Letter to Erin 20160423

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Beautiful!  I'm writing this letter later than usual.  I had a late dinner, then I went to join the congregation for the night prayer. then as I was getting settled to write this letter, the cats chased a mouse into my bedroom and it hid behind my very heavy chest of drawers.  At first I tried to get it out with a long flat piece of metal.  I got to squeak a few times, but it didn't budge.  So I resorted to brute force and slammed the chest of drawers into the wall, then moved it outwards and found the mouse as flat as a pancake in the corner.  I guess death was instantaneous.

Now that I'm soaked in sweat, how are you my love?  My beloved wife inshaAllah?  Are you feeling absolutely great?  Since you're traveling around, I believe it's safe to assume that mashaAllah, people know that you're my girl.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad in London and if your bosses could afford an armed guard it would be OK, but if you're in the Middle East then I don't want you to go wandering around.  But please do try to have fun when you visit the Land of Make Believe.  Please keep safe, because I love you and I need you.  I haven't been in England since I was a small kid, but I do remember more now.  For some reason I remember my street address (114 Ifield Road, London SW10), I remember fireworks on Guy Fawkes day, I remember having an Irish friend named Rifle.  Yeah.  I remember making toy guns with Lego bricks.  I remember Black Jacks and Rowntree's Fruit Gums.  I remember going to Manchester and finding an Airfix shop.  I remember shopping in London with my Mom, then getting lost and miraculously finding my mother again.  I guess kids can remember a lot of things.

Yes ma'am, I won't let them in inshaAllah.  But did you want me to wear a muscle tee?  I thought you hated muscle tees.  My Dad bought me some clams this morning.  This type was "Snails of a Thousand Brains".  He said that they were bottom of the barrel, but there were still some good ones in there.  With clams, I always separate the meat from the broth immediately.  I used the meat to stuff won tons for dinner.  I didn't get much broth though.  Maybe I'll use that for my omelet tomorrow.  For lunch I had a block of tofu with my Mom's beef soup.  Hungry?

Letter to Erin 20160422

  In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Let me tell you a couple of things I know about Jesus Christ (peace be on him).  I've talked about this before.  Jesus Christ (peace be on him) was sent to the Jews as prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) was sent to the Arabs.  The purpose of the return of Jesus Christ (peace be on him) is to kill the Antichrist (in Arabic known as the "Dajjal").  All this action will take place in the Middle East.  Can any one of you brainy beauties guess which city did prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) say that Jesus Christ (peace be on him) will make his return?

Malaysia achieved its independence from Britain in 1957.  When I was small, I lived in London for a couple of years.  My Dad got his law degree in London, and he took the whole family along.  I don't remember much because I was small, except Cilla Black, the Carpenters, and waiting for my Dad to stop by and say hello on his way to classes while I was cooped up in a nursery school.  Cilla gave me an idea a few years ago about doing a regular concert/talk show for TV syndication.  Sounds profitable, but who's going to produce it?  My primary concern is to please Allah with music.

Yesterday evening I was cutting the grass by the roadside, and I just finished the length of your house inshaAllah when my trusty old weed whacker died.  Well, I guess if it died then it's not so trusty.  I took it to the mechanic this morning, and I was able to finish what I started just now.  I took a photo of how dry the rice fields are.  While I was taking the photo, a crow was watching me from a nearby tree and panting like a thirsty dog.  I couldn't catch him on camera, though.  Nothing special on the menu today.  Just leftovers, leftovers.  Dinner was leftover chili with a sunny side up egg on top a block of fresh tofu, to be eaten with a loaf of bread.  Want some?  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160421

 In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

There there now, relax your heart and don't despair.  Learn how to waste time, don't be in a big rush like everyone else.  Eventually you will discover that they're in a big rush to catch up with you.  Get some hobbies, waste some time.  And do it without drugs and alcohol.

Yes Honey, I know that there is danger from people working above me.  It's been that way for decades already.  What's more dangerous is to let them work/walk all over me.  I need you to trust me, or better yet trust in Allah.  I keep asking you to pray, so please pray.  I need you to keep yourself safe.  Don't take any unnecessary risks.  And I need you to be loyal, if your love is true.  If you believe in our love.  I love you and I need you.

