Letter to Erin 20150905

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Erin!  How are you feeling today, my beloved Rock and Roll Princess?  I'm doing OK.  I just finished dinner, it was steak, onions, peppers on flat bread.  Nothing too special, but you're welcome to share my food.  I spent the evening clearing out scrub over at your house inshaAllah to make way for the weed whacker.  Then I looked up, and saw a bunch of young coconuts.  My Mom loves young coconut juice and flesh.  She says that it's a panacea or fountain of youth or something like that.  So I climbed the tree with my grandfather's old ladder, hung to the tree with my left hand and cut through the bunch of fruit with a saw on a stick using my right hand..  That was tough work, but I got all the fruit down.  It turned out that the coconuts were at the perfect age, where the flesh was soft and sweet and the juice even sweeter, and the size yielded the maximum amount of juice.  You must try some sometime.

I don't normally do this, but I'm going to give you a forecast for September, because what is about to occur involves you, and you are my wife inshaAllah, and I love you and I need you.  There will be a face off between the three major religions of God: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.  This is because of your elevated power, and each side is vying for your open conversion.  This will be a short situation during September, and occur again in about 6 to 8 months time.  Being vague will make this a rougher ride for you.  The solution is to choose Islam.  After all, I cannot be married to a non-Muslim.  Point your finger at me and say to them, "He is my husband inshaAllah," send them to me, and I will distract them away from you inshaAllah.