In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Wha.... where's my sweetie? You're not in the latest Victoria's Secret fashion show? Well, that's actually a good thing, because it shows the world that you are modest. I'm glad that you realize that you are a role model for millions of young Muslim girls, and you are my princess. I wish you had told me that you weren't going to be in the show, so there would have been less drama. Maybe you did tell me in not so many words, and I'm just dense. I guess it doesn't really matter. May Allah reward you.
As for Victoria's Secret, I'm afraid I cannot endorse your show or your product if my sweetie Julia isn't involved. Thus endeth the Victoria's Secret fashion show saga on Shadowplay TV, except for the shows that feature my sweetie Julia on regular programming when picked by the randomizer. I strongly suggest you guys quit while you're ahead, and try to get back to a basic showcase of your product in your fashion shows (like in 1998 and before) with minimal loss, or axe the fashion show altogether and just rely on commercials. It is impossible for you guys to get bigger and better without limit, because you are human beings and you sell underwear. Oh God, I hope they don't try to cast wrinkley old women in mummified makeup to walk the catwalk in skimpy lingerie just because these women have power and influence, and try to call it sexy. Eau de formaldehyde! But I guess that could be a bigger and better approach to the show, from a certain point of view.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
Letter to Julia 20121208
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Hello there, my beautiful Julia! How are you feeling? Today is my parents' 52nd anniversary. They've been married to each other for 52 years! I'll buy them some ice cream on my way home. They are kind of difficult to shop for, because they don't really like anything except for what they get for themselves. As a couple, they don't seem to have similar interests. My Mom is a sugar addict, while my Dad is a chain smoker. Their other tastes and habits are equally divergent. Their only common interests are lying in bed with each other, and eating rice with mixed entrees (nasi campur). Ya Allah, thank you for keeping my parents alive. Please give my parents long, happy, healthy lives, forgive their sins, allow them to enter heaven together, and have mercy on my parents as they cherished me in childhood.
The Internet cafe was out of order last Thursday, so I didn't get to blog. Please forgive me. But I am so looking forward to seeing you in the fashion show. And our show! Remember, our goal is to slow down and enjoy our lives together. InsyaAllah.
Please do not be fooled by hypocrites and disbelievers who appear united against us. Listen again, and you will hear lies and dissent among themselves. Look again, and you will see fear.
Hello there, my beautiful Julia! How are you feeling? Today is my parents' 52nd anniversary. They've been married to each other for 52 years! I'll buy them some ice cream on my way home. They are kind of difficult to shop for, because they don't really like anything except for what they get for themselves. As a couple, they don't seem to have similar interests. My Mom is a sugar addict, while my Dad is a chain smoker. Their other tastes and habits are equally divergent. Their only common interests are lying in bed with each other, and eating rice with mixed entrees (nasi campur). Ya Allah, thank you for keeping my parents alive. Please give my parents long, happy, healthy lives, forgive their sins, allow them to enter heaven together, and have mercy on my parents as they cherished me in childhood.
The Internet cafe was out of order last Thursday, so I didn't get to blog. Please forgive me. But I am so looking forward to seeing you in the fashion show. And our show! Remember, our goal is to slow down and enjoy our lives together. InsyaAllah.
Please do not be fooled by hypocrites and disbelievers who appear united against us. Listen again, and you will hear lies and dissent among themselves. Look again, and you will see fear.
Letter to Julia 20121206
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Hi Julia, how are you doing? I pray you are feeling great. I didn't take the cat to the vet yesterday. But I did go to the vet. The last time I took that cat to the vet, the vet said that she had mouth ulcers, and prescribed antibiotics and some pills to reduce the swelling. So I just renewed the prescription. She does have a broken tooth though, and it's obvious that she's suffering. So I also bought some Listerine to help disinfect her mouth.
I'm looking forward to seeing the latest Victoria's Secret fashion show. I want to see you most of all. I always look forward to seeing you, even though I am unable to go searching for you amidst the lies of the Internet. You are my beloved Julia, and I cherish you so much.
Hi Julia, how are you doing? I pray you are feeling great. I didn't take the cat to the vet yesterday. But I did go to the vet. The last time I took that cat to the vet, the vet said that she had mouth ulcers, and prescribed antibiotics and some pills to reduce the swelling. So I just renewed the prescription. She does have a broken tooth though, and it's obvious that she's suffering. So I also bought some Listerine to help disinfect her mouth.
