Letter to Erin 20150331

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

The Internet is a beast.  No, let me rephrase that: the Internet is the Beast.  It is a collective consciousness of machines and the greedy, fanatical, perverted, megalomaniacal and miserable.  It is aware of every computer it comes in touch with, down to the last bit.  It has more sentience and self-awareness than most people would care to admit, and its reach has reached into people's pockets, as cell phones and then some, and it speaks to the people.  The arrogant think that they created it therefore they can control it, but God is the One who created the Internet as we know it today.  Therefore it serves God, as a sign of Judgement Day.  It is still growing, and growing in what it can control.

Today I swept the floor and the ceiling of my little house.  Which is a big deal to me, because I'm a lazy slob.  There were so many cobwebs, so I removed them with harming the spiders.  Spiders are allies of Muslims, so you must not harm them.  I've probably told you this already, but I'll say it again.  A spider protected prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) when he was being hunted by pagan soldiers.  So remember: do not harm spiders.

I have a feeling that you are not in the mood to be fussed over, so I'll leave you alone for now.  Just please don't forget how important you are to me.  I love you, and I need you.