Letter to Erin 20160430

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

It's raining right now!  Alhamdulillah.  So did you have lots of fun with the LA underground?  How on earth did you get that connection?  It must have been a thrill for you to be an outlaw, when those rent-a-cops shone their flashlights at you, and you fled for your life.  You're so cute, Erin!  No please don't get mad at me, please stay a good girl!  I need you to be safe and protected, if anything happened to you I would be absolutely mortified!  I love you so much.  And I need you.

Tonight is sushi night.  I filleted all that sole yesterday, and I went and got some seaweed sheets this morning, so I'm set to make some sushi.  A few setbacks though: I had a leftover seaweed sheet from a year ago and I couldn't waste that, I used Basmati rice which isn't sticky so there were rice grains spilling all over the place, and I don't have wasabi so I used mustard powder instead.  I used sole, egg, and chives to stuff my rolls.  I should have fried up the skins and fins, but I forgot.  I don't use one of those bamboo roller thingies, I just use my hands.  I left the chives long so they would tickle your nose, and the arrangement looks somewhat like a skyscraper landscape.  Want some?

Letter to Erin 20160429

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

The purpose of our marriage is to stay put  and raise a family.  That means no travel.  It's awesome that the world is your oyster right now, and you're busy and successful, but please make a plan to suspend travel after you marry me inshaAllah so you can devote your time to being a mother to your children, and raise them to be good people.  You can still conduct business, but they will have to come to you.  Please make this arrangement!  I love you and I need you.

That being said, congratulations on your new ventures, and you have my support.  Please please please be careful when you go politicking, especially in LA, I don't want you to get hooked or harmed!  Before you register your charity, consider that some people might mistake it for the TransGender Foundation.  Especially if you wear those upside down triangle earrings.  Using your full name is more dignified, don't you agree?  And keep those books straight!  The problem with lack of privacy is that sometimes people know exactly how much change you have in your pocket.

I bought some sole at the market this morning.  You know, flatfish.  It takes some experience to find fish that tastes great for sushi, and sole is awesomely sweet.  The top fillet is soft while the bottom fillet is chewy.  I like to use both in sushi.  Processing sole is tedious, and I spent the evening doing that.  I had to scale and gut it, and it has a LOT of scales for such a small fish.  The skin can be peeled off, and I keep the skin and the fins because they crisp up nicely.  I think it's sushi for dinner tomorrow!  I hope the Chinese grocery store has seaweed sheets.

But dinner tonight was rice.  Most people here eat steamed rice everyday, with a variety of side dishes.  This is known locally as "nasi lauk campur" or "nasi campur".  I prefer steamed rice with only one side dish.  So tonight's dinner was sliced tenderloin with red peppers, onions, and tofu stir fried in light soy sauce and black pepper, to be eaten with steamed rice.  Alhamdulillah.  I'm so full.

Letter to Erin 20160428

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello beautiful Erin.  Hello beautiful Antonia.  How are those emotions today?  I want you to rejoice, because the world is in the palms of your hands, and you didn't have to do too much for it either, and you didn't have to sell your souls.  So why should you care about what the hypocrites have to say?  They are not your friends, and they won't be your friends even if you please them.  While the world is going bonkers over you two, of course I rejoice as well for I am so grateful, but I'm 50 and I've used up most of my libido.  I'm going to have to do drugs to keep up with you.  Sex, Viagra and Rock and Roll.  Rejoice in the world in rememberance of the afterlife, because it is a much better place for the righteous.  No more heartbreak, no more resentment, no more imperfection, no growing old.  Please be good people and pray, because the afterlife is a much better place.

What is home?  It's your house, of course.  I give my life to Allah to build it for you, inshaAllah.  At the gate is an old amra tree, about 50 years old.  It bears so much fruit, and is full of young fruit right now.  The fruit tastes like a slightly sour pear when young, and tastes like a kiwi/peach when fully ripe.  I don't eat much of it, so the neighbors partake of the fruit, which is great for dipping and pickles.  8 years ago, my Mom and I went looking for amra seedlings, and I have one from then which I turned into a bonsai, which I parked in front of my little house.

Are you still being a politician in LA?  I'm sorry if you don't feel comfortable being so immersed in food business without your knowledge, but you had better be ready for it because it's going to happen anyway.  There's not much to it, my beloved.  Just eat what you like to eat and don't eat what you don't like to eat.  You can learn how to cook if you want, it just takes practice.  It's part of success to be a market bender, so rejoice in the world, but remember that the afterlife is a better place.  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160427

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

What is home?  For women and children, it is easy for you to return home to your mother.  But I am a 50 year old man.  For me to say that I want to go home to my Mommy is simply freakish.  It just doesn't sound right.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my mother with all my heart but a man needs a place to call his own, a family to call his own.  You are my family, and I am your home inshaAllah.  I love you and I need you.  Ya Allah, please help me.

