Letter to Erin 20150224

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.


I am a creature of feedback.  Guitars, drums, singing, my life is a lot of feedback.  Like a fractal.  So when I can't hear my voice, I can't sing properly.  I wind up over exerting, and ruining my voice.  But I can't record with the PA system cranked up- I have to use headphones.  But I didn't have the right kind of headphones: the price of poverty.  So when I had to record a birthday song for somebody, I taped a set of speakers to a plastic clothes hanger, padded it with kitchen sponges, and tied the contraption on my head.  Recording vocals is difficult enough because I'm so self critical, but the ordeal made me seriously depressed.  Musical instruments are useless in heaven.  Mere toys to pass the time.  But here on Earth in this life, they serve as weapons of propaganda and intimidation.  Ya Allah, please bear Witness that I serve you with music.  Please grant me all the musical and computer equipment that I desire.

Erin, when you answer questions for an interview, you need to remember that you're not in a court of law and under oath.  I'm not telling you to lie: I'm telling you to give answers that make you happy, even if it's irrelevant to the question.  For example, if someone asks you "fake tan or real tan?" you should answer "no tan".  Well, that's what makes me happy.  I don't want you to have a tan, because I like smooth, white skin.  I want you to stay fit, have no tan, and be as blonde as humanly possible because that's what I like.  After all, the crowd doesn't give a rat's ass about your happiness, but I do.  Because I love you, and I need you.