Letter to Erin 20160514

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello Erin, my darling.  How are you today, sweetheart?  Are you wowing the world with your beauty as usual?  I feel worn out today.  It was hot and humid again this morning, and it sucked the breath right out of me.  But I had to finish cooking, partly because I had to feed myself.  I made a generic curry, which is great for turning things into curry, or for a curry dip.  I had a tofu and cheese omelet for lunch, but I moved so slowly I nearly ruined it.  Then steak and hash browns for dinner.  By the time Friday prayer came, I was out for the count.  I tried to get some rest before the prayer started, but it's just not the same as real sleep.  So I struggled through voice training.  I'm still worn out right now, so I'm just going to take it easy the rest of the night.  Thank you for your flattery, but I'm only human.  You are a beautiful person, and I love you and I need you.  Please keep safe.

Qur'an 20160514

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

176.  They ask you for a legal decision.  Say, "Allah directs about those who leave no descendants or ascendants as heirs.  If it is a man that dies, leaving a sister but no child, she shall have half the inheritance.  If a woman who left no child, her brother takes her inheritance.  If there are two sisters, they shall have two-thirds of the inheritance.  If there are brothers and sisters, the male having twice the share of the female.  Thus does Allah make clear to you, lest you err.  And Allah has Knowledge of all things."

(The Women 4:176)
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Letter to Erin 20160513

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Erin!  Hey, don't ignore me!  I said "HI ERIN!"  Wow.  Now that you're a big star, have you become snooty?  I might be someone important, you know.  Are you mad at me about something?  You're always mad at me about something.   Is it because I didn't give you a food assignment?  I tell you what: I'll give you two food tasks.  First, I want you to buy a chocolate bar.  I want you to buy a bar of Cadbury Flake, and eat it.  You might already know what it is, but buy it anyway.  Chill it before eating.  Second, I want you to buy fish and chips.  Here's the twist: buy fish and chips that they wrap with newspaper.  You might need help from your British friends to find this.  Take out only, don't eat there.  I assume you're still in England.

Heh.  The kids in the village are calling me "orang gila" (madman).  And they're right.  I am insane.  I'm crazy madly in love with you.  And I HATE young boys, so they better stay away from me.  I think it's time to play guitar tonight.  I bet you have never had kids call you insane.  You just call yourself crazy, and that doesn't count.  But I love you anyway, even though you're normal.  And I need you.

I stuffed and grilled up that scad I bought the other day.  I lined it with basil, then stuffed it with tofu and tomatoes.  It was rather thick, so it took a while to cook.  Scad and marinara sauce match perfectly, so I put some in there, and basted the fish with it.  Marinara sauce is spaghetti sauce, folks.  Tasted great, and very filling.  Too filling for lunch.  I was stuffed through voice training.  Dinner was hot wings.  I tossed the wings in a mix of my home made hot sauce and my Mom's "sambal belacan".  I'm sure you know what chicken wings look like, so I didn't take a photo of that.

Please allow me to say something to Antonia.

Hi Antonia.  Congratulations on your new charity.  I would donate something, but I don't have anything.  If I did, I would already be married.  How about a one Malaysian ringgit?  I have that.  How about that guy calling you Obi-Wan Kenobi?  What a moron.  I wouldn't want to... with Obi-Wan.

Letter to Erin 20160512

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

How are you feeling today, my darling?  I hope you are having a great time, and keeping safe.  Busy, busy, busy.  I didn't have much energy today.  It was cool this morning, so it was easy to sleep in.  I hope you are getting plenty of rest.  Make sure you take good care of yourself, because I love you and I need you.  That was a cute video you posted, of that little girl.  Everybody is a star.  That's an old song and an old cliche, but it's so much truer now more than before, because of social media.  That's why the stars don't shine anymore, because they're just like everybody else.

My cooler is stuffed right now, so I have to use up as much old food and perishables as possible.  Fresh tofu has a short life, so I made stuffed won tons with cockles and tofu.  Then I had to finish off the dough, tomatoes and Enoki mushrooms, so made a pizza for dinner.  It was great, but still, the cheese.  I need the right cheese!  This cheese tastes good, but it could be so much better.  Oh well.  Alhamdulillah.

Please allow me to say something to Antonia.

Are you feeling better, Antonia?  I'm certain that if you are having anxiety attacks, they are most likely worsened by your diet.  You need to eat poultry and drink milk regularly.  I want to you to have your agent make arrangements for you to tour a cheese maker, preferably a German or Swiss cheese maker.  Just tell them you're interested in cheese.  It shouldn't cost much or anything, on the contrary it could be very lucrative for you and your bosses.  Now when you visit these everyday people, please look beautiful.  No, don't wear an evening gown.  A nice skirt suit maybe, and a little makeup.

Letter to Erin 20160511

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Yes honey, I know you have to work with them.  I didn't tell you to oppress them.  What I'm saying is for you not to bring enemies of God into your closest confidence.  This may not be easy for you, because you're so easy to love, and you've made many sweet memories with many people.  But as we grow older, we need miracles in our life to help keep us sane and optimistic, and we can't expect God to grant us miracles if we befriend God's enemies.  I don't want to be cynical, Baby.  You will read people better with experience and the correct perspective.  I want you to be happy and happy with me, because I love you and I need you.

