Queen bee

Hi Honey!  How are you feeling today?  It must be getting warmer over there, I hope you are comfortable and not working overly much.  Have some chocolate!  I was visited by a queen bee last night.  The bees here are all wild, and I knew she was a queen because she was huge, in comparison with other wild bees around here.  I just sitting in front of the computer at about sunset, minding my own business, when she crawled through the crack between the screen doors and made her presence felt.  Oh, I should have taken a snapshot!  But I forgot, because I was too occupied with detaining her in a tupperware as gently as possible, then releasing her outside into the night.  Oh, she was beautiful!

Hey Natty Honey!  How are you feeling?  Don't worry so much, everything will turn out just great inshaAllah.  You're so beautiful, you have the world in your hands.  I went and got some new tires for my motorcycle this morning.  I hadn't changed the tires in years, and they were bald and ruptured.  Wow, it feels so different riding it now...  At first it felt so weird, I thought I was going to topple over.  But far from it.  The machine now sails like a dream!

The Drum

Hi Honey!  How are you today?  Oh my beloved Erin, I do so long to be with you.  Always I have this longing to be married, it's what drives me.  I need a set of drums to produce the next album, but drums are very expensive.  And since they don't see the need to give me a set of drums so that I can create music, I am making my own drum.  InshaAllah, it will be a great drum.  InshaAllah, it will be a very famous drum.

Natty Honey, please don't worry- everything will turn out great inshaAllah.  I will not abandon my wives, I will not abandon you inshaAllah.  I know the waiting is awful, but I have to wait too.  And you are beautiful- if you get tired of waiting for me, there are plenty of men out there who want you.  But I remain faithful to my wives, Allah is my Witness.  We will be married, inshaAllah.

Bland

Hi Honey!  How are you feeling today?  I'm sorry if my tone today is rather bland, but emotions are running high over here, and I need to keep today's letter as neutral as possible.  I hope you are not overworking.  Please get plenty of rest, eat sensibly, don't forget to pray, and try to have fun OK?  I still qualify for welfare, so this morning I went to pick up my welfare payment.  It helps, alhamdulillah.  I had some fried chicken for dinner, and I bought some rubber hose.

Hi Natty Honey!  That is a beautiful photo you posted, and it certainly invokes emotions.  I took a snapshot of a tire business on my way to pick up my welfare payment.  I thought perhaps it would help give you a different perspective on your situation.

Home

Hi Honey!  How's it going today?  Are you still working hard?  Well I hope you're taking time to rest a little, and hang out at home, languish on the couch and watch lots of TV.  Doesn't that sound like fun?  I want to be there with you!  I like being around home all the time.  Lately that's all I've been doing, and that is the plan for my future, is to stay and work at home and be with my family 24/7.  InshaAllah.  Yesterday evening, when I was collecting fruit with my Mom, she said that she scared to go into the old house.  She was raised in that old house, about 75 years ago, and lived through World War 2 in that house.  I said, "Why should you want to go in that house, Mom?  The roof is about to cave in.  It's that damned tree!"  Yes, that huge tree that's growing on top of the house.  How am I going to get that thing down?  If I had money, maybe I can pay someone to remove it.  Maybe.  If I climbed that tree, I can remove it bit by bit.  Ugh. The thought is so daunting.  I did manage to get started, though.  I removed one limb a couple of years ago.  Sometimes I hate this world, and how difficult life is.  Other times I love this world, and am grateful that Allah has made life easy for me.  Alhamdulillah.

Natty, you're mad at me!  I hope you've cooled down by now, but whatever the reason is, I'm sorry and please forgive me.  You are my wife inshaAllah, and I love you.  You know, the thought of spending all year round in Vancouver is very appealing to me.  I loathe hot weather, and am much more partial to the 4 seasons.  But Allah has ordered me to stand my ground here, and I certainly know better than to disobey.  I have to build my home and family here, and as my wife you must accept that.  Maybe you're upset with me for making you watch "Airplane 2".  The computer wanted you to watch it!  There are a lot of cheesy movies out there.  That's how the USA lost it's global media grip, not only from the advent of the digital recorder, but from second rate products.  But I like "Airplane 2".  That's why it's in my database.  Not everything can be perfect, so it's whether you like it or not.  But we are bending reality with our watching movies!  InshaAllah.  Today the computer wants you to watch "Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace".  Episode One and Two are generally the most hated of the Star Wars movies.  But I like them.  I am the movie mogul, inshaAllah.  You are MY girl.

