.

Q:  Describe yourself in 3 words.
A:  Unknown, Vague, Islam.

Q:  A message to upcoming models.
A:  Be cautious in love.

Q:  Are you a sporty or a girly-girl?
A:  Girly-girl.

Q:  Tell us about the Very Sexy Spring 2012 collection.
A:  You should ask Erin that.

Q:  When do you feel the most sexy?
A:  15 minutes after I wake up in the morning.

Q:  What is your favorite exercise?
A:  Chopping trees, as long as it falls in the right direction.

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141125

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beautiful Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are feeling healthy and confident, and having a great time.  Everyone around me seems to be rushing around.  I'm already where I'm supposed to go, so it's pointless for me to rush around.  But the weather keeps me on my toes- it has been very wet lately.  So I've been taking it slow.  I've started playing pinball again, and I'm totally out of practice.  I've become very bulky in my old age: I'm bumping into walls and crushing things in my path, so I've lost much sensitivity and fast reflexes needed for pinball.  I did cut the grass by the road outside of Casa de Julia inshaAllah.  The grass was so wet, and itched very much when it splattered on my face.  Nothing special on the menu either.  I've been finishing off that awesome home made beef sausage, so it's been a lot of pizza for me.  I had some eggplant, so I hollowed them out and stuffed them with sauce, sausage, and cheese.  Tasted refreshing, but the pizza tasted better.  Sausage, eggplant and basil pizza.  Yummy and greasy.  I love grease.  I'm a bad boy.

This happens to be my week of isolation, so you won't hear from me again until Friday or Saturday.  Please take good loving care of yourselves in my absence.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141125

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

49.  No, here are Signs self-evident in the hearts of those endowed with knowledge, and none but the unjust reject Our Signs.

50.  Yet they say, "Why are not Signs sent down to him from his Lord?"  Say: "The Signs are indeed with Allah, and I am indeed a clear warner."

51.  And is it not enough for them that We sent down to you the Book which is rehearsed to them?  Verily, in it is Mercy and a Reminder to those who believe.

52.  Say: "Enough is Allah for a Witness between me and you: God knows what is in the heavens and on earth, and it is those who believe in vanities and reject Allah, that will perish."

53.  They ask you to hasten on the Punishment: had it not been for a term appointed, the Punishment would certainly have come to them, and it will certainly reach them- of a sudden, while they perceive not!

54.  They ask you to hasten on the Punishment: but of a surety, hell will encompass the rejecters of Faith!

55.  On the Day that the Punishment shall cover them from above them and from below them, and shall say: "Taste you of your deeds!"

56.  O My servants who believe!  Truly spacious is My Earth, therefore serve you Me!

57.  Every soul shall have a taste of death: in the end to Us shall you be brought back.

58.  But those who believe, and work deeds of righteousness- to them shall We give a Home in Heaven: lofty mansions which flow rivers, to dwell therein for aye- an excellent reward for those who do!

59.  Those who persevere in patience, and put their trust in their Lord and Cherisher.

60.  How many are the creatures that carry not their own sustenance?  It is Allah who feeds them and you, for God hears and knows.

61.  If indeed you ask them who has created the heavens and the earth, and subjected the sun and the moon, they will certainly reply, "Allah".  How are they then deluded away?

62.  Allah enlarges the sustenance to whichever of God's servants God pleases: and God grants by measure, for Allah has full knowledge of all things.

63.  And if indeed you ask them who it is that sends down rain from the sky, and gives life therewith to the earth after its death, they will certainly reply, "Allah!"  Say: "Praise be to Allah!" but most of them understand not.

The Spider 29:49-63
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The Signs are indeed with Allah, and I am indeed a clear warner.

Enough is Allah for a Witness between me and you: God knows what is in the heavens and on earth, and it is those who believe in vanities and reject Allah, that will perish.

Praise be to Allah!

Qur'an 20141124

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

45.  Recite what is sent of the Book by inspiration to you, and establish regular prayer, for prayer restrains from shameful and unjust deeds.  And rememberance of Allah is the greatest, without doubt.  And Allah knows what you do.

46.  And dispute you not with the people of the Book except with means better, unless it be with those of them who inflict wrong.  But say, "We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you: our God and your God is One, and it is to God we bow".

47.  And thus, that We have sent down the Book to you.  So the people of the Book believe therein, as also do some of these, and none but unbelievers reject Our Signs.

The Spider  29:45-47
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We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you: our God and your God is One, and it is to God we bow.

Letter to Julia 20141122

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I'm pleased to announce that the search results for your videos have at least tripled since last week.  This is good news because it's not Google.  The bad news is that some of them are misleading.  Well, you know what I mean.  It's like you're playing ice hockey.

That's just the Internet.  It's become obvious that more and more people are smelling the money.  Suddenly you're not in too big of a hurry to get married, huh?  Well, take your time.  Make lots of money for yourselves, please.  It does not reflect well on your reputation and your destiny that you lag behind, but I forgive you.  What I care about is your chastity, and your Islam.  Don't be extremists, just maintain your prayers with sincerity, and do the best you can with the situation that Allah has given you.  This is what will matter to me when my time comes, rather when the money comes to me inshaAllah.  Then I will build your house.

I want you to know that you are loved, and I am here for you, and faithful inshaAllah.  So hang in there.  No matter what some people may say or do, you are loved, you are loved.  I will not abandon you, inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141119

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

There's a cat show in town!  Yes, even out here in the sticks, there's a cat show.  It's actually quite popular, and they've been having the event annually for quite a while already.  No, I'm not participating.  I just love my cats, that's all.

