Letter to Erin 20150919

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Aaaaaarghh!!!  The grass cutter died again!  If it doesn't start tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to take it downtown.  One week of inactivity because of all that rain, and now it won't start.  I think that machine is a workaholic.  It wants to work until it dies, otherwise it dies.  Not like me- I'm a lazy butt.

Oh hi, Erin!  You're such a sweetheart, Erin.  Mwah!  I pray you're feeling well.  Are you eating properly, and getting enough rest?  I think after a certain point in life, we get eating habits that we inexplicably can't change.  Like a chronic dieter eventually cannot ingest any food at all.  I think the key is to eat the right amount every time.  Which is hard to gauge, because lust is involved.  I could easily down 2 dozen hot wings and a 12 inch pizza in one sitting, but I don't do that anymore.  I was telling Floofy this morning when I was cleaning out the cat box, "Look, this is the right amount of poop for you: just 2 average sized turds each day, because you're fat and you don't do anything but sleep all day.  You don't have to eat more than that, then puke it out!"  Not that I'm saying that you do the same thing Floofy does, but you're smart and experienced enough to know what sustains you through work and makes you happy, now that you're a sensitive and feminine movie star.  So please take care of your precious self, and be balanced OK?  I love you, and I need you.