Letter to Erin 20150901

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Erin!  How is the most beautiful girl in the world feeling today?  I pray you are taking your position as Boss Model seriously.  Because you are MY girl, and I don't want people treating you like a victim.  It's just another average day for me.  Another average day in the life of an average squirt.  I'll admit that I'm a squirt.  When we get together for full body contact sports inshaAllah, I'll show you.  I love you, and I need you.

I finally have enough peppers to harvest, so for dinner tonight it's pepper steak on rice.  Super hot and yummy.  I don't believe there's anything wrong with eating meat as long as it's halal.  Protein helps build and form muscle, and I don't want you to be too thin.  Moderation is the key.  I wouldn't want you to get fat either.  Now Floofy is a fat cat.  But that's OK because fat cats are cute, but fat humans are not.  The body you had for the SI swimsuit shoot was SEXY.  Granted sometimes you just don't feel good, and I don't mean to be insensitive or rude.  I'm just trying to express what I like, and perhaps you would know what the limits are so you don't lose energy, health, and self esteem.  Aaaaa!  Forget it!  I'll just compensate by becoming obese!

Lunch was a couple of "pekasam" fish and garlic potatoes.  Floofy in her infinite wisdom expressed that she didn't like my breath by eating some cat food, licking her butt, then breathing into my face.  Cat thinks she knows it all.  I'm broke and alone right now, so I'm certainly not going to gargle with mouthwash after every meal just to please a cat.  I'm not out to please humans either, because I already know who I want to marry.  When we are married, I promise you I will always have economy sized bottles of Listerine around to keep my breath minty fresh inshaAllah.

While it is undeniable how beautiful you are, what is more important to me is your Islam.  You don't have to be an extremist, just do the best you can with what Allah has given you.  Your piety will amplify your beauty, and I want people to recognize you for your goodness over your sexiness.