Letter to Erin 20141231

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, my most beautiful Erin.  How is the most beautiful girl in the world?  Yes, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, because you are MY girl.  Mine, mine, MINE.  Happy New Year!!  Feliz Navidad!  Please pray with me that I get to build your house this year.  You must be on top of the world with your work, so please give thanks to Allah, and take good loving care of yourself.  Please eat properly, get lots of rest, and make lots of money for yourself.  You are such a sweetheart Erin, so please protect your emotions.  I want you to be sure that you are loved, and I will not abandon you inshaAllah.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141229

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

So how good is your spy network, Erin my beloved?  Yeah, I have no privacy, I haven't had any privacy in 25 years, it's one of the liabilities of music, the stinky part of the Pubic Eye.  But since I don't have any privacy anyway, you might as well bear witness that I am faithful, and faithful to you inshaAllah.  I don't slut around.  All I do is stay at home, I go out to shop when I need to, and to the Internet cafe to post this love letter and browse for videos.  Sometimes I eat out, budget permitting, but Allah has provided me with some knowledge of cooking.  I sing everyday for 2 hours after the noon prayer for my voice training, then I usually go out to blog after the Asr prayer.  I usually blog every other day, sometimes everyday, sometimes 3 days apart, and every couple of months or so I take a week of isolation away from the Internet, but it could be that I go blog anyway.  I'm always back by sunset inshaAllah.  Sometimes the weather prevents me from leaving the house, so I would be late with my letter.  There's always something for me to do here at home, but I'm a lazy man, so I like to lie back and watch TV or play video games or snuggle with my sweetie, but you're not here so I can't do that.  I wish you were with me so we can go everywhere together.  I want us to never be seen without each other. 

Please don't brood over remarks, negative or whatever, made by other people to you.  They don't belong in our world, so how could they ever know how it feels, or what's really going on?  Besides, have you ever met a skeptic that had talent or even potential?  Neither have I.  You are MY girl.  No matter what people say, know that I'm the one who loves and cares about you.  So please put your faith and trust in Allah, and in our love.  Place your faith and trust in Allah, and Allah will grant you a great reward.  As for me, I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141227

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Erin, please make a donation of a minimum of US$1 to a worthwhile charity.

Hi Erin my Sweetheart.  As you know, my mission is to stand my ground here and build a tourist attraction in the name of Allah, own the land that my little house and my grandfather's old house stand on, and build a house for you and studio for myself.  InshaAllah.

I have a problem though: I can't draw.  Well, I can't draw well.  I don't even have a vision of what kind of house would please you.  I suppose it would be a 2 level house with a master bedroom and 3 or 4 smaller bedrooms, with all the modern amenities.  What kind of house would you like?  Perhaps you would like to take up a new hobby: architecture.  Install one of those home design programs on your laptop, and build your house gradually as you travel, or relax.  The dimensions are 17 by 19.5 meters just for the house, and doesn't include the yard.  Again, that's meters.  Asia is metric.  Parking would be on the north side of the house, and the house is on the west side of the street.  And pray that Allah grants me the wealth I need to do this properly.

If you don't have anything by the time Allah grants me what I need inshaAllah, then I guess I'll have to turn to a professional architect.  We'll have to go to a pro anyway, but if you have your own vision, then I can build you the house of your dreams inshaAllah.  Please try to be modest, and not gaudy   A house where we can take root and raise a family.  There's an elementary school just a few houses away.  I'll probably be the runt of the family, but I still have a little bit of strength left.  I really like the Essex house that was on "This Old House".  Not so much the shape, but the modern amenities and the Universal design.  What do you think?  We won't have such a huge yard, but big enough inshaAllah.

Erin, you are my girl, and I want to marry you.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world.  It has become too easy to fall in love with you, so please hide your beauty and don't be complaisant in speech.  Try to stay at home if you're not working, and study the Qur'an.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20141225

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beloved sweetheart Erin.  Are you feeling good today?  You are such a sweet, nostalgic girl.  Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.  Muslims celebrate Ramadan and the 2 Eids.  This is a Muslim community, so the Internet cafe is open and I am able to blog this love letter today.  I love you, and I need you.

