Letter to Julia 20131216

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

EEEEK!!!!  I just had the fright of my life!  My ex-schoolmates finally tracked me down to my home and visited me!  I knew it would happen eventually, and even though I knew it would happen, I was still scared shitless!!  As you know, I don't have any friends.  Back in high school, I was the most hated person.  Suddenly they want me to go to their parties!  But I have no interest in making friends now.  I'm only interested in being with my Sweeties Julia and Erin at all times.

Anyway, please be sure to go out and eat or shop for food wherever you feel.  Say the word of peace when you enter.

Qur'an 20131216

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

158.  Say, "O humans!  I am sent unto you all, as the messenger of Allah, to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth.  There is no god but God.  It is God that gives both life and death.  So believe in Allah and God's messenger, the unlettered prophet, who believes in Allah and God's Words.  Follow him, that you may be guided."

The Heights 7:158
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I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship other than Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.

Letter to Julia 20131214

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beloved beautiful Queen Julia.  How are you feeling today?  How's business?  Ah!  I told you many times before that people will go bonkers over what you eat, so you had better pay more attention to your job as a professional endorser of food products.  This isn't an issue of privacy or pressure, so please don't be worried.  It is about the business of marriage, to ME.  You are MY girl, so people go crazy about your food.  So have fun with it, OK?  Be a diva about your food, OK?  Eat what you like, and what doesn't hurt your tummy.  Just remember the rules of halal, and don't overdo it.  I love you, Julia.

My dearest Erin, my dreamy beauty.  I finally got to watch the latest VS fashion show.  You are so beautiful, my heart soars to see what a wonderfully gorgeous woman you are.  I am so proud of you my mysterious princess, and I love you with all my heart. 

The same applies to you Erin, that people will go insane over what you eat, because it affects their income in some way.  MashaAllah.  Just don't forget the rules, and try to have fun OK?

Letter to Julia 20131210

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Love and greetings my beautiful ladies, my beloved Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today?  I had to vacuum clean my kitchen and living room yesterday, and it's been over a month since I last did that.  I'm so lazy!  But after all, I'm still alone and without you.  I wish we could be together during these intense times, but as you know, I cannot have you marry into my poverty, for your well-being is of highest priority to me, by the Will of Allah.  I would have to exert whatever influence I have from a distance to help you, confront some nasty bitches for example.  But I think it should be easier for you (as opposed to me) to capitalize on whatever fame Allah has given me, while I'm the one who takes the slide.  Just tell them, "I'm his wife, inshaAllah".  Being a woman has the general advantage that you don't have to face off enemies on a regular and physical basis: you would have a man do that for you.  Kill one snake, and there are five more that get away.  Big, fat ones too.  So I attract the snakes to me, away from you inshaAllah.  But Allah is the Best to Protect.

But Allah does not heap any burden on a soul more than it can bear.  So if you so happen to capitalize on whatever fame Allah has given me, then make sure you have your own route ready back to your comfort zone.  Like when Fluffy climbed onto my roof via the cherry tree in front of my bedroom window, she stays on the roof pleading with me to bring her down.  Get down the same way you got up, Fluffy!  I'm too heavy to climb up that cherry tree!

Anyway, please pray and make sure you thank Allah for whatever advantage that God has given you.  Thank you for your love, my precious wives.  Ya Allah, thank you for Julia and Erin.

Letter to Julia 20131210

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hugs and loving greetings, my dearest beloved Julia and Erin.  Yesterday I was feeling so agitated, my hands were still shaking at sunset.  I had to drive all over town to find drugs for the drug addict cat, and to find a place to blog.  Then I had to deal with nasty bitches trying to muscle my Sweeties.  Nasty bitches!  They probably earned their modeling positions through politics as opposed to actual beauty.  Everyone can tell who they are.  They are the ones who look like beef jerky wearing beautiful lingerie.

Of course it is important for you to wear beautiful clothes, because you are my Sweeties and you are Top Models, and since you are MY Sweeties that makes topper than any other top model.  Just don't be wasteful and excessive in your fashion, because Allah does not love those who waste by excess.  Dress beautifully wherever you go.  Don't dress sexy, dress beautifully.

Letter to Julia 20131209

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, my dearest Julia and Erin.  Wow, it's getting more and more tedious to blog this letter.  Too much fame is the problem.  Please be patient and pray, and inshaAllah our situation will be resolved with ease.  You must have some nasty bitches trying to put a cap on how high and how quickly you are rising.  Well, you are MY girls, and I love YOU, so in my eyes you are way better than them.

I attended a wedding yesterday, just up the street next to the elementary school.  I went early to join the village men in saying a prayer.  Then I ate, which was rice with chicken, fish, salted fish and eggplant.  I didn't stay long because I didn't want to hang around.  They had an India-style drum troupe for entertainment with a snake charmer flute going.  I had to voice train over that, but my singing should have matched well with them in a ghostly sort of way.  I have to admit I was a little bummed out, because I want to be married to you.  So please be patient with me and have faith in Allah, and pray with me that Allah will grant me the wealth I need to give you a happy and secure married life soon.

I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Julia 20131207

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Good Saturday, my dearest Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today?  Are you keeping safe, and taking good, loving care of yourself?  Please remember how important you are and are to me, Mrs. Global.  I am waiting as you are waiting, for Allah to bless me with the wealth I need to give you a happy and secure married life.  That is my commitment, and I intend to keep it, inshaAllah.  Please pray with me that it will be soon.

I had fish for dinner.  It's the mackerel I bought for Batty and I had to finish it, now that's he's all grown up and gone female hunting.  The pulverized shrimp I told you about worked excellently for stuffed wontons, and it was OK for stuffing grilled fish.  It took only 2 days in the cooler for it to ferment, and after it did, it can only be used as flavoring or fond.  Which I did use for fond for my fried rice, which would have been perfect if I hadn't put too much water in the rice when I steamed it.  It was the normal amount of water I normally use, but this time I put bamboo shoots into the rice when I cooked it.  Perhaps that was what made it sticky.  I plan to work on my dessert skills in the future.  I don't eat much sweets: I prefer savory over sweet, but I want to make many chocolate goodies for you, because I love you, and I want to pamper you.  Please don't overdo the munchies, and we will have a home blood sugar level tester, inshaAllah.