Letter to Erin 20160407

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello Erin, my darling!  Hi, pretty girl!  No, I don't want any wine.  Muslims don't consume alcohol.  Rather, Muslims aren't supposed to consume alcohol.  I don't consume alcohol, and neither does my family.  How's business today?  It's great to be busy and make lots of money, but don't forget your well-being, because it's my well-being too.  Get lots of sleep, eat properly, and don't take unnecessary risks.  Please pray.  I love you and I need you.

Ach!  All this extended computer work hurt my right middle finger.  I switch the mouse to the other hand, now my left elbow hurts.  Anyway, I maintain that Elisa was a normal girl, with a normal heart.  If anything, she had a brilliant mind compounded with a love for reading, rare indeed it is these days to find a bookworm that young.  A philosophical mind at that.  Too bad philosophy is morbid in general, and what she read conditioned her young heart, and she was diagnosed with whatever it was.  If she had followed her heart (and received the adequate financing and support), she would have most likely become a famous Internet writer and philosopher, and perhaps lived a little longer.  However, all philosophy runs into the Wall of God, where one cannot run away from God: one can only run towards God.

Anyway again, gloomy existential thought met love somewhere around the age of 20, and we get a clue of what really motivated this kind-hearted but loud-mouthed young girl, who never boozed or did recreational drugs (as far as I can tell), to go to a hotel in LA that's right next to Skid Row.  She fell in love, then it's the end of the world.  But she didn't want her world to end, so she exercised her will to power, and set forth on a journey to find her man, in the guise of a West Coast meet-and-greet tour.  I can't find any indication that she lost her virginity, which means that I believe she was a virgin until she died.  If it is true that she protected her chastity until she died, then her death becomes a very serious matter indeed.  Her posts were not dated, but I think this post says it all:

I’m not sure why I am being so open with the internet all of the sudden.

It makes more sense to write candidly here than a
journal.

Probably because you know someone is actually
listening to your random thoughts. Anonymity helps too.

So I declared my love to a guy. And unfortunately he does not see me in that way.

I’m glad I did it. It was a bit irrational but I didn’t want to waste 2 weeks going in a circle of should I tell him/should I not tell him. Life is too short to be in grade 6 and not tell the person you like what our feelings are.  And I am heartbroken that he does not feel the same way. He views me as a bro, not a girl.

I have to be satisfied that he will be a friend and I can not ask for more.

But you know, it gets easier to deal with.  Much easier when you go out with friends and meet
some new people, meet a guy who likes the same odd things you do.  And that is life handing me a bone.

Thank you

I am not a mess of emotions like Sunday but shit life can you just throw me a bone and let me have a normal day?

And I am not at all seeking attention

This is truly one of the shittiest week in history 

Maybe it’s because I know that he is out there and that it’s just going to take a while to find him.  But when I do, I won’t let go of him and I have to hope he will hold onto me just as hard.