I did grill a fish this morning.  I'm not celebrating Christmas, I'm just grilling a fish.  My Dad gave me a huge hardtail scad, and I spent the whole morning yesterday processing it.  Hardtail scad has no scales, but a thick skin which makes it perfect for stiffing and grilling.  It is the big fish that have the flavor, a strong and thick flavor, and a strong smell so when you gut it, the fishy smell lingers.  Yeah, it's fresh: it's just a fish with strong flavor.  I filleted it and kept the flesh for sashimi, took off the head and tail, and saved the skin and bones for grilling.  It was a big fish, so there was still a lot of flesh left.  The key to stuffing is that the stuffing has to be ready to eat before you stuff whatever.  For this fish, I blended onions then strained them and sauteed them in vinegar and anchovy bouillon.  Then I grilled it and basted it with butter.  Fancy some?  I'm not celebrating Christmas.  I'm just grilling a fish.

Letter to Erin 20141223

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, Dreamer Girl.  Any ordinary person would think that after all those sweet words I used in the last letter, you would be in a cuddly mood.  Instead, it put you in a fighting mood.  I hope you're not the type of girl who believes that two people who quarrel with each other all the time are actually really close.  The Japanese think that too.  That philosophy didn't work for Lupe Velez, though.  I believe patience works better.  I don't know what happiness is, but I'm absolutely certain that quarreling doesn't make me feel good.  Besides, I don't want to say anything to you that would hurt your feelings.  I want you to feel without any doubt at all that I love you, I would do all I can to protect you, and I will never abandon you inshaAllah.  I love you, and I need you.  But Allah is the Best to Protect.  You do me no favors by embracing slam.  Rather, Allah has conferred a favor upon you by guiding you to the faith.

To see a snake in a dream is a sign of deception, treachery, and danger thereof.  You must make an effort to kill any snake you see in a dream.  If I am there with you, I will kill the snake inshaAllah.  If the snake is the size of a python or anaconda, there is also a serious illness present.  If the snake is bigger than a python or anaconda, say maybe the size of a skyscraper, then the evil of human nature is meant.  Like conflict against countries, or international organizations criminal or otherwise.  No human can kill a giant snake, but that doesn't mean that you should just let it do whatever it wants.  You must find a way to defeat it.  Only God can kill that snake.  It is a dream though, so perhaps God might supply you with a giant sword or gun to fight the snake.  The cleaner your body is, the more reliable the information is that you get from your dreams.  So please stay clean, my beloved.

Qur'an 20141223

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

14.  And if an entry had been effected to them from the sides, and they had been incited to sedition, they would have certainly brought it to pass, with none but a brief delay!

15.  And yet they had already covenanted with Allah not to turn their backs, and a covenant with Allah must be answered for.

16.  Say, "Running away will not profit you if you are running away from death or slaughter, and even if, no more than a respite will you be allowed to enjoy!"

17.  Say, "Who is it that can screen you from Allah if it be God's wish to give you punishment, or to give you mercy?"  Nor will they find for themselves, besides Allah, any protector or helper.

18.  Verily Allah knows those among you who keep back, and those who say to their brethren, "Come along to us," but come not to the fight except for just a little while.

19.  Covetous over you.  Then when fear comes, you will see them looking at you, their eyes rolling like one over whom hovers death.  But when the fear is past, they will smite you with sharp tongues, covetous of goods.  Such men have no faith, and so Allah has made their deeds of no effect, and that is easy for Allah.

The Confederates 33:14-19
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Running away will not profit you if you are running away from death or slaughter, and even if, no more than a respite will you be allowed to enjoy!

Who is it that can screen you from Allah if it be God's wish to give you punishment, or to give you mercy?

