Letter to Julia 20120807

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I do love you, Julia.  You are my heart, my life revolves around you, don't you see?  Perhaps you've listening to the lies, gossips and conjectures of others, when you should be with me all the time, and speaking to me all the time.  But I've never been given the chance to speak to you face to face, one on one.  All we have of our love are these strange letters I write to you that I post when I have to play Second Life, which I write out of the inspiration that Allah gives me, which you may have guessed.  That's why I sometimes sound overly businesslike, but under the circumstances I feel it better than saying nothing at all.  I'm not that smart.  But if Allah wills, our love can shake the world.

In 2009 when I first proposed to you, I collected as many photos of you I could, and put them together in a slideshow which I play on my computer constantly.  I haven't searched for any new photos since then, other than the Victoria's Secret fashion show videos.  I didn't want to find any bad news or lies, hinting that you weren't interested in me.  At least back then, you didn't know who I was.

Then I play the Victoria's Secret fashion show in a constant loop.  Whenever you appear, I say a prayer.  Ya Allah, please grant me Julia as my perfect spouse.  Please grant us love, beauty, safety and happiness together in this life and the hereafter, please don't divorce us.  Please grant us long, happy, healthy lives together with beautiful, happy, healthy, and pious children together, please protect us.  Please forgive our sins, please make us great Muslims, please make us faithful to each other and to You, please grant us the highest heaven together, please make our path easy.

So while I await the miracle that would grant me my own wealth so I can give you a good life, I maintain this Rain Man like routine, from tending the yard, to blogging my love and the Qur'an.  I do love you, Julia.

Letter to Julia 20120806

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, beautiful Julia.  My love.  How are you feeling?  I'm so tired.  It's Sunday night, and Sundays are my busy days.  Non-stop work from the minute I wake up until I pass out at night.  Plus, I'm fasting.  What's on the menu for the pre-dawn repast?  In the cooler are eggplants, chilli peppers, ketchup, chicken breast and a bag of noodles.  I guess it's going to be noodles in spicy eggplant marinara.  What's cooking on your stove?  Did you know that I love German food?  Herring, sauerkraut, those little boil-in-the-bag potato dumplings.  We need to figure out how to make a halal sausage.  We could be billionaires if we get it right!  Because there is no such thing as a halal sausage.  The problem is the casing: the stuffing is not an issue, because veal is exactly like pork in flavor and texture, or we can use the right blend of beef parts.  But the casing... what can be a halal substitute for pork intestine?

Oh wait a minute... I'm too lazy to run a food service industry.  I just want to snuggle and make love to my Julia.  Being a rock star already takes up all my energy, don't they realize that?  Do they think it's easy?  Let someone else be the billionaires, we'll just collect royalties.

I do love you, Julia.  Let time be your proof.  And I'm not going to to tell you to hurry up either, even though my feet hurt.

Letter to Julia 20120804

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia!  Are you having fun yet?  I'm not blonde, so it's all pretty serious to me, even though I seem daffy at times.  Judgement Day is a very serious matter, and to all of you, don't make your business of having fun and your business business supercede the Business of God.  I do enjoy the fasting month though, much more than the Eid.  I had a craving for sambal tumis petai to go with my rice and chicken for breaking fast, so I went to one of the stalls as the crossroads during rush hour on Friday.  Yeah, they had some of the stuff, but somehow I got caught up in yakking (even though I'm not much of a yakker) that I didn't look closely at what I was getting.  It turns out they made it with the petai having the skins on.  Sigh.  Shows you how much I know.  I do prefer my sambal tumis petai served without the skins, though.

By the way, mosquitoes are very dangerous here in Malaysia, especially the black and white striped ones, which like to appear outdoors right before sunset.  They like to breed in still water, even a bucket full is enough for their larvae.  Please don't let any of those buggers touch your beautiful skin.

Letter to Julia 20120802

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, Julia.  You are my beautiful young precious princess, I love you with all my heart, and I want to marry you.  I pray you are feeling well and confident.  You must be very busy, and there must be a lot of people around you right now.  Please make room for them if you are asked to make room.  Make Allah grant you a great mood.  Don't let the boasting and strutting around of skeptics and unbelievers ruin your good mood.  They are just passing the time until they get their butts kicked by God, and we are just waiting to watch.  If we care enough to observe, that is.

Letter to Julia 20120801

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi precious young Julia!  How are you coping today?  You must be working hard.  I haven't much to say today except that people who claim to believe in God have no power over the Grace of God, and that Grace is bestowed by God to whomever God wills.

Letter to Julia 20120731

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

YOOOOOOOLIIIIEEEEE!

You know my love, God has been kind to us in that we were not exposed to the crowd as children.  Alhamdulillah.  But the pressure of the public eye is hard on you still, my beloved.  Oh Julia, you poor sweetheart.  I love you and I want to nurture you.  Please be with me, and I will distract them away from you.  Don't speak to them.  Don't negotiate with them.  Don't explain anything to them.  Just be silent and mysterious.  Bloodthirsty the crowd may be, in order to be humble then we must be part of the crowd as well.  Let's be part of the crowd that goes to heaven, and be strong enough to resist the selfish and violent mass.  InsyaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20120730

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey Julia.  My dearest love.  The nights are still hot right now.  But I do so love the fasting month, more than I like the Eid.  I would like to tell you about my family.  My Dad is/was one of the first private lawyers in Perlis.  My Mom is a retired teacher.  I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.  I'm the recluse of the family.  Perlis is the home state of my mother, so she is the one with the deepest roots here.  More?

I've been analyzing these Victoria's Secret Fashion Shows, and I've figured out who your main rival for the position of Boss Model is.  I'm all for you!  My Julia!  Go Julia!  Everyone send in your vote for Julia to be Boss Model at Victoria's Secret right now!

Oh yes, I need to remind you to please keep measurements and scales to fit your comfort when designing a home.  Like doorways, table tops, kitchen counters, cabinets, drawers, toilet seats, etc should all be made to fit your height.  I'm sorry my dearest, I love you with all my heart, but I don't have a house plan yet.  I can't draw, and so many wacky, I mean strange things are happening to me right now, I have to pay attention in order to react properly.  Don't worry my love, my primary concern is for your happiness, and I actually like to sleep on the floor.  Also don't forget to add a huge dose of patience to whatever you're doing around here.  After all, you are Mrs. Global.

P.S. Thank you for your love.