Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Letter to Erin 20160217

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

How's it going, Gorgeous?  How about you, Slick?  I saw your video for SI that you shot at the One World Trade Center.  Hey, nice outfit.  You look like an intellectual.  A beautiful intellectual.  For some reason, I was browsing the SI site looking for you, but so far they haven't listed this year's model roster.  You people don't seem to grasp the connection Erin and I have.  It's by the grace of Allah.  So if a freak current rubbed her body and her body painting off on the rocks, she didn't do it on purpose.  It just happened that way.  It's like this morning, while I was sleeping, a mouse that was being hunted down by cats squeaked its way into my bedroom and hid in my lap.  Like I'm going to protect a mouse!  Besides, those cats are my family, and it's their job to remove mice from my house.  So I chased it out of my bedroom to the mercy of the cats.  It went and hid behind and under the closet in the next room, and refused to be dislodged.  Damn.  That closet is heavy.  I would have to empty it out in order to move it.  I sure hope it doesn't die there.  That would create a frightful pong.

Anyway, you people be grateful to Allah that my Erin is gracing your swimsuit issue.  Didn't that issue sell out last year during her first appearance?  The most beautiful girl in the world.  She's not a mouse, she's MY girl.  So give thanks to Allah.  I love her, and I need her.

Qur'an 20160217

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

219.  They ask you concerning wine and gambling.  Say, "In them is great sin and some benefit for humans, but the sin is greater than the benefit."  They ask you how much they are to spend; say, "What is beyond your needs."  Thus does Allah make clear to you God's Signs, in order that you may consider,

220.  On this life and the hereafter.  They ask you concerning orphans.  Say, "The best thing to do is for their good."  If you mix their affairs with yours, they are your brethren.  But Allah knows the man who means mischief from the man who means good.  And if Allah had willed, God could have put you into difficulties.  God is indeed Exalted in Power, Wise.

(The Heifer 2:219-220)
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