Have I introduced you to my kittens?  The leader is clearly Bob Cat.  He's mouse colored, with stripes on the legs.  He's long, slender, and very fast.  He is the closest in looks to the father.  If a cat could be macho and gallant, then that's Bob Cat.

The other boy is Bat Cat, a black and white cat with cute little black spots on his hind legs.  He's also the most intelligent, but he uses his brains to plot some new naughtiness.  He's also full of innuendo, which his mother dislikes.  I've seen her give him a slap just for the way he looked at her.

------- looks just like Mama Cat Floofy al-Ramadan who is a white and blonde calico, except that she has a stubby tail.  She can be very aggressive, especially about her food.  She's always the first to punch and box the others over some cat food.  I've learned to keep my hand far away from her when putting down the cat food.

At first I thought ---- was a calico/tortoiseshell, but when I looked up Google images, she's closest to an American shorthair with a white underbelly and legs.  She's also the athlete of the bunch, and can jump and scale great heights.

Lastly, ---- is a white and grey calico.  She's a dainty little thing, the waif girl if you will.  She's also the softest, with the sweetest personality.  None of my kittens purr for me, but she once gave a short purr when I told her I would give her some extra food.  Why won't they purr for me?  I guess I'm technically their mother's human, not theirs.

P.S.  Julia and Erin, I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141119

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

18.  And if you reject, so did generations before you.  And the duty of the messenger is only to preach publicly.

19.  See they not how Allah originates creation, then repeats it: truly that is easy for Allah.

20.  Say, "Travel through the earth and see how Allah did originate creation, so will Allah produce a later creation, for Allah has power over all things."

The Spider  29:18-20
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Travel through the earth and see how Allah did originate creation, so will Allah produce a later creation, for Allah has power over all things.

Letter to Julia 20141118

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Life is not supposed to be easy.  It's not supposed to be fair, it's not supposed to be perfect.  You know this.  One thing is for certain, is that Allah will test your faith.  It is up to you to be patient and persevering, for if you despair, it means you never had any faith to begin with.  I can tell you that Allah has granted you great beauty.  I can see this.  You have what most other women desire, so give thanks to Allah.  You also have what most men crave, so please take appropriate behavior to protect yourselves.  When we are married inshaAllah, I will help to protect you, but until then please take loving care of yourselves.

I want to remind you that it is very lonely at the top.  Very, very few people will understand your problems.  But you are at the top.  So accept your fate, and deal with it.  This is a spiritual game you're playing now, so be aware of it.  Don't let people sway you, and they will always try.  They may claim that they will bear your faults, but they can't.  You are in spiritual reality now: you are responsible for your own soul.  With Allah as my Witness, I am with you, and I am faithful.  So please be patient, and pray.  Put your trust in Allah, be vigilant, and do the best you can.  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Urgh... I was impatient with my fried calamari, but I was hungry.  I had too little oil, and too much calamari.  It didn't matter that the oil was super hot.  It didn't turn out perfect.  A combination of eating too much and imperfection.  Next time, I'll be more patient.  Urgh again.

Letter to Julia 20141116

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful Julia and Erin!  How are you feeling today, my dearest wives?  I pray that you are feeling great, and having a great time.  I've been staying at home most of the time, because I had to stay within my budget.  My bamboo shoots stew turned out quite well.  I flavored it with salted fish and anchovy bouillon, then added onions, garlic, seaweed, a pinch of rice, julienned kaffir lime shoots, and some krill.  It must be somewhat OK, because it earned me "A Snort and a Scowl" award from my mother, the most competitive cook on the planet.  I love you, Mom!

Hey Erin, don't stand so close to that guy.  You don't have to be so close to him to fit into the picture.  You know as well as I do that even normal lens have a fairly wide view, that you can be about a yard away from him.  Even in the middle of a dense crowd.  I want you to start carrying an umbrella with you, so you can be at least an umbrella's length away from strange guys.  It would also be handy to whack people with, if the need arises.  When we marry inshaAllah, I intend to keep you and Julia with me at all times.  If I have to go pray at the mosque, you will be coming with me.  I might even take you with me to throw out the garbage.

On a more serious note, I want to remind you that we are a Muslim family.  So please do not give your endorsement to enemies of God (atheists, pagans, satanists, etc).  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141116

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

84.  If any do good, the reward to him is better than his deed, but if any do evil, the doers of evil are only punished of their deeds.

85.  Verily God Who ordained the Qur'an for you, will bring you back to the Place of Return.  Say, "My Lord knows best who it is that brings true guidance, and who is in manifest error."

86.  And you did not expect that the Book would be sent to you except as a Mercy from your Lord.  Therefore, lend not your support in any way to those who reject.

The Narrations  28:84-86
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My Lord knows best who it is that brings true guidance, and who is in manifest error.

Letter to Julia 20141113

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ach!  I'm sorry my writings have been sparse as of late, but I'm afraid I'm flat broke right now.  Kitten overruns.  It can't be helped, because these kittens are celebrities, so I have to treat them as best as I can.  They're so beautiful, Julia, Erin.  Especially when they look up at you all together.  Assorted kittens of different flavors.  Truly I am a sucker for beauty.  So I'm kind of paralyzed until the 21st, when I can start spending again.  I'm going to have to drop a bunch of coins at the Internet cafe.  Even so, not much.  Please forgive me.

I still have a lot of steak left over fromt the last Eid, and beef goes a long way.  Plus I have a sack of onions, some eggs and flour, so for dinner tonight is steak, egg and sauteed onion burritos.  Big fat ones.  I fried up the onions in last night's pizza sauce, so the onions carry most of the flavor, so I don't need mayo or hot sauce or anything like that.  I do have a lot of bamboo shoots, so I'm going to have to eat that.  I have one last block of noodles and after that, I'm going to have to make my own noodles.  There's nothing all that special about home made noodles.  Noodles are noodles.  Fresh noodles have to be used immediately.