Letter to Erin 20141220

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hey there, beautiful heart.  How are you today, you wonderful, gorgeous girl?  How I long to be with you, my dearest Erin, and give you all my love.  Please don't you ever feel sad, because I want you to feel loved and loved and loved.  For I am the one who loves you, from here to the afterlife.  You are my heart, my wife.  I love you, and I need you.

I pray you are taking good, loving care of yourself.  I would love to be with you and help put your hair up in a knot, and make you a nice cashew shoot salad, but since I can't right now then I want you to eat properly, stay fit, and get lots of rest.  I hope you realize that you don't have to chase after the crowd anymore.  I am your public relations machine now, and you are my girl.  All you have to do is be beautiful.  And you are beautiful.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world.  I love you, Erin.  Sweet, beautiful Erin.

Letter to Erin 20141218

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

The song goes, "The waiting is the hardest part."  I've been waiting my whole life- I've never been married, even though I've always wanted to be married.  And I will never be successful in music business in the conventional way.  You know what I mean: aerobics in sync with dancers behind me while singing, and getting tattoos etc.  I have to make my own way, and that way is inspired by God.  While of course I can't let what people say corrupt my vision, the worst thing you can do is let the crowd tell you what to do.  Please remember that the crowd is not your friend.  A school of fish is a bait ball.

You must be patient and wait.  Ignore the crowd, and wait.  Yes, I know you have a tender heart which I so adore, but this time you must protect your emotions from the crowd.  My world is your world now, because you are MY girl.  So be in my world, and be oblivious to what people say.  You're taller than most of them anyway, so look over their heads, and think about your house.  How would you like your house to be?  Please have faith in God, maintain your prayers, and know that I love you, and I need you.

The smell of home made pizza is driving my kittens berserk.  You want some pizza?

Qur'an 20141218

28.  They say, "When will this decision be, if you are telling the truth?"

29.  Say, "On the Day of Decision, no profit will it be to unbelievers if they believe, nor will they be granted a respite."

30.  So turn away from them, and wait: they too are waiting.

The Prostration 32:28-30
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On the Day of Decision, no profit will it be to unbelievers if they believe, nor will they be granted a respite.

Letter to Erin 20141216

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Suddenly Erin rules over all models.  USA!  USA!  USA!

Next, a house for Erin.

At this time, I'm living in a little house right next door to my parents' house.  On the other side of my little house stands my grandfather's old house.  Nobody lives in there anymore except for beasts and jinns (I'm serious), it's made of wood and brick with zinc roofing, and it's totally run down and termite infested.  But it stands on a sizable piece of property.  It is my plan to own that land and the land that my little house stands on, and build a nice, large, and modern house for my wife.  InshaAllah.

That's you, Erin.  InshaAllah.  I love you and I need you.

And the little house I currently live in will be converted into my office/studio.  InshaAllah.  You won't ever have to live in this little house if you don't want to.  You will move into your house when it's ready.  InshaAllah.  I want you to be patient and wait, make lots of money for yourself, and maintain your chastity and your daily prayers.

Qur'an 20141216

10.  And they say, "What!  When we lie hidden and lost in the earth, shall we indeed be in a creation renewed?"  No, they deny the meeting with their Lord.

11.  Say, "The angel of death put in charge of you will take your souls, then shall you be brought back to your Lord."

The Prostration 32:10-11
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The angel of death put in charge of you will take your souls, then shall you be brought back to your Lord.

Letter to Julia 20141215

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Floofy has been very jealous of her own kittens lately.  Last night she came into the house, and began snarling at them, and at me because I was in the same room.  So I retreated to my bedroom, and she quickly slipped in with me.  Suddenly she was a different cat, wanting to be held and loved.  And she was crying: a tear was trickling down her right eye.  So I held her tightly for half an hour.  Poor Floofy.

