Letter to Julia 20130316

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Gah!  It never fails: all it takes is for Bat Cat to not be at home for one night, and the mice know he's not here and start coming to the house.  Then I have to chase them with a stick and personally whomp them.  Chee Cheah is a useless mouser.  She doesn't even stir from her slumber, even though I make a lot of noise chasing the mice.  What to do?  Bat Cat is a male kampung cat, and he has to wander around the kampung until he gets his fill.  But I love my cats.  Ya Allah, please protect and heal Chee Cheah and Bat Cat, and give them long, happy lives.

Certainly it is difficult to get a TV show started, then maintain it.  Even with a magnificent situation like this, right between East and West in a polyglot country, and Islam.  There is much work that needs to be done.  Not just to get the location studio organized, staffed and financed, but to research and negotiate the guests, products and services to be plugged on the show, then create the timetable, then promotion.  It is not my place to do all that, and not just because I'm lazy and refuse to travel.  I'm also ignorant.

InshaAllah, what I need is a desk just like Johnny Carson's, with a computer on the desk so I can Google it up if I don't know who the hell my guest is and what he/she is trying to sell.  Or the producer can just IM me.  I'm also very fussy about vocal quality for live performances and recordings.  I don't want my voice to be equalized (or EQ'd) whether it be on the mains or monitors, I like to stay on the edge of feedback (feedback is a musical instrument, did you know that?), and I don't like to use a windscreen for my SM57.  I will be a f***ing diva if the sound engineer doesn't conform to my demands.

Then of course, I want you to work with me.  To sit beside me.  To handle the sports figures and the fashion elements while I sip my coffee or tea.  But we have to be properly married first.  I love you, Julia.