Hey I hope you are having a great time, and feeling great.  I look forward to seeing you, and how beautiful you are.  Please take good, loving care of yourselves.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141113

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

71.  Say, "Do you see?  If Allah were to make the night perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you enlightenment?  Will you not then hearken?"

72.  Say, "Do you see?  If Allah were to make the day perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you a night in which you can rest?  Will you not then see?"

73.  It is out of God's Mercy that God had made for you night and day, that you may rest therein, and that you may seek of God's Grace, and in order that you may be grateful.

The Narrations 28:71-73
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Do you see?  If Allah were to make the night perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you enlightenment?  Will you not then hearken?

Do you see?  If Allah were to make the day perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you a night in which you can rest?  Will you not then see?

Letter to Julia 20141110

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ah!  I'm pleased to announce that my home made halal beef sausage was a resounding success.  My sausage and basil pizza was like from heaven.  And the beauty is that there's no pig in it!  I put my beef sausage up against any Chicago pizza.  I once met an heir of a Chicago sausage maker back while I was at the pizza joint.  I won't mention the family name, but if one were to hear it then one would think to oneself, "That's the family name of a sausage maker for sure."

Mystery of the Worms: the stool of my kittens have been soft recently.  I thought that it was stress from the intense weather lately, then I saw white specks in the stool.  I took a closer look, and the white specks were wriggling!  I went to the vet first thing this morning, but how did those worms get there?  They don't go outside the house.  They eat only cat food.  The sand didn't have any worms in it.  Their mother had a worm shot.  Sure they like to put things in their mouths and play with it, but my house has never been so clean: the little brats make me mop everywhere at least twice a day with bleach.  Well, like Sherlock Holmes said, "If you rule out the impossible, what's left is the solution."  It's either the sand or the cat food.

Of course the first type of people you would find on the Internet are the perverts.  I especially hate the perverts that pass themselves off as intellectuals, when sexual perversion is a base instinct.  Like a "De Sadean scholar" carries himself like a gourmet, yet we all know what it is he likes to eat.  Another thing Julia, is that I love your nose.  I told you before that I love your nose, and I don't want you to change it.  Julia, you have a beautiful nose.  It's a magnificent and regal nose.  If anybody tells you that you should change your nose, give me their names and I'll have them firebombed.  Just kidding!  Maybe.

Erin, I saw the list of models for the next VS fashion show, and your name wasn't there.  What!!  Where's my sweetie?  Are you perhaps doing a cameo?  Are you going to be masquerading as a rock star?  Are you going to be disguised as Todd Thomas?

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141110

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

48.  But when the Truth comes to them from Ourselves, they say, "Why are not sent to him like those which were sent to Moses?"  Didn't they reject which were formerly sent to Moses?  They say, "Two kinds of sorcery, each assisting the other!"  And they say, "For us, we reject it all!"

49.  Say, "Then bring you a Book from Allah which is a better Guide than either of them, that I may follow it, if you are truthful!"

50.  But if they hearken not to you, know that they only follow their own lusts.  And who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, devoid of guidance from Allah?  For Allah guides not people given to wrongdoing.

The Narrations 28:48-50
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Then bring you a Book from Allah which is a better Guide than either of them, that I may follow it, if you are truthful!

Letter to Julia 20141108

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello, my beloved Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling right now?  It's been a rough 2 weeks for me, so right now I'm taking it easy, and catching up with some kitchen work.  I made some sardine dip, dough, and right now I'm simmering some red snapper head broth for my noodles.  I think I'll make some beef sausage next.  No, I don't have any casing.  Where can I get halal sheep intestine here?  Sardine dip is not just for dipping bread with, but makes an awesome base for many things like soups, pizza, and fried noodles.  Oh yeah, I think I'll make some sausage pizza tonight.  Want some?

Again I urge you to interact with me using Internet video.  I am firmly convinced that this is very lucrative for you and your bosses, and I want you to make some money.  Whatever you have to say to me, say it in a commercial.  The beauty is that it can be any product, as long as it's halal.  You can ignore comments and statistics, because they are irrelevant.  Shadowplay TV is the best and most watched TV station in the world, mashaAllah.  Just make sure you are well paid, and that your intentions and communication do not get twisted.  So please don't sign with just anybody, and beware of scripted realities.  Have fun, for God's sake.  Just remember that we are a Muslim family, so please be good girls.

I will search for your videos whenever I go to the Internet cafe, whenever that may be.  I will use the search string "julia stegner erin heatherton".  Don't just limit yourself to Google.  It's a great big world out there, and your money may come from anywhere like Russia, Thailand, Saudi Arabia, etc. and can snowball into television, radio and print.  Tell your agents to think big.  I am your husband inshaAllah, and it is my responsibility to provide for you.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141105

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

So all of a sudden, you both are Queen of the Internet.  How did that happen?  From watching your videos, I have come to the conclusion that you both are very, very naughty.  You are as naughty as a gang of kittens.  I love you all the more, but I have a small request: please don't pee on my floor?

But seriously Julia, watching you gives me heart disease.  I must really, really love you.  And you too, Erin.  Perhaps I'm just too sensitive when it comes to you.  You both must take that leap of faith, and use this medium to interact with me.  Just forget the rest of the world, be oblivious, ignore comments and statistics, and interact with me.  You don't have to say much of anything.  All you have to do is be beautiful, and you are beautiful.  You are very beautiful, you are the most beautiful girls in the world, because you are MY girls.  MINE, MINE.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.  Shadowplay TV is the best and most watched TV station in the world, mashaAllah.  Make sure you charge steep prices for endorsements.  This is a gold mine, after all it's a global market.  No, I don't want to consume your hard earned money.

