Letter to Julia 20141130

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

What a month it's been!  I pray you both are feeling great, and having lots of fun.  Please maintain your prayers.  I see your nose has sparked a wave of German nationalism, Julia.  Am I correct?  Well, you do have a beautiful nose.  I love your nose.  Now from what I understand from studying the Qur'an, I believe that God's consideration of Rasputin is that he "was disdainful of God's gifts, and gave himself up to worldly enjoyment."  I'm sure there are some spiritual healers out there, and they are not witchdoctors because they don't use magic.  All I do is put people and animals to sleep, mashaAllah.

I went to the cat show yesterday.  There were a LOT of people there.  So many people, but not that many cats.  But I was there early at 10 am though, so I'm sure some of the stars had not shown up yet.  They had the show at the snake farm.  I came eye to eye with a king cobra.  Very creepy.  Makes me want to carry a shotgun.  I hate snakes.  They scare me, and fill me with the urge to kill.  Anyway, speaking of cats, poor little Bat Cat has acquired a serious disposition.  This is because his mother is so strict with him.  She's strict with all the kittens, but more so with Batty.  She doesn't tolerate any frivolity or innuendo from him whatsoever.  But he has been extremely well behaved.

It's almost time for the VS fashion show!!  I can't wait to see my sweetie!  I'm sure she's going to be so beautiful.  You are going to be there Erin, are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you?  Are you? 

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141128

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I've been watching the Olympic figure skating championships since Katarina Witt, and there's an interesting sequence in the gold medal winners.  Let's see... Germany, Germany, Ukraine, USA, USA, Japan, South Korea, and Russia.  Does this sound like the current politics you're embroiled in, Julia dearest?  Must be BIG money.  Well, don't think "World War One": I think that's the wrong perspective.  Please remember that you are my wife, inshaAllah.  And I am merely a servant of Allah.  Since I'm so hard to reach, people are trying to reach you in order to reach me.  Just pretend you're already here.  Geographically.

And Erin dearest, I'm going to do the same questionnaire you did with LynetteJoselly.com 2012.  So I'm slow, OK?

Q:  Tell us about the VS very sexy tour.
A:  I'm too lazy to tour.

Q:  Describe yourself in 3 words.
A:  Unknown, Vague, Islam.

Q:  A message to upcoming models.
A:  Be cautious in love.

Q:  Are you a sporty or a girly-girl?
A:  Girly-girl.

Q:  Tell us about the Very Sexy Spring 2012 collection.
A:  You should ask Erin that.

Q:  When do you feel the most sexy?
A:  15 minutes after I wake up in the morning.

Q:  What is your favorite exercise?
A:  Chopping trees, as long as it falls in the right direction.

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141125

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beautiful Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are feeling healthy and confident, and having a great time.  Everyone around me seems to be rushing around.  I'm already where I'm supposed to go, so it's pointless for me to rush around.  But the weather keeps me on my toes- it has been very wet lately.  So I've been taking it slow.  I've started playing pinball again, and I'm totally out of practice.  I've become very bulky in my old age: I'm bumping into walls and crushing things in my path, so I've lost much sensitivity and fast reflexes needed for pinball.  I did cut the grass by the road outside of Casa de Julia inshaAllah.  The grass was so wet, and itched very much when it splattered on my face.  Nothing special on the menu either.  I've been finishing off that awesome home made beef sausage, so it's been a lot of pizza for me.  I had some eggplant, so I hollowed them out and stuffed them with sauce, sausage, and cheese.  Tasted refreshing, but the pizza tasted better.  Sausage, eggplant and basil pizza.  Yummy and greasy.  I love grease.  I'm a bad boy.

This happens to be my week of isolation, so you won't hear from me again until Friday or Saturday.  Please take good loving care of yourselves in my absence.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141125

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

49.  No, here are Signs self-evident in the hearts of those endowed with knowledge, and none but the unjust reject Our Signs.

50.  Yet they say, "Why are not Signs sent down to him from his Lord?"  Say: "The Signs are indeed with Allah, and I am indeed a clear warner."

51.  And is it not enough for them that We sent down to you the Book which is rehearsed to them?  Verily, in it is Mercy and a Reminder to those who believe.

52.  Say: "Enough is Allah for a Witness between me and you: God knows what is in the heavens and on earth, and it is those who believe in vanities and reject Allah, that will perish."

53.  They ask you to hasten on the Punishment: had it not been for a term appointed, the Punishment would certainly have come to them, and it will certainly reach them- of a sudden, while they perceive not!