Julia, I didn't know you were already married.  I found out yesterday.  My network is usually very efficient, that I would have been aware of this development as soon as it happened, but not this time.  I told you a while ago, I'm really not that smart.  Of course I was heartbroken.  And of course I cannot be married to a woman who is already married.  I would like to apologize for my being poor, for if I had had the money, I would have financed our marriage 5 years ago.  And I still don't have the money today.  So goodbye Julia, and best wishes.

Actually I feel kind of silly.  I should have caught on about a year ago, but Allah compensated for me for which I am grateful, that I still have my commitment to Erin.  I do love you, Erin.  Not just because I have a terrible weakness for pretty blondes, but also you seem to me to have a pure heart.  I need you.  And I will marry you inshaAllah.  Please be fully aware that I have a mission to please Allah with music, by my standing ground here and creating a tourist attraction, and you will be my wife.  With all due respect to you and your family, I cannot have you marry into my poverty, so when Allah grants me wealth enough to marry, that will be when we marry.  This is a spiritual situation, and marriage is a very serious business.  You must have faith and patience that that will happen inshaAllah, and be chaste and Islam.  Meanwhile, I pray that my commitment of marriage to you will enhance your business, and make you lots of money.  And I will build a house for you inshaAllah.  This is the situation given to me by inspiration from Allah for which I am grateful, where otherwise I would be just another dead rock star still generating revenue for the people who killed him.  Now it is time to close this folder of letters, and open a new one titled "Letter to Erin".  Erin, thank you for your love.

I took this photo about 5 years ago.  It's titled "The Kingfisher and the Stork".

Qur'an 20100317

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

3.  The unbelievers say, "Never to us will come the Hour."  Say, "No!  But most surely by my Lord, it will come upon you, by God who knows the unseen, from Whom is not hidden the least little atom in the heavens or on earth, nor is there anything less than that, or greater, but is in a Record Perspicuous."

4.  That God may reward those who believe and work deeds of righteousness: for such is Forgiveness, and a Sustenance most Generous.

5.  But those who strive against Our Signs, to frustrate them- for such will be a Penalty- a Punishment most humiliating.

6.  And those to whom Knowledge has come see that this sent down to you from your Lord- that is the Truth, and that it guides to the Path of the Exalted, Worthy of all praise.

Sheba 34:3-6
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No!  But most surely by my Lord, it will come upon you, by God who knows the unseen, from Whom is not hidden the least little atom in the heavens or on earth: nor is there anything less than that, or greater, but is in a Record Perspicuous.

Letter to Julia 20141213

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my most beautiful Julia and Erin.  You are the most beautiful girls in the world.  You are my wives, inshaAllah.  How are you feeling right now?  I pray you are feeling great, and having a great time.  Please maintain your prayers and be good girls.  I want you to know that I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

For dinner I had 2 pizzas.  Well you weren't here, so I ate both.  Well, I was hungry.  Don't worry, they were only 8" pizzas.  I made home made halal beef sausage and basil pizzas again.  Oh my God, that home made halal beef sausage is SO good.  Ya Allah, thank You for bounty and the knowledge You have given me.  After the last time I made my home made halal beef sausage, I couldn't find ground beef anywhere.  Not even beef burgers.  So I had to make my own minced beef.  I bought about a kilo of imported beef, from was from India I think, which is cheaper than local beef, and minced that up in my spice grinder.  I asked the butcher to give me the fatty parts, but there was a bit of gristle in there.  But otherwise my mincing the beef in the spice grinder worked, and I was able to make the sausage.  Totally awesome for pizza.  You must try some.  Now if only I can find halal sausage casing so I can make links.  Incidentally, after I minced my own beef, ground beef was suddenly everywhere again.  Coincidence?  Nah.  Annoying.

Qur'an 20141213

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

23.  But if any reject faith, let not his rejection grieve you.  To Us is their return, and We shall tell them the truth of their deeds, for Allah knows well all that is in hearts.