The corner grocer had some nice eggplant this morning, so I fried that up with onion to be enjoyed with a block of tofu.  Eggplant soaks up grease, then spits it out again, so controlling oil content is the trick to frying eggplant.  I wish I had marinara sauce but I was too lazy to make some, so I used ketchup instead.  I had to finish off the dough, so I made a tortilla, and enjoyed lunch with my Mom's "sambal belacan".  I was stuffed.  I think I made lunch for 4 people.  I was only able to eat 3/4 of it.  I think what was so filling was the combination of tofu and bread.  Dinner was fried stuffed won tons.  Those are so yummy.  I could eat 100 of them, but I only ate 31.

Letter to Erin 20160420

 In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Now now there, you need to relax your heart.  Use your mind to relax your heart, what's the big rush anyway?  You need to learn how to waste time, just do things to waste time, and do it without drugs or alcohol.  How about a video game?  I like to shoot baskets on my cell phone to waste time.  How about playing the piano with only your left hand?  I would ask you to pray if you could be sincere, or pray to pass the time should be OK.  There's no need for despair.  Just let the time pass by.  There's no rush.  Everybody else is rushing around, but not you.

When my uncle came around a couple of days ago, we talked about our backs.  You know, back aches, lower back pain.  I told him that I like to sleep on the floor, because it's great for fixing back pain.  I like sleeping on the floor, it's a habit I'm actually quite reluctant to give up.  If you're lying on that nice, soft mattress, of course I'm going to climb up there and bounce around with you .  But eventually, I would slither back down on the floor... it's so much cooler down here.  Would you like to join me?

Lunch was fried stuffed won tons.  It's such girlie food, and so tasty!  To be enjoyed with my home made hot sauce, the same sauce I toss chicken wings in.  Today's flavor is calamari.  I also put garlic, tofu and julienned kaffir lime leaves in them.  I know you're going to love my fried won tons.  I also got 5 blocks of the best local fresh tofu.  Fresh tofu has a short life in the cooler, so I'll be eating only tofu dishes for the next few days.  Unless you like fermented tofu.  My approach to fresh tofu is to treat it like a staple, like rice, bread, or noodles without compromising its shape.  So for dinner, I had a block of fresh tofu swimming in a broth of ground beef, brown gravy, finely diced garlic, onions, and potatoes, with basil leaves.  Irish stew soup.  Thick but not too thick.  I'd share it with you!  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160419

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

So what are you hankering after?  For a child, I mean.  A son or a daughter?  At my age, I want as many healthy children as possible.  Which is the primary reason if I seek 3 wives, if that is the Will of Allah.  I want to name my first son Muhammad and my first daughter Mary.  You can go ahead and name the rest of the kids.  Marrying my Erin has proved to be a momentous task as it is, so I'll take what Allah gives me.  Assuming I survive, of course.

Yeah, yeah.  But this is an important point, because now at 50 I still have a little bit of strength left to look after you and help protect you.  You can tell your family that I will raise our children as Muslims, so as to not abandon their parents when they get old.  So as to not abandon their mother after their father passes away.  If you value this, then you must value my teaching you and our children Islamic values.  Not the values you see from people who call themselves Muslim then drink, gamble, consume interest, blow up innocent people, etc.  It is the end of the world, after all.  Please be close to me, allow me to look after you, and aid me in this.  I love you and I need you.

OK, what's for dinner?  Lunch was noodles in soup as usual (I'm so Asian), but today I ate at Omar's.  I was thinking about skipping dinner, because my uncle and aunt came visiting and there was all this stuff to eat at my parents' house.  We got around to talking about witchcraft, certainly the Malay race is a superstitious bunch.  I know that people always try to hex me, but I am concerned about you.  You might pick a toy or knick knack somewhere, thinking that it's cute, when it's a hex specially prepared for you.  Yes, people do that, and they do that more often than you can imagine.  So remember this: most magic is designed to sow discord between husband and wife, and remember this: no one can harm you except as Allah wills.

After the night prayer, I got around to cooking.  I made a calzone stuffed with chili and cheese.  Looks good, huh?  Alhamdullilah.  Want some?