I'm looking forward to seeing the latest Victoria's Secret fashion show. I want to see you most of all. I always look forward to seeing you, even though I am unable to go searching for you amidst the lies of the Internet. You are my beloved Julia, and I cherish you so much.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Letter to Julia 20121204
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Hmmm. There's something going on today. What day is it? December 4th? I know there's something I must do, but I can't seem to remember. Let's see, I have to pay the power bill, I've got to get some gasoline... Tomorrow I have to take the cat to the vet, so I won't be blogging. It's my brother's cat. She seems to have something wrong with her mouth. I think it's a broken tooth, but I'm not sure. Tonight I have to cut the grass. The grass cutter has been in the shop, so the grass is really long, because it's been raining everyday lately, except yesterday, so I had a chance to trim my front yard. What is it I'm missing? I'm senile, Julia. You're marrying someone senile. Well, I'll just go home and indulge in my loneliness, and look at pictures of my sweetie. She's a beautiful model, you know. Whatever it is I'm forgetting, I'm sure I'll remember eventually.
Hmmm. There's something going on today. What day is it? December 4th? I know there's something I must do, but I can't seem to remember. Let's see, I have to pay the power bill, I've got to get some gasoline... Tomorrow I have to take the cat to the vet, so I won't be blogging. It's my brother's cat. She seems to have something wrong with her mouth. I think it's a broken tooth, but I'm not sure. Tonight I have to cut the grass. The grass cutter has been in the shop, so the grass is really long, because it's been raining everyday lately, except yesterday, so I had a chance to trim my front yard. What is it I'm missing? I'm senile, Julia. You're marrying someone senile. Well, I'll just go home and indulge in my loneliness, and look at pictures of my sweetie. She's a beautiful model, you know. Whatever it is I'm forgetting, I'm sure I'll remember eventually.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Letter to Julia 20121203
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
How are you today, my beautiful and beloved young Julia? I pray you are taking good care of yourself, and that you are keeping safe. I've always believed that it is better to have only a few friends who are close and sincere, than to have many fake friends. Don't you agree? I want to tell you again that you are the girl for me, the girl I want to marry, that I have been waiting for you for nearly 4 years already, and that I am committed to our marriage. I love you, Julia.
Again, ours is not a conflict between nations, but a conflict between urban and rural. The "Big Picture" is Allah, not the city.
How are you today, my beautiful and beloved young Julia? I pray you are taking good care of yourself, and that you are keeping safe. I've always believed that it is better to have only a few friends who are close and sincere, than to have many fake friends. Don't you agree? I want to tell you again that you are the girl for me, the girl I want to marry, that I have been waiting for you for nearly 4 years already, and that I am committed to our marriage. I love you, Julia.
Again, ours is not a conflict between nations, but a conflict between urban and rural. The "Big Picture" is Allah, not the city.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Letter to Julia 20121201
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Whoops! I had to take Bat Cat back to the vet because he kept getting the runs, and was becoming so dehydrated that his eyes have sunk in. Poor little Batty Watty! So I couldn't blog my love for you Thursday, but I posted the letter today so you can read it if you want. Please forgive me? I love you!
I meant what I said a some time ago about your coming on stage with me when I perform public concerts, insyaAllah. This is because I would rather they look at you instead of me. This is because my voice doesn't match my body, and I'm sure the people would want to believe that you are doing the singing instead of me, because you are beautiful. Plus my voice is very sensitive to motion, so I can't do a lot of dancing and jumping around. Essentially it's another modeling job, because your microphone wouldn't be plugged in, but you would be lip syncing (to the best of your ability, of course), while wearing pretty clothes and pointing at the crowd. Oh don't worry, I'll be on stage with you, but you would be in the spotlight, while I'll be lit by an oil lamp or something, while sitting on a recliner (or better yet, a massage chair) watching Shadowplay TV. OK OK, a bar stool. I'm sure having to change outfits all the time would be stressful, so we could even probably hire a few of your half-naked friends. They can't be half-naked at the show, though: this is an Islamic situation. How do they live daily lives, going around half-naked like that? Don't they get embarrassed when they go grocery shopping? Wouldn't those wings push cans and boxes off the shelves? I'm sure you don't do that, and that you are modest. Because you are MY girl.