Here, let me do my part.  I'll do the same Q & A by Free People:

Q:  If you could go on a date with anyone, who would it be?
A:  I don't date.  I make a commitment and marry, and I already know who I want to marry.

Q:  Your most prized possession?
A:  My copy of the Qur'an which I bought in 1999 at a Middle Eastern restaurant/grocery store.  I asked the clerk to wrap it up for me because my hands were dirty, and he gave me a dirty look.  Actually, it belongs to God, so it's not MY possession.

Q:  Do you like cats or dogs?
A:  Hands down cats, but I don't mind dogs, especially the ones that are well loved and well taken care of.  By the way, Casper used to be my drummer's name, but now I do my own drumming.  That's reminds me, I didn't post this video properly a few years ago.

Q:  What's one word that describes you?  Why?
A:  Unknown.  I don't know.

P.S. Please be good girls.  Sorry to make you even more famous.

Letter to Julia 20141104

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Did you like that song, Julia?  Isn't that beautiful music?  At first, I had some other video to post for your birthday.  But right now I'm studying about Badfinger, and I found that song to be so much more appropriate.  The history of Badfinger is very sad, with complex roots that involve the Beatles, and the impact on entertainment business still resonates today, and has gone global.  People aren't aware of it, and they forget the music, but those who remember know that the music is very beautiful.  You and Erin should look up the story of Badfinger.  If you can find it.

And how are you doing, Erin sweetie?  Are you having a great time?  It must be awesome to be as beautiful as you and Julia.  Don't forget that it gets very lonely at the top, and that's one reason why we must marry.  I want to keep you close to me at all times.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Floofy has run out of milk.  Which must be awkward for her, because she is cooped up all night inside the house with kittens that are always hungry and naughty.  At times she plays with them, but when she's not in the mood to play, she hisses and snarls at them.  Especially at Bob Cat and Bat Cat.  The boys can get really obnoxious.  I guess she's saying, "Get the human to give you food."  Well, feeding time is dawn and 4pm.  You are invited anytime.  No, not for cat food.  Tonight the human food is steak and fries.  Crinkle cut!

Letter to Julia 20141102

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Happy birthday, beautiful Julia.  I love you, and I need you. I want to marry you.

It is my goal to build your house, and to take good loving care of you and Erin.

Qur'an 20141102

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

91.  For me, I have been commanded to serve the Lord of this city, God Who has sanctified it, and Whose is all things.  And I am commanded to be of those who bow in Islam.

92.  And to rehearse the Qur'an.  And if any accept guidance, they do it for the good of their own souls.  And if any stray say, "I am only a warner."

93.  And say, "Praise be to Allah Who will soon show you God's Signs, so that you shall know them."  And your Lord is not unmindful of all that you do.

The Ants 27:91-93
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I am only a warner.

Praise be to Allah Who will soon show you God's Signs, so that you shall know them.

Letter to Julia 20141031

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Bobby-Wobby's voice has broken!  He has a REAL meow now, and he doesn't squeak like a kitten like the others.  What a macho cat.  **sob**  My Bobby-Wobby has grown up!  He's a big boy now.  No, he's a MAN.  I mean, cat.  My kittens are 3 and a half months old now, and they are beautiful and healthy.  Alhamdulillah.

I had never eaten snails before.  Out there in the mud of the Perlis coast lives a snail which the locals call "belitong".  I was at the market this morning, and got myself a red snapper, and I picked up a kilo of these snails.  When I got home, I showed one to my Mom, and she said "Yes, it looks like garden snail."  I asked her how these things are usually cooked.  She told me to clean them up, and fry up a sauce of blended onions, garlic, ginger and peppers.  The snails are cone shaped, and the tips have to be snipped off so the meat can be sucked and slurped out of the shell.  This is where Iron Chef misled me, because I thought these snails would be like escargot and generate broth, so I made the sauce light in flavor.  I told my Mom that these snails didn't make any broth and she said "Yes, they don't make any broth."  Now she tells me.  She also told me that they won't keep past a day, so I refried them for dinner with a stronger sauce.  I think that snails taste thicker than shellfish.  Also, it was hard for me to tell if a snail was dead when I prepped them, and there were so many of them, so when I came across a dead snail when I ate, I slurped up a solid helping of coastal mud.  Gag!  Next time I'll be more meticulous.  I was snailed out by the end of the night.  Seemed like more than a kilo, though.

Julia, the world is going bonkers over your 30th birthday.  They're making me feel like a sleazebag, because all I can afford is to post a cheesy virtual card and a video.  I'm so very sorry for being poor, please forgive me.  It seems to me that your 30th birthday has lasted a whole month so far.  Well, I need to balance out my TV station because I have more videos of Erin over Julia, so starting Sunday I will be searching the Internet for more of your videos.  Please have the videos you don't want me to see removed.  I hate bad news, and I hate lies.

Erin, you are such a sweetheart!  You have such a kind heart.  People talk to you and think, "She's so sweet, she must be hiding something."  They don't appreciate what a heart of gold you have, and take your goodness for granted.  Well, I appreciate how sweet you are, you beautiful little treasure you.  Just remember that it gets lonely at the top but don't worry, I'll marry you and keep you close to me.  InshaAllah.  You are not alone.  Please don't forget I have to marry Julia first.

Julia and Erin, you are my wives.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141029

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ugh... I still don't feel good.  I'm so dizzy and nauseous, I have stomach cramps, and my chest is so congested it almost feels like... pneumonia.  It's going away, slowly.  InshaAllah.  I just want to lie around and watch TV.