54.  They ask you to hasten on the Punishment: but of a surety, hell will encompass the rejecters of Faith!

55.  On the Day that the Punishment shall cover them from above them and from below them, and shall say: "Taste you of your deeds!"

56.  O My servants who believe!  Truly spacious is My Earth, therefore serve you Me!

57.  Every soul shall have a taste of death: in the end to Us shall you be brought back.

58.  But those who believe, and work deeds of righteousness- to them shall We give a Home in Heaven: lofty mansions which flow rivers, to dwell therein for aye- an excellent reward for those who do!

59.  Those who persevere in patience, and put their trust in their Lord and Cherisher.

60.  How many are the creatures that carry not their own sustenance?  It is Allah who feeds them and you, for God hears and knows.

61.  If indeed you ask them who has created the heavens and the earth, and subjected the sun and the moon, they will certainly reply, "Allah".  How are they then deluded away?

62.  Allah enlarges the sustenance to whichever of God's servants God pleases: and God grants by measure, for Allah has full knowledge of all things.

63.  And if indeed you ask them who it is that sends down rain from the sky, and gives life therewith to the earth after its death, they will certainly reply, "Allah!"  Say: "Praise be to Allah!" but most of them understand not.

The Spider 29:49-63
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The Signs are indeed with Allah, and I am indeed a clear warner.

Enough is Allah for a Witness between me and you: God knows what is in the heavens and on earth, and it is those who believe in vanities and reject Allah, that will perish.

Praise be to Allah!

Qur'an 20141124

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

45.  Recite what is sent of the Book by inspiration to you, and establish regular prayer, for prayer restrains from shameful and unjust deeds.  And rememberance of Allah is the greatest, without doubt.  And Allah knows what you do.

46.  And dispute you not with the people of the Book except with means better, unless it be with those of them who inflict wrong.  But say, "We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you: our God and your God is One, and it is to God we bow".

47.  And thus, that We have sent down the Book to you.  So the people of the Book believe therein, as also do some of these, and none but unbelievers reject Our Signs.

The Spider  29:45-47
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We believe in the Revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you: our God and your God is One, and it is to God we bow.

Letter to Julia 20141122

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I'm pleased to announce that the search results for your videos have at least tripled since last week.  This is good news because it's not Google.  The bad news is that some of them are misleading.  Well, you know what I mean.  It's like you're playing ice hockey.

That's just the Internet.  It's become obvious that more and more people are smelling the money.  Suddenly you're not in too big of a hurry to get married, huh?  Well, take your time.  Make lots of money for yourselves, please.  It does not reflect well on your reputation and your destiny that you lag behind, but I forgive you.  What I care about is your chastity, and your Islam.  Don't be extremists, just maintain your prayers with sincerity, and do the best you can with the situation that Allah has given you.  This is what will matter to me when my time comes, rather when the money comes to me inshaAllah.  Then I will build your house.

I want you to know that you are loved, and I am here for you, and faithful inshaAllah.  So hang in there.  No matter what some people may say or do, you are loved, you are loved.  I will not abandon you, inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141119

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

There's a cat show in town!  Yes, even out here in the sticks, there's a cat show.  It's actually quite popular, and they've been having the event annually for quite a while already.  No, I'm not participating.  I just love my cats, that's all.

Have I introduced you to my kittens?  The leader is clearly Bob Cat.  He's mouse colored, with stripes on the legs.  He's long, slender, and very fast.  He is the closest in looks to the father.  If a cat could be macho and gallant, then that's Bob Cat.

The other boy is Bat Cat, a black and white cat with cute little black spots on his hind legs.  He's also the most intelligent, but he uses his brains to plot some new naughtiness.  He's also full of innuendo, which his mother dislikes.  I've seen her give him a slap just for the way he looked at her.

------- looks just like Mama Cat Floofy al-Ramadan who is a white and blonde calico, except that she has a stubby tail.  She can be very aggressive, especially about her food.  She's always the first to punch and box the others over some cat food.  I've learned to keep my hand far away from her when putting down the cat food.

At first I thought ---- was a calico/tortoiseshell, but when I looked up Google images, she's closest to an American shorthair with a white underbelly and legs.  She's also the athlete of the bunch, and can jump and scale great heights.

Lastly, ---- is a white and grey calico.  She's a dainty little thing, the waif girl if you will.  She's also the softest, with the sweetest personality.  None of my kittens purr for me, but she once gave a short purr when I told her I would give her some extra food.  Why won't they purr for me?  I guess I'm technically their mother's human, not theirs.

