This month's exploration into Erin's food continues with ranch dressing. The beauty of ranch dressing is that it can make almost anything taste good if you pour enough ranch dressing on it. Ranch dressing is basically mayo and milk with seasonings which is mostly salt and onions and chives. When I was back at the restaurant, I made ranch dressing with buttermilk and mayo, but I think it's fine to use milk or cream if you balance the milky flavor with the mayo. Today I made my own mayo with egg whites and palm oil. Then I used milk, anchovy bouillon and chives and guess what? It tastes like ranch. But it was kind of runny (more milk than mayo) so I thickened it up with powdered milk ( I had to run to the supermarket to get that). Now it tastes milky, but I'll balance that out tomorrow. Obviously I don't have a set recipe for my home made ranch dressing yet, but it's still good. So for dinner today, I made a veggie platter with jicama, broccoli and tomatoes. With ranch dressing, of course.
Natty Honey, your movie assignment for today is "The Matrix" from 1999. Yes I know you've seen it already but watch it again, this time from the perspective of a professional in mass media (namely, MY girl). Or should I say "movie star"? You can be a movie star if you want to, but please be my wife first if you want my endorsement. You know, using humans as batteries is an interesting idea and all, but they should have farmed electric eels instead. More power per hassle value. The machines should have known that.
For all you folks out there that have been trying to recreate the dishes I've posted on this blog but have resulted in diarrhea and nausea, you are not doing it right because you probably do not have the experience nor the sensitivity to make those dishes. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I have had decades of experience working in restaurants, plus I am also a fairly good photographer. The best advice I can give you is the same advice I gave to Erin and Natalie, is to think of your stomach first before adding flavor. Make sure the food doesn't hurt your tummy first! Then add flavor gradually. I personally rarely follow recipes, unless it's something like dough or keow teow kerang (fried flat noodles with cockles) because those foods have to be the same every time: I usually eyeball or estimate what I need, and since I'm not rich I always go with the flow. But it takes experience to really understand what your stomach can handle, so try and try and try again!
How's your tummy doing, Erin? I assume you are very busy, but if you are back in NYC you have all the great restaurants there to buy your high class and posh foods that your precious tummy so deserves. Please take sweet loving care of yourself, because you are my heart and I love you very much.
Natty Sweetie! How are those studies? Well here's more for you to study: your next movie assignment is "Josie And The Pussycats" from 2001. It's a parody derived from the Illuminati type conspiracies, which is famous for plotted assassinations of rock stars and other celebrities. In this movie the motive is to hide brainwashing, but in real life people are more interested in maintaining power plus the ongoing income that great music generates. But nowadays, nobody is great anymore. No more Beatles, The Doors, Led Zeppelin etc. Anyway, there's a solid piece of advice this movie gives us: if you are feeling down think to yourself , "I'm a punk rock prom queen." Please watch the movies I ask you to watch when I ask you to watch them. Timing is everything!
There are monkeys living here! I saw them, they were strolling about casually in the duck farmer's yard next door. My Mom saw them too: a mother and child. The monkeys, that is. Now don't get excited, Erin. This town has a thriving mango industry, and monkeys can be pests. Probably someone set them loose here to destroy crops. If you want to raise a monkey, you had better get it as an infant and keep it under control. I don't want a monkey as a pet.
But what do the monkeys mean? I went to the market in the morning to get more salad fixings. Maybe it were monkeys that suddenly raised the price of spinach, and sold out all the tofu. I did buy some broccoli and jicama though. I'm thinking of using the broccoli for a tempura, while I used the jicama to make a salad. A spinach, tomato, jicama, Chinese cabbage and cucumber salad. I used the pink vinaigrette. I assume you must like my vinaigrette, because Floofy loves my vinaigrette. She's always ready to pounce on a vegetable that squirts out of my mouth and onto the floor. I can't just let her drink the stuff though. It's oil and vinegar.
Hey Natty Honey! How's school? I hope you are doing great! Today's movie assignment is "The Gods Must Be Crazy" from 1980. It's a cheesy little comedy made as an independent film, but gained enough popularity to spawn a sequel. I especially love the music. I don't know how easy it would be for you to find this movie, but please watch the movies I ask you to watch when I ask you to watch it, because I will be watching it at the same time.
Hi Honey! How are you today? How's work? I suppose you are keeping busy, so please keep safe as well and make sure you get plenty of rest. Me, I'm feeling slightly agitated but not out of control. It's probably all the tourists that are in town for the holiday weekend. MashaAllah, it's almost as if the tourists never left town.... But I'm out of salad fixings, and I need to go and buy some more. I think tomorrow I will be able to eat leaves again inshaAllah. Rather instead, my Mom gave me 3 packs of rice vermicelli. Plus I still have one and half packs still unused. So I guess today's adventure into Erin's food is rice vermicelli something. All these rice products are local economy, not just that but the neighbor to the north which is Thailand also generates rice products. Which is where this rice vermicelli is from. You can eat rice, right? So I made rice vermicelli wok fried in sauce, it's quite tasty, and it turned out to be more photogenic than I expected. Oh, but I put chicken in there. Do you eat chicken? I guess we can add the chicken after. It has a egg in there too. Do you eat egg?
Hey Natty Honey! Are you excited? Are you? Are you? You beautiful creature! How are those exams coming along? I hope you did well. I'm guessing that you like salads too. No salads on the menu today, but you are more than welcome to partake of the rice vermicelli. Hey, I'm glad your tummy has calmed down. But we love that excitement too, don't we? You can have both, Honey. Whatever your situation, just be patient and pray.
Egg salad is a salad, right? It's got the word "salad" in it, so it must be a salad. So for today's salad, I made egg salad, with chopped celery and onions. Of course it tastes great, I used Heinz's salad cream. I also sauteed up some Chinese cabbage with chopped eggplant and garlic. To be eaten with fresh tortillas. But does this qualify as Erin food? Oh, not the tortillas. Next time I'll use large leaves instead of tortillas. But not today though- I need a break from eating leaves until my mouth stops hurting.
Natty Sweetie, your movie assignment for today is "Sherlock Holmes Faces Death" from 1944. Oh you don't have to hunt and pay for this movie Honey, it's on YouTube! Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce were perfectly cast as Holmes and Watson, but the scripts were so awful it ruined the movies they made. The producers tried too hard to be "contemporary". However, this movie came close to the dreary, haunted English mansion feel that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle portrayed. Which ironically, is contemporary to good old England in 2018.
I had to take a break from eating leaves today, Honey. Please forgive me, apparently I have no stamina as a herbivore. I'm learning a lot though, and my poop has never been more solid. But I still had a block of tofu left, so I made tofu in soup. Does that qualify as Erin food? Have you ever had tofu in soup? The concept is basically a ramen noodles in soup approach, except that we use a block of tofu instead of a brick of ramen.
It looks impressive, but I used too much water so it was kind of tasteless. Last week when I was hunting for salad fixings, I came across this store that sold burger fixings, and I bought myself a lamb chop and kept that in the freezer. So today, I had a pan-fried lamb chop with fries for dinner. Oh Erin, I like that so much better than a salad. I'm sorry! I didn't take a photo though.
Aw Natty Honey, don't you start counting your fingers again. I want you to feel secure, because now is a great time to be Natty. You have the world at your feet, and you have people who love you and want to take sweet loving care of you. Namely me! So study hard, and do well in school OK?
Azham Abdullah. I stream the Qur'an twice everyday at https://radio.free-shoutcast.com/site/64052 I am the guardian and representative of a singer named Mary Unknown7. Mary sings everyday from 11 pm to 1 am PDT at twitch.tv/maryunknown7