Sorry to moan about my sickness.  I bought some assorted crabs at the night market Monday.   Crab here is frustratingly small although plentiful, but not small enough to fry whole.  So I decided to take a different approach.  Most of the meat is in the body, so I separated the bodies and put them in the cooler.  I'm thinking crab nuggets rolled in hot wing sauce.  What do you think?  Which leaves the legs and claws, so I squeezed out the meat with a rolling pin.  There's quite a lot of meat if you're patient enough to extract it.  Looks like it's stuffed won tons with crab tomorrow.  Want some?  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141029

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

65.  Say, "None in the heavens or on earth, except Allah, knows what is hidden.  Nor can they perceive when they shall be raised up."

66.  Still less can their knowledge comprehend the Hereafter.  No, they are in doubt and uncertainty thereat.  No, they are blind thereunto!

67.  The unbelievers say, "What!  When we become dust, we and our fathers, shall we really be raised?"

68.  "It is true we were promised this, we and our fathers before.  These are nothing but tales of the ancients."

69.  Say, "Go you through the earth, and see what has been the end of those guilty."

70.  But grieve not over them, nor distress yourself because of their plots.

71.  They also say, "When is this promise, if you are truthful?"

72.  Say, "It may be that some of the events which you wish to hasten may be in your pursuit!"

73.  But verily your Lord is full of grace to humans, yet most of them are ungrateful.

The Ants  27:65-73
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None in the heavens or on earth, except Allah, knows what is hidden.  Nor can they perceive when they shall be raised up.

Go you through the earth, and see what has been the end of those guilty.

It may be that some of the events which you wish to hasten may be in your pursuit!

Letter to Julia 20141028

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that you, the both of you, were growing taller.  And taller.  And taller.  Until you were towering over all the other models.  Erin, I saw your interview with Dan Patrick, but I don't think my dream has anything to do with that.

I have been ill.  I guess all that driving around in the rain finally got to me, but it couldn't be helped because I had love letters to send.  This time the Flu Virus Collective targeted the roof of my mouth, for a two-pronged attack on both my nose and voice.  I believe the primary target was my voice, because it usually is.  This time I was bombarded with a massive amount of sinus fluid, more than ever before.  That stuff must not go down my throat, so I sat on the floor and let it drip into a small bucket.  Yeah it's gross, but you don't have to watch.  My Boss is Allah, not some corporate or government entity, so I have I have to fight to sing if necessary, and not use some lame excuse to take a day off.  I managed to avoid infection of my voice alhamdulillah, but my nose is half of my singing.  You try to say "Mmmmm" with a runny nose.  I was able to finish the 2 hours of voice training today, but right after I felt so sick that I thought I was going to be bed ridden.  But I managed to shake it off, and made some dough and paté.  I'm feverish as I write this letter.

Of course I forgive you Julia.  I don't expect you to give up your lap of luxury to be with me in the trenches of the front line.  You're not a soldier.  The Qur'an says that whoever cannot afford to marry must keep themselves chaste and wait until Allah provides them with the means.  That was my first choice to begin with, but when you present me with "Now or Never", I'm going to choose "Now".  I was serious when I said I would wait for you no matter how old you get.  As long as you are chaste and faithful.  The same goes to you, Erin.

Julia and Erin, you are my wives.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141028

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

59.  Say: "Praise be to Allah, and Peace on God's servants whom God has chosen.  Who's better?  Allah or the false gods they associate?"

60.  Or, who has created the heavens and the earth, and who sends you down rain from the sky?  Yes, with it We cause to grow well-planted orchards full of beauty and delight.  It is not in your power to cause the growth of the trees in them.  God besides Allah?  No, they are a people who swerve from justice.

61.  Or, who has made the earth firm to live in, made rivers in its midst, set thereon mountains immovable, and made a separating bar between the two bodies of flowing water?  God besides Allah?  No, most of them know not.

62.  Or, who listens to the distressed when it calls on God, who relieves its suffering, and makes you inheritors of the earth?  God besides Allah?  Little it is that you heed!

63.  Or, who guides you through the depths of darkness on land and sea, and who sends the winds as heralds of glad tidings, going before God's mercy?  God besides Allah?  High is Allah above what they associate with God!

64.  Or, who originates Creation, then repeats it, and who gives you sustenance from heaven and earth?  God besides Allah?  Say, "Bring forth your argument, if you are telling the truth!"

The Ants 27:59-64

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Praise be to Allah, and Peace on God's servants whom God has chosen.  Who's better?  Allah or the false gods they associate?

Bring forth your argument, if you are telling the truth!

Letter to Julia 20141025

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Thank you for your love.  However, I didn't and couldn't have made you love me.  Why would someone as beautiful and ravishing as you have taken a second glance at an old, destitute musician like me?  God is the One Who put love in your heart.  If my promise of marriage to you brought you financial and business gain, then God was the One Who did that.  If our love brought strange and wonderful occurences into your life, then God was the One Who did that.  If our love gave you more political clout, then God was the One Who did that.  I am only a servant of God.

Thank you for your love.  I love you sincerely my beautiful beloved Julia, and I need you.  If you choose to marry me now and make the sacrifice to journey and stay here with me in my little house, you would be having faith that God will make our lives better and happier.  So our love is only part of the reason.  You are doing this for the sake of Allah.  So when you embark, please take all necessary precautions as per your position as Mrs. Global: use a German carrier.  Make sure you voice your in your heart, "I hereby make this journey of marriage for the sake of Allah."  Again, please make sure you have the intention in your heart to make the journey to marry me for the sake of Allah.  Look towards the Afterlife, for that is how much time I pray to be with you, and how sacred our marriage is.