Friday

Hi Honey!  How are you feeling today?  I hope all is well with you, that you are getting plenty of rest, and that you are having a smashing old time.  Today is Friday, and as usual I had to attend the Friday prayer which is mandatory for me.  The morning was easy going, I usually get up early to water the plants before the sun makes it too hot to do anything, and I had plenty of time before I had to leave for the mosque.  Lunch was an eggplant omelet with sauteed onions.  At the same time, I prepared Floofy's cat food, and steamed some dried chilli peppers to make hot sauce later.  Things got more hectic for me after voice training.  My Mom wanted me to pick some "mungai" which are legumes, growing on trees over at your house inshaAllah.  I should have taken a snapshot... but these legumes have to be picked before they ripen.  They are usually found in curries and function like chicken, fish, beef, potatoes etc.  They provide a unique flavor and have a gelatinous rind which people are fond to suck out.  Anyway, I also had much work left in the kitchen, plus my Mom likes to generate more work while I work, plus I had to cook my dinner, so the evening was very hectic for me.

Natty Honey, the computer wants you to watch another movie.  "Airplane 2" from 1982.  The original is definitely better than the sequel, but this is what the computer wants you to watch today.  I was a teen when I first saw this movie, browsing through vhs tapes at the video rental store, and not knowing what I rented.  I didn't know of the original "Airplane" when I saw this movie, but I was happy to discover that it has a prequel.  I thought this movie was hilarious, so I watched over and over again.  Says a lot for my brand of sense of humor, huh?

Hi Honey

How are you today?  How is work treating you?  I assume you are very busy.  I've been seeing your old VS buddies pop up a lot in my browser.  I think the VS fashion Show 2012 lineup was the best one.  After 2013, the girls went downhill.  After you left, actually.  Then again, I'm biased.  Me, I'm still trying to stay out of sight, but I have so much to do that it's not easy.  I had to take my Dad to the hospital this morning, and in the evening I had to cut the grass.  The grass sure grows quickly around here.  Hey, I'm happy you are busy and everyone loves you and wants you.  InshaAllah, we will be married soon, so please keep the faith.  I love you.

Hey Natty Honey, how's it going with you?  How are your studies coming along?  I hope you saw that movie I asked you to watch.  Seeing those old clothes makes me laugh.  That dress!  Oh, that dress is so tacky.  When Annette sang that "I Can't Do The Sum" song.  Would you wear a dress like that?  At least the skirt defies gravity.  I can't imagine Tom Piper getting sexually aroused with her wearing that dress.  She might as well wear a hijab.

Meow

Hi Honey!  How are you today?  How's work coming along?  You must be busy as usual, so please take good care of yourself OK?  It's almost time for the General Elections here, and people have been behaving strangely for a while already, and it's intensifying now.  So I'm staying out of sight.  You know the saying "Out of sight, out of mind", but since I happen to be a chick singer, it's not easy to stay out of mind.  So I have decided to stay away from the public until further notice.  If you invited me to your party, I won't be coming.  Sorry.  I will not endorse any political party.  I will make clear who I endorse when I cast my vote on Election Day.  Allah knows my business, and Allah is my Judge.

Natty Honey, we don't want you to get lost!  We want to shelter and protect you, so nothing bad ever happens to you.  Or was it that you were telling ME to get lost?  Oh dear.  Anyway, you are like the precious kitty who has never been out of the house in her entire life.  We want to pamper you, and make sure nothing bad ever happens to you.  Yeah the mundane can be dull as hell, but we want to raise children in the mundane.  We don't want our kids to grow up globe trotting every day, right?  So appreciate the mundane, for you are precious and beloved.  Anyway, the computer wants you to watch a movie.  "Babes in Toyland", from 1961.  Nobody will deny that Disney is the number one movie company in the world at this time.  I was a small child when I first saw this movie.  Back then I thought the special effects were mind blowing, and I wanted all the toys which were in the movie.  Nowadays if you give a kid a toy like that, it would probably get angry and shoot you in the back of the head or something.  This movie may be a little difficult to find, but please do this homework.  Movie Star.  Please watch the movies I ask you to watch when I ask you to watch them.