This morning I went to pay my power bill.  At the same time, I stopped by the Tuesday market down the road and picked up a kilo of shrimp.  Big shrimp, good price.  I think they're farmed shrimp.  I also went downtown to the main market, and got more tofu and won ton skins.  So lunch was obviously fried won tons stuffed with shrimp.  It was a late lunch, because I spent a lot of time processing shrimp.  I had to cut off the moustaches, separate to heads from the bodies, then shell the shrimp for the won tons.  I love shrimp heads, they're great for flavor and for stuffing.  But don't stuff won tons with them!  Stuffed won tons should be light in flavor, so you can't use beef or chicken.  Seafood white meat only, clam meat is OK.  I made 43 won tons.  No, I didn't eat them all in one sitting.  I saved a few for my dinner, which was a block of tofu swimming in thick curry, with won tons.

In the evening, I trimmed the scrub over at your house inshaAllah.  The army ants attacked my balls again, so I had to douse them with pesticide again.  Then I dug up a tapioca for my Mom.  It was HUGE!  I love you, Mom!

Letter to Erin 20160426

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I've mentioned this before, that as my wife you are automatically an endorser of food products.  You might as well take advantage of this privilege, and enjoy the tastes of the world, have dinner parties, eat with your friends at good restaurants, and spend lots of time at the supermarket.  Why, you can even get your agent to arrange endorsements.  It doesn't matter if you know how to cook or not.  Just eat what you like, and don't eat what you don't like.  Of course, if you learn how to cook you will have more power.  And of course, no one wants you to get bloated, least of all me, but I'm sure you know your limit.  You're a professional, right?  Just keep it halal, please.

For example, you know how much I like buffalo wings.  That's hot chicken wings, folks.  A throwback from the pizza days.  I used to eat suicide wings!  Nowadays I got my home made hot sauce which is milder than suicide wings but just as tasty, and at one point I was eating chicken wings every week, a kilo at a time.  Yeah, man-sized portions.  Then suddenly, nobody would sell me chicken wings.  "I don't have chicken wings."  "Those wings come with the chicken."  "I don't have enough to give you."  All sorts of excuses.  But tonight at the night market, blessings rained upon me.  After one guy refused to sell me chicken wings, 5 minutes later another stall popped out of nowhere stacked chest high with chicken, and the guy said "Yeah, I'll sell you chicken wings."  Yeah!  Looks like hot wings this week, Gorgeous Babes!

I bought some chicken rice at the night market for dinner.  Lunch was an eggplant and cheese omelet with hash browns.  Looks like diner food, huh?  I should have left the ketchup in the photo.  Come on over for chicken wings, Babe!  Gorgeous!  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160425

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Antonia, I'm afraid I cannot offer you a proposal with dowry until I have married Erin, and she has settled down in her new house, and if I can afford it, gives me written permission to have a second wife.  Until then, the best I can offer you is an endorsement as a potential second wife.  InshaAllah it would be very helpful to your career, because after all the endorsement of an athlete does not generate much or any revenue for a modeling or acting career.  My source tells me that you are in an oppressive relationship.  Has he hit you?  I can take you as a wife, but like I said Erin has priority.  What you need to do is to stop carrying trash with you wherever you go.  Dump it.

I'm the last to get paid.  I have yet to get paid.  I remember working in a restaurant, my job was to make sure the dough was the same every time, among other things.  The money I received from cooking I put into the music, to generate music, to keep the music alive.  Nowadays it's the music that's making money, but I haven't received any of it yet.  Yes I know I must be patient, and I am grateful that Allah chose me to bear this music.  I don't want your hard earned money.  It is my responsibility to finance our marriage, so I ask you to please love me and be patient with me until Allah grants me the means to pay for our marriage.

I don't know what happiness is.  Allah has provided me by inspiration this direction, that perhaps I may find happiness in marriage.  I love you and I need you.

Please make a donation of a minimum of one US dollar or one Euro to a worthwhile charity.

Qur'an 20160425

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

77.  Haven't you turned your vision to those who were told to restrain their hands, but establish regular prayers and spend in regular charity?When the order for fighting was issued to them, behold!  A section of them feared humans as, or even more than, they should have feared Allah.  They said, "Our Lord!  Why have You ordered us to fight?  Would You not grant us respite to our term, soon?"  Say, "Short is the enjoyment of this world.  The hereafter is the best for those who do right: never will you be dealt with unjustly in the very least!"

78.  Wherever you are, death will find you out, even if you are in towers built up strong and high!  If some good befalls them, they say, "This is from Allah."  But if evil, they say, "This is from you."  Say, "All things are from Allah."  But what has come to these people that they fail to understand a single fact?

(The Women 4:77-78)
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