Hey Erin, you beautiful and wonderful girl.  Are you having a great time?  It's almost time for the VS fashion show, so you must be busy.  I can't wait to see how gorgeous you are.  Please take good loving care of yourself.  I love you, and I need you.  Thank you for your love.

Letter to Julia 20141023

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello again, my most beautiful Julia and Erin.  How are my beloved wives today?  How are you feeling, my dearest hearts?  Doesn't it feel like something is about to explode?  Can you feel the electricity in the air?  Are you excited?  Are you?  Are you?  Well, please be patent try to stay calm.  Just do the same old same old, and put your trust in Allah.  You are MY girls.  MINE, MINE.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

This morning I went to the main market downtown to pick up some tofu and won ton skins.  I love stuffed won tons.  Today the stuffing is fish balls, tofu, chives, garlic, and black pepper.  I found a way to maximize the stuffing for my won  tons, is to go heavy on the tofu.  I don't like the flavor of fried tofu, but if it's inside a won ton then the tofu isn't affected by the oil.  Too much tofu makes the skin chewy though, so you have to strike a balance somewhere.  Stuffed won tons are girly food and I need a man-sized portion, so I had to eat 29 won tons to be satisfied.  Want some?  Oh sorry, I ate them all.

Letter to Julia 20141021

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Yeah, it's almost November.  I remember when I was about 20 something, I said to myself and a crony or two that I would quit music if I hadn't made it big by the age of 30.  Well obviously I didn't quit, but I was firmly convinced back then, and even a little bit now, that Rock and Roll is a young man's game.  But you know, I did make it big by 30, I just wasn't aware of the magnitude of it all, how big so to say.  The problem was, and is, I wasn't wealthy.  But materialism isn't a musical game.  It's a different arena altogether, with different realities.  It may even be global thermonuclear war.  After all, the humans still haven't given up their consumption of interest.

Love wasn't disappointing either.  I had lots of love, I just didn't know what to do with it.  Even when I turned 40, the disappointments were always replaced with something better.  You were watching back then, right?  Then God said to me (when I read the Qur'an), "Marry her!"  Ah!  That's what I'm supposed to do!  It's never easy, especially when you try to be a good person.  In Islam it's supposed to be the man's job to provide for the wife.  Of course there are exceptions to the rule: the Prophet (peace be upon him) was an exception, but he's the Prophet (peace be upon him).  I'm just a normal person.  I'm so average.  I want you to have the best of this life and the afterlife, because I love you, I love you.  If you had the nerve to marry me now beautiful Julia, we would live off what I'm living off now, with the faith that Allah would better our position.  It's still a position in the Public Eye, so the crowd would be laughing their asses off watching our struggle.  Sometimes I really despise the human race.  But I'm human too.  I want you now, but I want you to be happy with me.  So whatever you do is an act of faith, and is a direct communication between you and God.  Do you have faith?  And if God loves you, when you make a mistake then God will punish you quickly instead of slowly.

Erin!  Cutie Pie!  You must be blessed not to have to deal with this situation.  Then again, it may not be a blessing.  You need to ask God that yourself.  I want you both as my wives.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141018

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I had to give little Bat Cat a solid jab with my big toe this morning.  I didn't kick him, I just jabbed him with my big toe.  I was trying to mop the kitchen floor, and he wanted to play the pee game with me.  Not on my kitchen floor!!  But even after I shoved him away with my big toe, he persisted on playing the pee game.  Batty, currently in his 3rd life, is always the first to get into mischief.  So I slopped the mop real close to him.  Then of course the other kittens joined the pee game.  This is the first time I used physical punishment with my kittens, and I felt bad about it.  But I didn't kick him, I just jabbed him with my big toe.  I'm glad all those fleas are gone, though.  What use is a kitten if it can't be snuggled?

You are probably much better at being nice to the youngsters, and others in general, than me, that's why you're the better half.  I hate young boys but I have to be nice to them, and of course I have to make an extra effort with my own kids.  So I'm glad you're so sweet to others, because you make up for me.  The Prophet (peace be on him) became nicer and sweeter to others as he aged, no matter what happened to him.  Even to his enemies.  God had to command him to fight.  I guess we need to be like that.  I glad you're already like that.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141018

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

213.  So call not on any other god with Allah, or you will be among those under the Penalty.

214.  And admonish your nearest kinsmen.

215.  And lower your wing to the believers who follow you.

216.  Then if they disobey you say, "I am free from what you do!"

217.  And put your trust on the Exalted in Might, the Merciful.

The Poets 26:213-217
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Letter to Julia 20141017

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my dearest wives, Julia and Erin.  How was your week?  How are you feeling?  I pray that you are both feeling great, healthy and confident.  I couldn't be as isolated as I wanted, because there was always something to do, plus I had to go shopping.  I have a lot of beef in my cooler, but one can't just eat steak all the time.  The grass cutter was out, so I changed the spark plug.  I couldn't cut grass all that while, so I did some burning instead at Casa de Julia inshaAllah.  There were more felled trees there than I anticipated, plus I have to chop down more.  This morning I made a batch of dough, and it looks like beef and potato curry is coming up soon.  I made some Korean style pickled beef and it's marinading in the cooler.  It takes 2 weeks to be ready.  I try to stay within budget, but there's always some some of need or mundane crisis.  The flea shampoo I bought is bunk and my kittens were getting overwhelmed with fleas, so I had to buy the drop type of medication.  I'm out of eggs and onions but I can't spend again until next Tuesday, so I'm going to have to make my noodles with something else.