24.  We grant them their pleasure for a little while.  In the end shall We drive them to a chastisement unrelenting.

25.  If you ask them Who it is that created the heavens and the earth, they will certainly say, "Allah."  Say, "Praise be to Allah."  But most of them understand not.

Luqman  31:23-25
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Praise be to Allah.

Letter to Julia 20141210

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello again, my dearest beautiful Julia.  I feel that you are busy, with more business than ever.  Do your best my gorgeous sweetheart, and make lots of money for yourself.  I want you to be super successful, and I want you to know that you are loved, and I am here and faithful, I love you and I will marry you inshaAllah.  I need you.  Thank you for your love.

And you, sweet and kind hearted Erin, you are truly as beautiful as your beautiful heart.  Please don't be sad, I want you to know that your goodness is appreciated, what a beautiful and wonderful girl you are.  I want you to know that I love you, and I will marry you inshaAllah.  You are loved, you are loved.  I love you and I need you.  Thank you for your love.

It's December already, huh?  It could be you are already feeling lonely, it's cold, but you're a grown up now living your own life, and the month can be long and hectic.  Please don't be lonely, for loneliness doesn't know its day, so it will disturb you the same way some other day if you let it.  Please don't be lonely, because I love you, I wish I were there with you to keep you company, and help protect you, and brush your hair.  You must understand the contradiction of being a professional girl in the public eye and wanting to be in the company of loved ones all the time.  But even normal people have a tough time with quality time, because life isn't supposed to be easy.  So it's the same all over, for even we are normal, as we seek to be happy together and make a happy family.  I love you, and I want to give you the best and happiest life and afterlife.  So please be patient, and pray, for every day is a holiday, so don't let nostalgia kill you, for we are family.  You are living your own life now, in a reality blessed by God inshaAllah.  Mrs. Global.

Ya Allah, thank you for Julia and Erin.  They are the most beautiful women in the world to me, and I love them dearly.  Please protect them, and strengthen their hearts and their faith.

Letter to Julia 20141208

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello, my beautiful Julia.  How are you feeling today, my beloved?  I pray that things are fun and easy for you.  I want you to know that I love you dearly, and I need you.  And you too, my beautiful Erin.  I love you, and I need you.  You are my wives inshaAllah.

Tonight is movie night on Shadowplay TV!  No, it's not a sports movie, it's an action movie.  Packed with constant, heart-stopping action.  It's been a long while since I found a good current movie.  Maybe it's bad advertising or lack of production talent, but I found this one while browsing for video games.  It was made by a kid just out of high school.  well, he didn't program the game.  It's Tomb Raider 2013, starring Lara Croft, the deadly girl with ridiculously powerful hands.  You can tell it's a video game because:

1.  She never runs out of ammo.
2.  She finds weapons conveniently lying around.
3.  She doesn't lose any of her weapons even when she's captured and tied up.
4.  That skimpy top of hers never falls to pieces despite all that sliding and grinding around.

But it's an surprisingly awesome movie.  Pagan gods are the creation of humans like the pagan god in this game was programmed by humans.  The only real God is Allah, High above all.  Allah is God, and God is the Reality.

Letter to Julia 20141206

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

After my voice training today, I fed the fish and the cats as I usually do.  Floofy, Chee Cheah, and Simper spend most of their time outdoors, so after taking care of the kitten tornado, I went outside to feed the adults.  I could hear a storm coming, so I went to check it out.  Over my house was a black cloud but of dragonflies, millions of them, hovering over my house.  Then immediately the storm started pelting down.  No One puts on a show like Allah.  Glory to Allah.

I gave my kittens their first official snack today.  My Dad gave me half a fried red snapper head.  I picked out the meat and gave the rest to the kittens.  They didn't know what it was at first, but ---- was the first to dig in.  The others followed suit, growling and punching at each other.  ---- was the only one who didn't take the snarlfest seriously, and lay back in the distance just watching.  I had to pick her up and put her in front of the fish head to get her started.  So my kittens are old enough to dismantle a fish head.  Soon the boys will become sexually mature, and they will have to spend most of their time outside.  It's a shame to put Batty outside because he's so fluffy.  But I don't want him to pee on my laundry.