Letter to Erin 20160418

 In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Please keep your nose clean!  If you're thinking that doing drugs is a good way to attract my attention, then you're mistaken.  I am NOT going to marry a party girl.  I want you to abstain from drugs AND alcohol.  I want to raise a family, and I want to provide my wife and kids the best conditioning that reality has to offer.  I'm sure the whole planet knows that I like pretty blondes, but what's most important to me is your chastity and piety.

I don't normally relate my dreams here for the crowd to see, but last night's dream was so awesomely entertaining that I absolutely have to share it.  The first thing that happened is that I suddenly became pretty.  Plus I was built like a model with a fairly sized rack (not a Laetitia Casta or Eva Herzigova, but around the size of a Gisele Bundchen), my hair was a Dutch bob and all black.  No grey hairs!  I still had my penis, not super hung but good enough.  I was singing to a crowd, not on a stage but at the edge of the crowd, singing to a wall while my voice reflected off the wall and projected everywhere.  Then I joined a production team, and I had my own makeup artist and music crew and stuff.  Then the business manager came up to me and told me that I had to model and sing at the same time.  What!  That's impossible!  I was working at a fashion show at a university or something with all these other models.  It was raining and flooding but I was able to drive my motorcycle through the water.   Suddenly the university turned into a night club but the manager said, "Don't worry, you won't have to work in a bar."  Suddenly, numbers were being called out and I was wearing this modest dress, and one model said, "You have to get out of that dress and get into that white dress and hurry because they're going to call your number!"  The white dress was way short, with the hem right at the crotch.  I was naked and trying to step into the dress but I got tangled up in it because I was wearing these high heels, then they called out my number and my dick was hanging out of the dress, and it was chaos!

I had leftover chili for lunch and I had to finish off the flat noodles, so I had noodles in soup for dinner.  The soup was chicken and basil, extra thick.  Remember what I told you about cooking: use a medium or low flame only unless you have absolute confidence to use a large flame.  Hey, Babe!  Come and be my babe, and share my food with me!  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160417

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello, Erin.  I want you to know that I think you are very beautiful, and I love you with all my heart.  I didn't have a very productive morning.  Though I got up early, I slept most of the morning away after watering the plants.  With all that sleep, I should have rocked right through my voice training set.  But I think I'm getting better alhamdulillah, and it's wearing me out.  The increase in knowledge wears me out.  There's simply no perfection in this life.  We may think that because of our abilities or gifts, we deserve the best of everything.  But there's no  perfection in this life.  That's why we cannot keep all the friends that we make through life, for if they don't become corrupt then we do.  So there's no use in being conceited with what we have and have achieved.

Remember I told you that there were hundreds of creepers crawling over the deadwood that I chainsawed on the west border of your house inshaAllah?  I spent the evening breaking them down again with the chainsaw.  But there were too many army ants, so I soaked them down with bug spray.  But there were too many of them, I'll have to let the poison soak in before I try again.  No, I didn't take a photo of it.  Yard work is sweaty work, and I don't feel like handling a chainsaw and a camera at the same time.  I will eventually take photos of the area where I live and what will be your house inshaAllah.  I'm warning you that since I don't have any money, everything still looks squalid (which is not as bad as what it used to look like).  But with a vision of faith and imagination, then anything can be inshaAllah.  Then I had dinner at Ina's.  She has rice in RM1 portions, which I enjoy with iced tea.

I've been a lone wolf most of my life.  You have many friends and some powerful bosses, but none of them have any influence on me.  My Boss is Allah.  But you do have one friend that is with me all the time.  It's Floofy.  I can't explain it, but that cat is a devout advocate of you to me.  She always defends your actions, and always thinks highly of you.  I feel that she is more devoted to you than to me.  I'm just the guy who feeds and protects her.  When you meet her inshaAllah, make sure you thank her, always be gentle with her, and do whatever she asks you to do.

It's going to take me a while to process your Instagram page.  I know you would want me to go through the whole thing.  I'm still angry, and I don't want to consume too much at a time.  If you care about how I feel, then please make an effort to delete any offending posts.  It should be simple for you to understand me: I'm as sensitive as you are.  I love you and I need you.