P.S.  Julia and Erin, I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141119

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

18.  And if you reject, so did generations before you.  And the duty of the messenger is only to preach publicly.

19.  See they not how Allah originates creation, then repeats it: truly that is easy for Allah.

20.  Say, "Travel through the earth and see how Allah did originate creation, so will Allah produce a later creation, for Allah has power over all things."

The Spider  29:18-20
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Travel through the earth and see how Allah did originate creation, so will Allah produce a later creation, for Allah has power over all things.

Letter to Julia 20141118

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Life is not supposed to be easy.  It's not supposed to be fair, it's not supposed to be perfect.  You know this.  One thing is for certain, is that Allah will test your faith.  It is up to you to be patient and persevering, for if you despair, it means you never had any faith to begin with.  I can tell you that Allah has granted you great beauty.  I can see this.  You have what most other women desire, so give thanks to Allah.  You also have what most men crave, so please take appropriate behavior to protect yourselves.  When we are married inshaAllah, I will help to protect you, but until then please take loving care of yourselves.

I want to remind you that it is very lonely at the top.  Very, very few people will understand your problems.  But you are at the top.  So accept your fate, and deal with it.  This is a spiritual game you're playing now, so be aware of it.  Don't let people sway you, and they will always try.  They may claim that they will bear your faults, but they can't.  You are in spiritual reality now: you are responsible for your own soul.  With Allah as my Witness, I am with you, and I am faithful.  So please be patient, and pray.  Put your trust in Allah, be vigilant, and do the best you can.  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Urgh... I was impatient with my fried calamari, but I was hungry.  I had too little oil, and too much calamari.  It didn't matter that the oil was super hot.  It didn't turn out perfect.  A combination of eating too much and imperfection.  Next time, I'll be more patient.  Urgh again.

Letter to Julia 20141116

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful Julia and Erin!  How are you feeling today, my dearest wives?  I pray that you are feeling great, and having a great time.  I've been staying at home most of the time, because I had to stay within my budget.  My bamboo shoots stew turned out quite well.  I flavored it with salted fish and anchovy bouillon, then added onions, garlic, seaweed, a pinch of rice, julienned kaffir lime shoots, and some krill.  It must be somewhat OK, because it earned me "A Snort and a Scowl" award from my mother, the most competitive cook on the planet.  I love you, Mom!

Hey Erin, don't stand so close to that guy.  You don't have to be so close to him to fit into the picture.  You know as well as I do that even normal lens have a fairly wide view, that you can be about a yard away from him.  Even in the middle of a dense crowd.  I want you to start carrying an umbrella with you, so you can be at least an umbrella's length away from strange guys.  It would also be handy to whack people with, if the need arises.  When we marry inshaAllah, I intend to keep you and Julia with me at all times.  If I have to go pray at the mosque, you will be coming with me.  I might even take you with me to throw out the garbage.

On a more serious note, I want to remind you that we are a Muslim family.  So please do not give your endorsement to enemies of God (atheists, pagans, satanists, etc).  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141116

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

84.  If any do good, the reward to him is better than his deed, but if any do evil, the doers of evil are only punished of their deeds.

85.  Verily God Who ordained the Qur'an for you, will bring you back to the Place of Return.  Say, "My Lord knows best who it is that brings true guidance, and who is in manifest error."

86.  And you did not expect that the Book would be sent to you except as a Mercy from your Lord.  Therefore, lend not your support in any way to those who reject.

The Narrations  28:84-86
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My Lord knows best who it is that brings true guidance, and who is in manifest error.

Letter to Julia 20141113

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ach!  I'm sorry my writings have been sparse as of late, but I'm afraid I'm flat broke right now.  Kitten overruns.  It can't be helped, because these kittens are celebrities, so I have to treat them as best as I can.  They're so beautiful, Julia, Erin.  Especially when they look up at you all together.  Assorted kittens of different flavors.  Truly I am a sucker for beauty.  So I'm kind of paralyzed until the 21st, when I can start spending again.  I'm going to have to drop a bunch of coins at the Internet cafe.  Even so, not much.  Please forgive me.