Erin sweetie, I saw your HSN video.  The audio was awfully tinny, I had a hard time understanding it.  But I got the gist of it.  Your Dad sounded absolutely thrilled on the phone.  I guess he's happy you don't have to be naked to earn a living, and I'm glad too.  I want to remind you and Julia to use Internet video as often as possible to interact with me.  And don't confine yourself to one product, OK?  Make some connections in the halal food business.

You are my wives, inshaAllah.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Letter to Julia 20141204

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

YOOOOOOLIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Hello there my beloved Julia and Erin.  How are you feeling today, my beloved wives?  I pray that you are feeling great, and having an awesome time.  Time, time.  My time seems to be my own nowadays alhamdulillah, but my mind is corrupted by not having much money, so I bide time and supplies until I receive the next supply of money.  Gah, I hate the material world.  But my dreams were great last night despite the usual downside of having too much fame.  Am I to tell you here about my dreams?  Nah.  I'll tell you when I can whisper into and kiss your ear, and you can tell the crowd what I said after I'm dead.   But I would rather they didn't know as they didn't care before.  Let them fear and worship Allah.

Hey, this Kalles Fraktaler burning ship video doesn't seem right.  I don't know the exact math, but it doesn't seem logical that the -y is rounded instead of tapered.  At lease in comparison with other burning ship videos.  Oh, well.  I've started interest in video gameplay.  In spite having my time to myself, I can't indulge in too much video gaming, not as much as I used to.  I don't have the patience anymore, and I can't ruin my hands, so I just enjoy watching other people kick ass.  Say, Bayonetta looks kind of like me.  Well, actually no.  I'm not pretty, and I'm built like a chimpanzee.  Wah!  I wanna be pretty too!  Anyway, the story is a "good vs evil" where good is pagan as human, and evil is pagan as divine.  Human is expressed as superior in this story because humans "make their own future".  Yeah, humans can make their own future- if it be the Will of Allah.  If you're going to play spiritual games, then make sure you know Who is the Boss.

Erin, I saw your children's hospital video.  I must say that you are so very beautiful, and you have a beautiful heart to match.  Julia and Erin, you are my wives inshaAllah.  Please maintain your prayers.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.

Qur'an 20141204

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

41.  Mischief has appeared on land and sea because of that the hands of humans have earned.  That may give them a taste of some of their deeds, in order that they may turn back.

42.  Say, "Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those before, most of them worshipped others besides God."

The Romans 30:41-42
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Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those before, most of them worshipped others besides God.

Letter to Julia 20141202

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful Julia and Erin!  Are you excited?  I am.  I wonder why?  Maybe I did too many push ups.  Otherwise, I'm just hanging out at home, doing some TV programming.  I've been doing a lot of physical labor and running around, so I'm trying to take it easy right now.  I wish I could do everything by telekinesis, but I had to roll my egg rolls by hand.  They were stuffed with tofu, fish balls, bean sprouts, garlic, kaffir lime shoots, and egg, all chopped up for convenience of rolling.  I had planned to fry them up for a crispy treat, then I tried one plain, and it was so awesome alhamdulillah that I ate them all plain.  Very healthy and refreshing.  Oh no!  I didn't leave any for you!  Well you didn't show up for dinner, so I ate them all.  I had a lot of stuffing left over, so I had the egg rolls fried for lunch the next day.  Fried egg rolls tasted better with mustard and soy sauce, but I still can't abide with all that grease.  There's something about egg rolls that absorb a lot of grease.  Maybe my oil wasn't hot enough.

Have you noticed I haven't made any VS jokes?   I do have one.  It's a secret.  Erin, I can't wait to see you in the VS fashion show.  You are so beautiful.  So are you, Julia.  I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.