Death, blood and misery may be great and more entertaining for the crowd, but I find the mundane to be much more romantic.  I wish you were here with me to share my isolation.  I want the wealth to give you a good married life and buy musical instruments, but I'm trying to live a spiritual life, and that can't be done by being wholly materialistic.  I have to trust in Allah to supply me the material things I need while I work my spiritual agenda of pleasing Allah with music.  InshaAllah, I will also be given protection and happiness.  We as a family must keep our hearts free from the corruption of materialism, because it's so important to show that it can be done.  Islam doesn't forbid being wealthy, but wealth must handled with righteousness.  Like in the movie "Wall Street" was said, "Money makes you do things you don't want to do."  This may sound like an excuse to you, but it's not.  It's a different reality.

I have faith that Allah will help us and improve our condition.  Do you?  I want to give you the best and happiest married life, because I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.  Please join me in Islam.

Letter to Julia 2014111

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

It's almost November.  You know Julia, the choice is yours.  I've already made my choice, my decision.  My decision is you, and now I must stick to my choice.  We are not in the same position.  I love you terribly, but I must stick to my guns, be a man so to speak, and be sure I can give you the best married life, so I cannot force you to marry into my poverty.  I would wait for you no matter how old you get, so I don't want you to be concerned about my loyalty.  But you have sight and intelligence, so you know that.

That being said, I want you to marry me NOW, Julia.  Come and knock on my door, meet me face to face, and NOW will begin.  If you agree to marry me NOW as opposed to waiting until I have sufficient wealth, then you submit to my agenda of building a tourist attraction here, suffering the same living conditions as me, and being my wife.  May Allah reward you for your sacrifice.  Sounds reckless, huh?  I'm an all-out abandon kind of guy.  But it's not so bad.  I have a roof over my head even though I sleep on the floor, the music is powerful mashaAllah so our living conditions will improve inshaAllah, and I'm confident that at least I can feed you well.  Dinner tonight is eggplant stuffed with steak and tofu, so come on over.  Julia, I love you.  And I need you.

Hi Erin.  I love you too.  And I need you.  This is my week of isolation, so you won't here from me again for another week.

Letter to Julia 2014109

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

My kittens were getting too fat, so I decided to cut back on their food, and set 2 feeding times: once at dawn, and again at 4 pm.  Another big reason I did so is because my mop, the litter box and I couldn't keep up with them.  Plus, they seemed to have tummy problems.  It seems to be working.  The poop looks nice and dark and solid, and there's a lot less of it too.  Now, nothing kills the scent of poopy scents like bleach water, but the little brats have identified bleach with toilet, and now wherever I mop is a place for them to potty.  They like to play pee games: whenever I mop, they instantly come over to pee.  As a gang.  One at a time.  So I have to mop 5 times at a time.

I've been really into tofu lately, and it's healthy food, too.  It's great for making stuffing for my won tons.  For dinner, it's shredded steak sprinkled over a block of soft tofu swimming in eggplant hummus, to enjoy with a big, fat loaf of flat bread.  You must join me for dinner.

Erin, I hate to say this because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but please do not get any plastic surgery.  Please stop and stay where you are, and age naturally and gracefully.  You are so beautiful, so please don't change.  You too, Julia.  You are so beautiful.  Please don't change.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 2014108

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello my most beautiful Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling, you wonderful, wonderful women?  Oh dear, it's October already.  How time flies.  I didn't date that last letter properly.  Sigh.  I'm feeling quite tired right now.  I just got done playing guitar, and before that I spent the evening cutting grass around Casa de Julia inshaAllah.  It had been raining every day again, at times very heavily.  But the water seems to drain off quickly.  Quicker than it did 5 years ago.  I still have a lot of grass cutting to do, then I can start breaking down that tree I chopped down.  I spent the whole morning in the kitchen, just doing prep work.  I made dough, then my sardine dip, I received some beef so I portioned that out, then I made my lunch, which was noodles.  For dinner, it was bread and steak.  I'm tired.  I'm going to relax and watch TV.  I pray you both are feeling great, and taking and having it easy.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141006

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

The world is a small town.  No, I'm not making a reference to the kampung I'm living in, nor am I making a statement about how modern travel and communications have made the world smaller.  I'm actually talking about the fractal nature of oppression.  I'm not in a particularly strange mood.  I just happened to watch TV, and "Fractals and the Art of Roughness" was followed by the Kennedy assassination, while I was studying about the Pharoah in the Qur'an.

You've heard of the expression, "big fish in a small pond", right?  So if many small ponds joined together, there would still be only one big fish, or one dominant fish.  This is basic politics, but let's not talk about fair or ideal politics.  Pharoah would resort to anything to maintain power, and would eliminate the strong who would oppose him, and also the creative, because the creative would find a way to attain power.  This is what I'm talking about: not the structure of oppression, but the structure of the actions of oppression.

Since the strong and the creative are eliminated, what's left is the same old Pharoah, using the same techniques over and over again.  And so would his minions use the same methods over and over again.  For example, any thug can put on a black sheet up to the covering of his face, and be in a video of an execution.  This is the same action as producing the video, and financing the video, except that the higher ranking officers wouldn't bother getting their hands dirty.  Smaller sprigs of the same cauliflower blossom, of many blossoms before.  It means that they are not who they say they are, or what they claim they represent.  Why, do you think they would be honest with you?  What's the likelihood of that?  The point is that reality shows have been on for a very long time already, probably hundreds or thousands of years, using the same old dirty tricks.  Scripted reality.

Me?  I am a servant of Allah.  I serve Allah, and I have no more power than what Allah grants me.  Allah is the Power.  If I had any real power, then I would already be able to finance our marriage.  But Allah is the Most Superior in Planning and Resources.  No One can put on a show like Allah.  I put my trust in Allah.  Allah can make their plans backfire.  And even though one Pharoah is replaced by another, I also have faith in Judgement Day.

