Makeup, diet and posture

 

Things to do, things to do...  Oh my God, it's May already!  I have to find the May issue of Vogue somewhere because I told Anna that I would look at it.  I guess I have to watch the Met Gala as well.  That's next Tuesday at 6 am.  I have to take my Dad to the doctor that morning as well, so I will be half asleep and won't watch the whole thing.  What's the theme this year?  I guess I have to look that up.  I think Gwendoline Christie is sexy.  If she were 19 and dressed well, I would totally want to pork her.  Good thing she isn't 19, huh!  Sigh.  Once long ago, a girl told me that my love is cheap.  I guess she was right.  Maybe it isn't love, but lust.

Here's a song for you, Grace!  What's up, girl?  Busy doing your Nashville scene?  I don't do that, Honey.  I'm the Global scene, even though Mary is an vintage country singer.  Guard your chastity, Grace.  That's the real edge you have over others.  And don't you go obeying people whose behavior is out of hand.  Fight them off, Scrapper.

We love music

 

Grace, I'm not messing around!  I need to be married, but I can't afford to pay for it.  I'm not allowed to profiteer off the Qur'an and the music thereof.  Of course I feel and look like a jackass, but I have to have faith that Allah will grant me the means somehow, even if I have to wait until I die and go to heaven.  I hope that you will have faith in me.  You're young enough to still get high off of traveling and playing live, but every musician finds out eventually that touring sucks unless you have your own private jet (that doesn't crash).  I find myself in a situation where I don't have to tour, I have the time to be married, raise a family, and play live everyday.  But I'm broke, so I can't get married yet.  Please don't get into debt, Honey.  Nowadays you can record an album on your cell phone, plus songwriting gets better when you get older.  Don't let them con you into believing that their production is best, when you are already better than them.  Wait it out!  Don't get into debt!

Ugh, I've fallen in love with Grace, even though she makes me feel totally inadequate on guitar.  You're beautiful, Grace.  So I will be trying to connect with you.  The easiest way to go is for me to comment on one of your videos, and you can respond.  Sounds good?

Do you think she'll answer, folks?

The April 3 massacre

 

I want you folks to know that Grace is now under my observation.  I will be watching for any predators or traitors.  Please help me protect her, folks.  Grace, I'm afraid your life is going to get weirder than ever before now that I've found you.  Please keep clean and guard your chastity.  That will help keep you safe, and protect your fortune.

Look at this guy above trying to downplay Gaza.  Of course if you were about to die, you would still go to the beach!  People like to die in the name of fun!  They do it all the time, everywhere!  Israel has figured out that their media has no credibility when they show a Jewish-looking face, so here comes this guy. 

Of course, what you believe on TV depends on whose side you're on.  I'm on the side of the Qur'an.

I like this girl

 

Grace is 17!  17 is legal, right?  RIGHT?  18 is legal for her in Malaysia.  But I might as well put in an interested bid right now, what the hell.  A 17 year old female musician who's beautiful and talented is very valuable indeed, more valuable than any billionaire.  What about it, Grace?  Mary doesn't need an accompanist, but a sure way to get the job is to marry into it.  It's already global, and you don't have to tour.  No rush, Honey!  I'm still broke right now, so go ahead and be a guitar hero.  Would you like me to talk to Anna Wintour and get you all dolled up in a pretty dress, with your picture in Vogue magazine?  Let me know if you want that!

This is my guitar, Grace.  I don't know what year it is, but it's USA.  Its name is "Raven among the crows".  The guy who owned it before me rewired it so it's noisy as hell, unless it's clean.  I don't have a nice amp anyway, so I only play it clean then post-process for the dirt.  The trouble with being a multi-instrumentalist is that I don't pick up the guitar for months sometimes.  When I do, I just play it clean out of a cheapo practice amp.  I only use the neck pickup at full volume and use the tip of my index finger as a pick.  The amp is loud but I pick very gently.  I don't practice in any way, I just do a lot of thinking.  I let my fingers go wherever they will go, it helps to relax my mind.  I try to explore, and avoid habitual riffs and keys.  And I let my mind wander: is she a good person?  Will she make a good Muslim wife?

Movie night

 

It's movie night again!  "Whiplash" (2014).  At last, a movie for musicians!  I don't read music, though.  Well, maybe just a little bit.  I used to be a drum teacher for Yamaha.  I'm surprised they put up with me.  Actually they got sick of me after a few months, then commanded me to go to the big city for an unpaid internship.  I'm done with travel, so I didn't go.  Plus it sure seemed like a mob hit setup.  Mary is musically illiterate, too.  She is a 100% emotional singer.  Never ask her to play the drums, because she doesn't care about tempo.  You folks can hear this during her set: she's always catching up to the music.

Anyway, I like this movie.  I feel that the "cruel to be kind" approach for generating great musicians is bullshit.  It's all the same horse race.  This explains the ending of the movie: "Do you want to ride the winning horse?"  This is why music is not religion.  The world is a stage, and it belongs to God.  When God puts you center stage, that's where you have to be, whether you can handle it or not.

I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the rejected.

168.  The ones that say while they themselves sit, "If only they had listened to us, they would not have been slain."  Say, "Avert death from your own selves, if you speak the truth."

The Family of Imran 3:168

I like this girl

 

I like this girl.  She looks just about my size, and she's way prettier and more feminine than Dylan Mulvaney.  Is she a good person?  Will she make a good Muslim wife?  She's already famous though, so it might be too late for her to ride in my Ark.

Promotion!

 

My cats used to have the rank of lieutenant, but Allah gave them all a promotion!  Congratulations, guys!  You all now carry the rank of captain!  Although all the cats have the same rank, of course the parents have seniority.  Ya Allah, please heal and protect my kitties.  Give them long lives and dignified deaths.  Grant us kittens when the time is right.  Have my cats coexist in peace.  Grant me compassionate birth control for my cats.

Congratulations, Captain Adolf Kitler!  (Those spots on his nose are actually black hairs.  Interesting huh!)

Congratulations, Captain Lookie Floofysdöttir!

Congratulations, Captain Otto Floofyson!

Congratulations, Captain Helmut Floofyson!

Congratulations, Captain Jane Rambo Floofysdöttir!

Congratulations, Captain Anna Floofysdöttir!

Congratulations, Captain Gunhilde Floofysdöttir!