I had to go shopping for food today, very early, right after the dawn prayer.  I only had RM30 to spend, but I managed to buy cockles, a big fish, tofu, fish balls, won ton skins, garlic, and some tenderloin.  Not bad, huh?  Fish was the best value today.  I got a hardtail scad, and I processed it to throw out the guts, keep a couple of fillets and the liver, process the body for grilling, and put aside the head for soup.  But lunch was mini calzones, and dinner was grouper with tofu and tomatoes in marinara sauce.  My cooler is small, so whenever I buy more food, I push the older food out to be eaten ASAP.  Hungry?

Please make a donation of a minimum of one US dollar (or one pound) to a worthwhile charity.

Please allow me to say something to Antonia.

Dear Antonia: have you not been feeling well?  You poor thing.  Let's see... is it anxiety attacks followed by fever, heart and stomach problems?  If it is, then what you are experiencing is a reality shift.  The best way to approach it is to treat is as being high without drugs.  A natural high.  My prescription is to relax more, waste more time, eat lots of chicken and turkey and drink lots of milk, then go running to burn off the calories.  A shoulder massage should help too.  No cocktails!  Everything will be OK, inshaAllah.  Ya Allah, please help and heal Antonia.

Please make a donation of a minimum of one Euro to a worthwhile charity.

Letter to Erin 20160510

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

In a month it will be Ramadan, which I'm sure you know is the fasting month for Muslims.  This is where Muslims abstain from food, drink, and sexual activity from dawn to sunset.  Don't swear, smoke or pick your nose either.  I like Ramadan.  Most people dread Ramadan because they don't get stuff their faces, but I like Ramadan.  I usually spend the night cooking, then there's more to do and eat after sunset.  There is additional prayer activity at night every night, which I attend.  You can try fasting if you want, but don't bother if it's insincere.  There are no fence-sitters in matters of faith.  If faith is half-assed, then it is no faith.  Just to let you know that after we marry inshaAllah, we will engage in religious activity together just as we would go everywhere together.  I will teach you how to be a Muslim, that way I will take the burden/blame for your religious obligations.  Who knows, perhaps you will surpass me.

Lunch was hot sour soup with tomatoes, okra, Enoki mushrooms, chicken and egg.  I was going to put noodles, but the bugs gor into the noodles and I had chuck the whole lot out.  Dinner was a huge hash brown pancake with a single burger patty,  Whoops!  Forgot to photograph it!

I didn't know it was Mother's Day the other day.  Good thing you are so socially conscious about these things.  So I'm posting some photos of my Mama here today.  My Mom turns 78 next month.  I love you, Mom!  Trying to photograph my Mom was like trying to photograph a cat.  I dug up my mother a huge tapioca, but she made me give it to the neighbor.  I'm sure it's all business and travel for you right now.  Please stay safe, and have a good time OK?  I love you and I need you.

Please allow me to say something to Antonia.

Dear Antonia: India, huh?  I'm sure you would have a great time if you visited there, but I don't recommend that you accept work from there.  Don't be easily lured by "Bollywood."  Don't forget to try to visit some cheese makers for me when you're in Europe OK?

Letter to Erin 20160509

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

At least now I know to build you a lab instead of a gym.  Just promise me that we stay physically fit, OK?  I don't want you to be one of those bloated or emaciated scientists.  So what's it going to be?  Electrical?  Computers?  Mechanical?  Just promise me it isn't going to be chemical or biological.  I can't handle toxic waste.  Unless it's botany, because the world needs more plants.  And you can help me in the studio when I do takes.  You might just be the only other person besides me to witness my production routine. 

I don't blame you for not wanting to be Top Cat.  Me, I don't have a competitive bone in my body.  So don't you worry, just be my girl and I will look after you inshaAllah.  In the spiritual hierarchy there is no contest, but since people want to be God it turns into a competition.  The simplest spiritual awareness is this: either you believe in God, or you don't.  In this matter, you can't vacillate: you are either with God, or an enemy of God.  Enemies of God are atheists, those who worship other than God, and those who worship many gods.  Don't think that every spiritual understanding is God in some way, for that is actually joining partners with God.  So do not prefer the friendship of unbelievers over believers, for this is hypocrisy for which there is a severe penalty.

Grass sure grows quickly around here, and now it's raining.  I managed to cut the grass over at your house inshallah.  Those creepers coming over from the west side are a serious nuisance!  They're creeping over deadwood and vines, and they're choking up my weed whacker.  I'm going to have to chop and scrape them up, it's going to take time and work to do that, and they're just going to grow again.  Poison is the answer, but I can't afford that yet.  While I was cutting the grass, I happened to graze Mr. Frog with the rotating blade, and I hurt his back legs.  Oh no, I'm sorry Mr. Frog!  I didn't see you in the thick grass!  I put him aside, and eventually he recovered and managed to hop away slowly.

Anyway, I have to practice bass now.  Everyday I think of you, and I think of what to write to you.  You're my girl!  I love you and I need you.