Don't you and your bosses forget that the locals here have little to no interest in dressing chic, so any fashion business should be focused on the visitor, and that the situation is Muslim. The attraction and mass media is global however, and the location is East meets West. The center of attraction should be a closed environment like a building, a concert hall/mall (perhaps Dewan 2020) where both business and audience can be controlled, and where businesses can range from apparel to hospitality. It is ludicrous to gig daily in such a situation: once or twice a week should be more than enough, and the concerts should be marketed as part of a vacation package. On the other days, I should just stay at home and voice train, and make love to my sweetie. I may joke a little to make you smile, but please take my inspiration and ideas regarding this matter seriously as well as our well-being, because my time on earth is short, and I am already old.
Certainly there is much secret plotting and planning going on, considering the scale of events that have occurred. Allah has been my only friend anyway throughout the years, so I put my trust in Allah, to keep the evil ones in check by some complex disaster that will strike them from a direction they did not perceive at a time when they are unaware, like when they taunt God for not punishing them for their words. This is because Allah is always with them. And Allah is always with us, my love. So please pray with me that Allah will bring us together in happiness, success and security soon.
Whoops! I had to take Bat Cat back to the vet because he kept getting the runs, and was becoming so dehydrated that his eyes have sunk in. Poor little Batty Watty! So I couldn't blog my love for you Thursday, but I posted the letter today so you can read it if you want. Please forgive me? I love you!
I meant what I said a some time ago about your coming on stage with me when I perform public concerts, insyaAllah. This is because I would rather they look at you instead of me. This is because my voice doesn't match my body, and I'm sure the people would want to believe that you are doing the singing instead of me, because you are beautiful. Plus my voice is very sensitive to motion, so I can't do a lot of dancing and jumping around. Essentially it's another modeling job, because your microphone wouldn't be plugged in, but you would be lip syncing (to the best of your ability, of course), while wearing pretty clothes and pointing at the crowd. Oh don't worry, I'll be on stage with you, but you would be in the spotlight, while I'll be lit by an oil lamp or something, while sitting on a recliner (or better yet, a massage chair) watching Shadowplay TV. OK OK, a bar stool. I'm sure having to change outfits all the time would be stressful, so we could even probably hire a few of your half-naked friends. They can't be half-naked at the show, though: this is an Islamic situation. How do they live daily lives, going around half-naked like that? Don't they get embarrassed when they go grocery shopping? Wouldn't those wings push cans and boxes off the shelves? I'm sure you don't do that, and that you are modest. Because you are MY girl.
Don't you and your bosses forget that the locals here have little to no interest in dressing chic, so any fashion business should be focused on the visitor, and that the situation is Muslim. The attraction and mass media is global however, and the location is East meets West. The center of attraction should be a closed environment like a building, a concert hall/mall (perhaps Dewan 2020) where both business and audience can be controlled, and where businesses can range from apparel to hospitality. It is ludicrous to gig daily in such a situation: once or twice a week should be more than enough, and the concerts should be marketed as part of a vacation package. On the other days, I should just stay at home and voice train, and make love to my sweetie. I may joke a little to make you smile, but please take my inspiration and ideas regarding this matter seriously as well as our well-being, because my time on earth is short, and I am already old.
Certainly there is much secret plotting and planning going on, considering the scale of events that have occurred. Allah has been my only friend anyway throughout the years, so I put my trust in Allah, to keep the evil ones in check by some complex disaster that will strike them from a direction they did not perceive at a time when they are unaware, like when they taunt God for not punishing them for their words. This is because Allah is always with them. And Allah is always with us, my love. So please pray with me that Allah will bring us together in happiness, success and security soon.
Letter to Julia 20121129
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.
Hello there, my beloved Julia. And how are you feeling today? I pray you are feeling healthy and confident. I'm sorry for being so businesslike yesterday. I do love you so, my precious Julia, and I want you to feel loved at all times, for you are MY girl, and I cherish you so. But yeah, this is a family business, so it's just as important that you understand my work as it is for me to aid your work, as it is ours. Music can be an uncontrollable monster. Do you remember the Beatles? Ya Allah, please help and protect Julia and I, and our family business.
Hello there, my beloved Julia. And how are you feeling today? I pray you are feeling healthy and confident. I'm sorry for being so businesslike yesterday. I do love you so, my precious Julia, and I want you to feel loved at all times, for you are MY girl, and I cherish you so. But yeah, this is a family business, so it's just as important that you understand my work as it is for me to aid your work, as it is ours. Music can be an uncontrollable monster. Do you remember the Beatles? Ya Allah, please help and protect Julia and I, and our family business.
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