Letter to Erin 20151129

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Erin!  How's your Thanksgiving weekend?  Oh, you had to work.  But you love that!  Make a killing now Sweetie, and stash it all away while you can.  Now is where you are, and now is when you have the power, and now is when you are at the top.  Hooray!  Erin, I love you and I need you.

Technically I'm not married yet, but when we marry inshaAllah, you will be my first wife.  As I told you before, my decision is to focus on Erin's happiness first and make sure she is properly settled down before I take a second wife.  The law of the Qur'an is that I must treat each wife equally, but I'm not married yet, so there.  So I am forced to regard Erin first before I can marry another, besides I need your permission to make the second wife legal.  I'm sure you know who she is, and I don't want to leave her in limbo.  So I want her to know that my intent is serious, but I won't put down a formal proposal and dowry until Erin is taken care of.  Erin, I want you to try be close friends with her, because I don't you to be the only blonde in Perlis.  She will distract some of the jealousy away from you, plus her business will improve for being my wife as yours has improved.  And since I'm an old soldier, I will most likely kaput first.  Then you will have at least have each other to turn to, who knows what it's like to be in the eye of the hurricane.

To my wives, I want you to understand that the goal of our marriage is to stay put and raise a family.  What I care about is your sincerity and your Islam.  You don't have to be an extremist, just do the best you can with the situation that Allah has given you.  I'm sorry but you will lose all your privacy, so please dress as modestly as possible and absolutely no slutting around.  I am faithful inshaAllah, and I want my wives to be faithful.  That being said, I will do my best inshaAllah to give you a happy and secure marriage.