I'm sorry about this odd love letter.  You are my wives, and I love you, I love you with all my heart.  And I need you, I need you.  Please take gentle loving care of yourselves in my absence, and please maintain your prayers.

Letter to Julia 20141003

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Julia, please allow me to say Happy Anniversary to Erin.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Erin darling.  Yeah, it's been a year since I proposed to you.  I pray that it's been a wonderful year for you, and I absolutely intend to keep my commitment to you.  I am your husband inshaAllah, and you are not alone.  You are not just you anymore, you are me as well.  And you are loved.

Please understand and accept that the goal of our marriage is to slow down, settle down, and raise a family.  No more travel.  Yeah, I saw that video where you said you "will go where you can use your body".  I'll help you use your body.  Ahem.  How about a fruit plantation?  Or jumbo shrimp aquaculture?  You can do the labor, I will eat jumbo shrimp.  Or house cleaning?

I'm just kidding, you naughty thing you.  You're such a cutie, Erin!  Of course I'll help with the house cleaning, and we'll get a maid inshaAllah.  You can always have your friends visit.  Just remember that this is a Muslim family and area, and we will live in the Public Eye Mrs. Global, so please try not to start any global conflicts.  Of course we can have vacations, perhaps once every 2 years during off-peak seasons, as I'm building a tourist attraction here.  I'll go where you go, so please plan the vacations meticulously, so you don't get us all assassinated OK?  Julia gets the first vacation, because she is the Boss Wife.  So get all your travel kicks now, before you marry.  I anticipate you will at least have a few more years before Last Call.  You're still young, so you can enjoy travel.  I'm an old man.  I've already done a lot of traveling.  My feet hurt.

I pray that Allah will grant you much happiness and business success out of my commitment of marriage to you.  Please give thanks to Allah, and maintain your prayers.  You are so very beautiful Erin, and I look forward to seeing you at the next VS fashion show.  I love you, and I need you.

Julia, I love you, and I need you.  I will be fasting on Saturday October 4 inshaAllah, and I strongly recommend that you both fast too.  State in your heart the intention to fast for the sake of Allah the day before.

Letter to Julia 20141002

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

As you may have noticed, I chopped down one of the taller trees that was growing on top of the old house at Casa de Julia inshaAllah.  I had to stand on a ladder to chop it down, but it was leaning over the old house, so I guessed if I stayed behind it, it would fall away from me.  It fell on top of the roof, but I was able to push it down onto the ground today with my left hand while on the ladder.  Alhamdulillah!  Trees are heavy objects.  You should try chopping one down.

I've been having a craving for good old chicken wings, so I bought some chicken wings, chicken breast and liver at the night market Monday.  Last night I downed a whole kilo of wings.  I forgot to make ranch dressing, but it didn't matter.  They went down fast.  I also made some chicken liver paté with onions and basil for my morning bread.  It was a success, but next down I'm going to chop everything as finely as possible.  Paté is great because you can eat it cold.  Wow, maybe I'll try some mackerel liver paté next.

I'm sure you both are very busy nowadays, so please make sure you eat properly, and get plenty of rest.  There's nothing like a lot of beauty sleep.  I want you to know that I always think of you, and I always pray for you, and that Allah will bring us together in marriage soon, and keep us together in love, security and happiness in this life as well as the Hereafter.  Please know that you are loved very much.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141002

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

71.  And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah with a conversion-

72.  Those who witness no falsehood, and if they pass by futility, they pass it with honor;

73.  Those who, when they are admonished with the signs of their Lord, droop not down at them as if they were deaf or blind;

74.  And those who pray, "Our Lord!  Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us to lead the righteous."

75.  These are the ones who will be rewarded with the highest place in heaven, because of their patient constancy: therein they shall be met with salutations and peace,

76.  Dwelling therein- how beautiful an abode and a place of rest!

77.  Say: "My Lord is not uneasy because of you if you call not on God, but you have indeed rejected, and soon will come the inevitable."

The Criterion 25:71-77
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Our Lord!  Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us to lead the righteous.

My Lord is not uneasy because of you if you call not on God, but you have indeed rejected, and soon will come the inevitable.

Letter to Julia 20140929

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Everybody is in a big hurry!  Well, everybody is usually in a big hurry... to go nowhere.  Well, you could probably call this kampung "the middle of nowhere", but it's the center of the planet to me.  This is where I wish to settle down with my two beautiful wives inshaAllah, Julia and Erin.  I don't want to travel anywhere anymore.  I don't even like to commute.  So if anybody wants to reach my center of the planet, then they must be nice to my Julia and Erin.  So make sure you maintain your prayers.  Hurry, hurry!  Let them worship and fear Allah.

Yeah, I want them to be nice to my Julia and Erin because they are the most beautiful girls in the world to me.  They are my wives, so be extra nice to them.  My dearest and beloved wives, you are the center of the planet to me.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Wow, these kittens are plump!  I was giving them a bath, and with their fur wetted down, I could see exactly how fat they are.  They look like light bulbs, or balloons filled with water.  Such pudgy little kittens!  Yeah, I spoil them.  Unlike humans, cats are cute when they're fat.  Yeah, I know thin cats live longer.  Soon they will be at the age where I can let them outside.  Ya Allah please protect my kitties from harm and cat burglars.  Hey, this flea shampoo doesn't work!  I have to use it a little bit at full strength to stun the flea, then I can pick it out of the cat and pop it with the tip of my fingernail.  Who has the time for that?  I'm in a big hurry to be lazy and watch TV.  I want to snuggle with my wives!  I'm getting irritated.  Must be patient...