I still have a lot of steak left over fromt the last Eid, and beef goes a long way.  Plus I have a sack of onions, some eggs and flour, so for dinner tonight is steak, egg and sauteed onion burritos.  Big fat ones.  I fried up the onions in last night's pizza sauce, so the onions carry most of the flavor, so I don't need mayo or hot sauce or anything like that.  I do have a lot of bamboo shoots, so I'm going to have to eat that.  I have one last block of noodles and after that, I'm going to have to make my own noodles.  There's nothing all that special about home made noodles.  Noodles are noodles.  Fresh noodles have to be used immediately.

Hey I hope you are having a great time, and feeling great.  I look forward to seeing you, and how beautiful you are.  Please take good, loving care of yourselves.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141113

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

71.  Say, "Do you see?  If Allah were to make the night perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you enlightenment?  Will you not then hearken?"

72.  Say, "Do you see?  If Allah were to make the day perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you a night in which you can rest?  Will you not then see?"

73.  It is out of God's Mercy that God had made for you night and day, that you may rest therein, and that you may seek of God's Grace, and in order that you may be grateful.

The Narrations 28:71-73
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Do you see?  If Allah were to make the night perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you enlightenment?  Will you not then hearken?

Do you see?  If Allah were to make the day perpetual over you to the Day of Judgement, what god is there other than Allah, who can give you a night in which you can rest?  Will you not then see?

Letter to Julia 20141110

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ah!  I'm pleased to announce that my home made halal beef sausage was a resounding success.  My sausage and basil pizza was like from heaven.  And the beauty is that there's no pig in it!  I put my beef sausage up against any Chicago pizza.  I once met an heir of a Chicago sausage maker back while I was at the pizza joint.  I won't mention the family name, but if one were to hear it then one would think to oneself, "That's the family name of a sausage maker for sure."

Mystery of the Worms: the stool of my kittens have been soft recently.  I thought that it was stress from the intense weather lately, then I saw white specks in the stool.  I took a closer look, and the white specks were wriggling!  I went to the vet first thing this morning, but how did those worms get there?  They don't go outside the house.  They eat only cat food.  The sand didn't have any worms in it.  Their mother had a worm shot.  Sure they like to put things in their mouths and play with it, but my house has never been so clean: the little brats make me mop everywhere at least twice a day with bleach.  Well, like Sherlock Holmes said, "If you rule out the impossible, what's left is the solution."  It's either the sand or the cat food.

Of course the first type of people you would find on the Internet are the perverts.  I especially hate the perverts that pass themselves off as intellectuals, when sexual perversion is a base instinct.  Like a "De Sadean scholar" carries himself like a gourmet, yet we all know what it is he likes to eat.  Another thing Julia, is that I love your nose.  I told you before that I love your nose, and I don't want you to change it.  Julia, you have a beautiful nose.  It's a magnificent and regal nose.  If anybody tells you that you should change your nose, give me their names and I'll have them firebombed.  Just kidding!  Maybe.

Erin, I saw the list of models for the next VS fashion show, and your name wasn't there.  What!!  Where's my sweetie?  Are you perhaps doing a cameo?  Are you going to be masquerading as a rock star?  Are you going to be disguised as Todd Thomas?

Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141110

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

48.  But when the Truth comes to them from Ourselves, they say, "Why are not sent to him like those which were sent to Moses?"  Didn't they reject which were formerly sent to Moses?  They say, "Two kinds of sorcery, each assisting the other!"  And they say, "For us, we reject it all!"

49.  Say, "Then bring you a Book from Allah which is a better Guide than either of them, that I may follow it, if you are truthful!"

50.  But if they hearken not to you, know that they only follow their own lusts.  And who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, devoid of guidance from Allah?  For Allah guides not people given to wrongdoing.

The Narrations 28:48-50
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Then bring you a Book from Allah which is a better Guide than either of them, that I may follow it, if you are truthful!

Letter to Julia 20141108

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello, my beloved Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling right now?  It's been a rough 2 weeks for me, so right now I'm taking it easy, and catching up with some kitchen work.  I made some sardine dip, dough, and right now I'm simmering some red snapper head broth for my noodles.  I think I'll make some beef sausage next.  No, I don't have any casing.  Where can I get halal sheep intestine here?  Sardine dip is not just for dipping bread with, but makes an awesome base for many things like soups, pizza, and fried noodles.  Oh yeah, I think I'll make some sausage pizza tonight.  Want some?

Again I urge you to interact with me using Internet video.  I am firmly convinced that this is very lucrative for you and your bosses, and I want you to make some money.  Whatever you have to say to me, say it in a commercial.  The beauty is that it can be any product, as long as it's halal.  You can ignore comments and statistics, because they are irrelevant.  Shadowplay TV is the best and most watched TV station in the world, mashaAllah.  Just make sure you are well paid, and that your intentions and communication do not get twisted.  So please don't sign with just anybody, and beware of scripted realities.  Have fun, for God's sake.  Just remember that we are a Muslim family, so please be good girls.

