Letter to Erin 20151225

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I saw that Curve perfume commercial which was on Google.  I must say how beautiful you are, and that I love you with all my heart, and I need you.  I see your point about men needing some sort of perfume.  This body may have some bulk which is useful for breaking and killing things, but it does smell like a jock at best.  And jocks smell bad.  But the Mom and Pop sundry shops around here don't carry Curve nor an impression of it, so I bought some lavender perfume instead.  Potent stuff.  It still has a lot of kick even now after I just took a shower.  When we are married inshaAllah, you may keep a vaporizer in a holster ready at all times to spray me with Curve whenever you feel I need it, kind of like marking your territory.  Kind of like when Bob Cat sneaks up to me and sprays my foot.

I haven't made dinner yet.  I've been eating vanilla ice cream.  Good stuff too, you should try some.  Right now they're calling the sunset prayer, so after I pray I'll cook up some steak and pitas.  That brown sauce my Mom gave me sure comes in handy.  I have some potatoes, too.  It looks like a late dinner for me.  Wanna join me?

How's Christmas, by the way?  Do you celebrate Christmas?  Oh, you have to work.  So do I.  How about you?  Do you celebrate Christmas?  Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.  We celebrate Ramadan and the 2 Eids.  So please be ready for that when you become my wife inshaAllah.  We don't have to do Christmas shopping!  And don't worry about stuffing yourself at Christmas dinner either, because I intend to feed you well inshaAllah.  Right now, I have a lot of beef, dough, potatoes, and vanilla ice cream.  Plus 8 kilos of cat food.  Alhamdulillah.