Letter to Julia 20131209

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, my dearest Julia and Erin.  Wow, it's getting more and more tedious to blog this letter.  Too much fame is the problem.  Please be patient and pray, and inshaAllah our situation will be resolved with ease.  You must have some nasty bitches trying to put a cap on how high and how quickly you are rising.  Well, you are MY girls, and I love YOU, so in my eyes you are way better than them.

I attended a wedding yesterday, just up the street next to the elementary school.  I went early to join the village men in saying a prayer.  Then I ate, which was rice with chicken, fish, salted fish and eggplant.  I didn't stay long because I didn't want to hang around.  They had an India-style drum troupe for entertainment with a snake charmer flute going.  I had to voice train over that, but my singing should have matched well with them in a ghostly sort of way.  I have to admit I was a little bummed out, because I want to be married to you.  So please be patient with me and have faith in Allah, and pray with me that Allah will grant me the wealth I need to give you a happy and secure married life soon.

I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Julia 20131207

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Good Saturday, my dearest Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today?  Are you keeping safe, and taking good, loving care of yourself?  Please remember how important you are and are to me, Mrs. Global.  I am waiting as you are waiting, for Allah to bless me with the wealth I need to give you a happy and secure married life.  That is my commitment, and I intend to keep it, inshaAllah.  Please pray with me that it will be soon.

I had fish for dinner.  It's the mackerel I bought for Batty and I had to finish it, now that's he's all grown up and gone female hunting.  The pulverized shrimp I told you about worked excellently for stuffed wontons, and it was OK for stuffing grilled fish.  It took only 2 days in the cooler for it to ferment, and after it did, it can only be used as flavoring or fond.  Which I did use for fond for my fried rice, which would have been perfect if I hadn't put too much water in the rice when I steamed it.  It was the normal amount of water I normally use, but this time I put bamboo shoots into the rice when I cooked it.  Perhaps that was what made it sticky.  I plan to work on my dessert skills in the future.  I don't eat much sweets: I prefer savory over sweet, but I want to make many chocolate goodies for you, because I love you, and I want to pamper you.  Please don't overdo the munchies, and we will have a home blood sugar level tester, inshaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20131205

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there my most beloved, how are you feeling?  It's been raining everyday lately, and I've barely been able to get out of the house to blog without getting drenched.  Julia, I hope you are staying safe and healthy.  Please realize that you are not the same as you were 4 years ago in respect of the Public Eye,  Yeah, fame is not a blessing, and can be a real drag, but it can make money.  So please be a wise businesswoman, and remember that the goal of our marriage is to slow down, and have the business come to us.  InshaAllah.  The same goes to you, Erin.  Plus, one thing about being married to me is the supernatural: it has a habit of being real most of the time, if not all the time.  The community here accepts the supernatural as part of their daily lives, and so does the environment.  I have no choice but to live a spiritual life, that's why it is important to me that both of your Islam is genuine.  You don't have to be extreme, just sincere.  My job is to provide for you, love you, and help protect you.  InshaAllah.  You are loved.  Please don't ever feel abandoned, and always know that you are loved.

Letter to Julia 20131202

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, my beautiful precious Julia.  It's raining right now, but I'm only partially drenched.  I bought some shrimp last night at the night market.  I plan to pulverize it with garlic, lemongrass, and onion into a stuffing.  My Dad bought me one of those large Scads, so I'll be grilling a fish tomorrow, and I won't be in to blog perhaps.  Grilling anything is such an involved project.  I also bought some wonton skins for my shrimp stuffing.  Wanna join me for munchies?  How about you, Erin?  Julia, I hope you haven't been trying to make friends with people who wish to harm you.  Please don't do that.  Stay in your own territory.  Come to me.  I love you, and will embrace you.  I will help to protect you.  InshaAllah.  Allah is the Best to protect.  Please do not annoy God by making friends with people who wish to harm you.

Hey Erin, you gorgeous thing you!  How are you feeling, Gorgeous?  I'm watching the VS fashion show backstage right now.  Oh, you are so beautiful!  Is that natural beauty?  Wow!  The fashion show hasn't hit the Web yet, so I haven't seen it.  I can't wait to see you in your awesome outfits.  Oh, the anticipation!  I love you, Erin.

Letter to Julia 20131201

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Dearest Julia, I don't normally blog on a Sunday, but I just had to tell you something.  My sources tell me that you are accident prone right now, so please avoid travel as much as possible.  This is compounded by the fact that more people are jealous of you now more than ever.  You know jealousy, right?  It's a Biblical thing.  Qur'anic, rather.  Be suspicious of business that underpays you and forces you to travel.  I hate it when people don't know how much you're worth.  They had better start treating you better now before they have to go through me to get your business.  I would dig up all their skeletons in their closets just to protect my Julia.  InshaAllah.

You take care too, Erin.  You both mean the world to me, and I love you with all my heart.

Letter to Julia 20131130

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

My little Batty-Watty Bat Cat is all grown up!  *sob*  He's become a full grown cat now, and he doesn't play around and isn't mischievous anymore, and he sneers at all the females that are not in heat.  All business.  There's nothing wrong with his health, he still has a tremendous appetite.  It's his attitude.  It's like he's turned into the Godfather.

As you can tell, I'm still typing in my letter live.  I hate it, because I have to be blunt and extra cautious of saying something that would hurt your precious feelings.   I love you with all my heart.

My dearest, beautiful Julia.  The crisis of ownership over Casa de Julia is not over yet.  And to be practical, the crisis will not be over until the title is in my name.  But please don't worry.  Please pray that Allah grants success and happiness in our marriage with promptness and ease.  I love you, Julia.

Oh Erin, I still haven't seen the latest VS fashion show.  It's not on the Internet yet.  I can't wait to see how beautiful and ravishing you are.  I love you, Erin.

Letter to Julia 20131127

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

My dearest and beloved Julia, please don't be saddened about your house.  If it be destined that Allah brings us together in marriage, that would include your house, right?  Normally, the situation is something I would get loud and aggressive about, but this time it's best to be patient.  I love you so much, my Julia.  Please call upon Allah in humility and in private.

Have you been in a rather silly mood lately, Erin?  I'm quite a silly person myself at times.  Just to lighten up the seriousness of it all.  Could you please be serious just for a moment, and pray for Julia's house?  I love you, Erin.  But here's a little video to help make you and Julia smile.