I will search for your videos whenever I go to the Internet cafe, whenever that may be.  I will use the search string "julia stegner erin heatherton".  Don't just limit yourself to Google.  It's a great big world out there, and your money may come from anywhere like Russia, Thailand, Saudi Arabia, etc. and can snowball into television, radio and print.  Tell your agents to think big.  I am your husband inshaAllah, and it is my responsibility to provide for you.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141105

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

So all of a sudden, you both are Queen of the Internet.  How did that happen?  From watching your videos, I have come to the conclusion that you both are very, very naughty.  You are as naughty as a gang of kittens.  I love you all the more, but I have a small request: please don't pee on my floor?

But seriously Julia, watching you gives me heart disease.  I must really, really love you.  And you too, Erin.  Perhaps I'm just too sensitive when it comes to you.  You both must take that leap of faith, and use this medium to interact with me.  Just forget the rest of the world, be oblivious, ignore comments and statistics, and interact with me.  You don't have to say much of anything.  All you have to do is be beautiful, and you are beautiful.  You are very beautiful, you are the most beautiful girls in the world, because you are MY girls.  MINE, MINE.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.  Shadowplay TV is the best and most watched TV station in the world, mashaAllah.  Make sure you charge steep prices for endorsements.  This is a gold mine, after all it's a global market.  No, I don't want to consume your hard earned money.

Here, let me do my part.  I'll do the same Q & A by Free People:

Q:  If you could go on a date with anyone, who would it be?
A:  I don't date.  I make a commitment and marry, and I already know who I want to marry.

Q:  Your most prized possession?
A:  My copy of the Qur'an which I bought in 1999 at a Middle Eastern restaurant/grocery store.  I asked the clerk to wrap it up for me because my hands were dirty, and he gave me a dirty look.  Actually, it belongs to God, so it's not MY possession.

Q:  Do you like cats or dogs?
A:  Hands down cats, but I don't mind dogs, especially the ones that are well loved and well taken care of.  By the way, Casper used to be my drummer's name, but now I do my own drumming.  That's reminds me, I didn't post this video properly a few years ago.

Q:  What's one word that describes you?  Why?
A:  Unknown.  I don't know.

P.S. Please be good girls.  Sorry to make you even more famous.

Letter to Julia 20141104

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Did you like that song, Julia?  Isn't that beautiful music?  At first, I had some other video to post for your birthday.  But right now I'm studying about Badfinger, and I found that song to be so much more appropriate.  The history of Badfinger is very sad, with complex roots that involve the Beatles, and the impact on entertainment business still resonates today, and has gone global.  People aren't aware of it, and they forget the music, but those who remember know that the music is very beautiful.  You and Erin should look up the story of Badfinger.  If you can find it.

And how are you doing, Erin sweetie?  Are you having a great time?  It must be awesome to be as beautiful as you and Julia.  Don't forget that it gets very lonely at the top, and that's one reason why we must marry.  I want to keep you close to me at all times.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Floofy has run out of milk.  Which must be awkward for her, because she is cooped up all night inside the house with kittens that are always hungry and naughty.  At times she plays with them, but when she's not in the mood to play, she hisses and snarls at them.  Especially at Bob Cat and Bat Cat.  The boys can get really obnoxious.  I guess she's saying, "Get the human to give you food."  Well, feeding time is dawn and 4pm.  You are invited anytime.  No, not for cat food.  Tonight the human food is steak and fries.  Crinkle cut!

Letter to Julia 20141102

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Happy birthday, beautiful Julia.  I love you, and I need you. I want to marry you.

It is my goal to build your house, and to take good loving care of you and Erin.

Qur'an 20141102

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

91.  For me, I have been commanded to serve the Lord of this city, God Who has sanctified it, and Whose is all things.  And I am commanded to be of those who bow in Islam.

92.  And to rehearse the Qur'an.  And if any accept guidance, they do it for the good of their own souls.  And if any stray say, "I am only a warner."

93.  And say, "Praise be to Allah Who will soon show you God's Signs, so that you shall know them."  And your Lord is not unmindful of all that you do.

The Ants 27:91-93
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I am only a warner.

Praise be to Allah Who will soon show you God's Signs, so that you shall know them.