Letter to Julia 20110711

Hi there, my Julia. How's business? I pray that you are taking good care of yourself, for I'm sure you are working very hard. And yes, you are my girl, and I want to marry you, so don't let them push you around. You are my beautiful love, and I could not find a more beautiful girl than you, you are all I could ever want in a girl, so I don't bother looking for another. I remain here waiting for the time when Allah will allow me to take the trip to go get you, and we can begin our life together.

I certainly am getting used to my daily routine, impoverished as it may be right now, but I don't feel much suffering, alhamdulillah. That's because I've been through much worse in the past. Not to say that I love adversity, or that I want to get used to it: I'd rather not. It would be nice to be wealthy for a change, and not have to watch out for bad guys all the time. But we can't be complaisant in this life, for only the next life is perfect. Besides, I can only marry you if I am wealthy, because I don't want you to ever go through the crap I've been through. I want us to adjust our work schedules to be synchronous with each other, and be safe, and happy together. I am really tired of traveling, but I haven't even done my Hajj yet, so I guess that means I have many thousand miles ahead of me left. Ya Allah, please let it be first class.

And poor little Chee Cheah, she's not a young kitten: my Mom tells me that she's already 8 years old. She doesn't like strangers, and I'm the only human who's ever spoiled her. And she's such an adorable kitty, she deserves to be spoiled. Anyway, this means that she absolutely cannot travel, for the stress will kill her. I couldn't bring Phantom back to Malaysia for the same reason. Our life in the USA wasn't easy, but I did the best I could to pamper her. She gave me 11 years of her life, and I miss her dearly. We parted under adverse conditions. Having to leave Phantom, and the death of Andre, are the biggest resentments about the USA that I will never be rid of.

Yeah, I love cats. This little house is perfect for me and my kitty. And even if I do become wealthy, I wouldn't want to get a bigger house. I would just perfect this house and yard, and build extensions if I'm forced to. Keeping this house and yard tidy is a lot of work as it is, and I'm still far from perfect in that regard. If Julia ever comes to live here, then I would definitely need a maid and a gardener, then we would need to keep an eye on them. But we would have to travel together, huh? Are you weary of travel yet, Julia? I would guess not. Would you like a little house in the Ardennes, or the Swiss alps? I hate the city, Julia. I don't feel like moving from here at all, especially if I can afford 24/7 air-conditioning. But all good things must come to an end, especially if I want something better.

Letter to Julia 20110709

Still feeling saucy? Hee hee I must admit that I'm a bit of a workaholic, I'm trying to envision our life together, where we're never to be seen without each other. Thus, a state of constant arousal would be my job, per se. I've been in sort of a constant trance lately. It's all that singing I've been doing: I hypnotize myself, and I feel like a zombie. There certainly is a lot going on right now, more than I'm allowed to say. I'm just riding the wave, and biding my time in the garden, and praying that Allah will give me my Julia soon. Oh, how I love my Julia. I bid you patience too, and pray that Allah will rid us of our obstacles quickly.

One thing that seems constant in the world is the influence of the supernatural. Whether or not one believes in the supernatural is irrelevant to its existence: the whining of noisy skeptics do not drown out the multitude who dabble in the supernatural. I do not condone witchcraft and superstition, though I admit that in the past, I blundered upon this path in my search for Allah. May Allah forgive me. In Malaysia, there are what can only be classified as witchdoctors. More interesting than the practitioners are the ones who patronize them. More than often, the patrons are people of wealth and power: money to burn, huh? Most likely, the witchdoctors are employees of a sort. How about America, then? I'm sure you don't even need to look in order to find such practitioners and patrons of witchcraft/superstition. What I discovered was blatant Satan worship. I shudder to imagine what goes on among the wealthy, in terms of witchcraft.

In the Qur'an, the realm of the supernatural is explained repeatedly and in detail. The bottom line is that the Power of Allah supercedes all else. Invoke Allah with sincere prayer, for there is the protection against all evil, corporeal and supernatural.

Letter to Julia 20110707

Y'know Julia, this inability to fulfill our passion is a difficulty for me, too. Obviously, the problem is the distance between us. We need to be properly married to each other, and be with each other all the time. Then I will do whatever it takes to be fucking you all the time, even if I would have to carry a backpack filled with viagra pumped into me intraveinously. Of course, it would be cumbersome when you're lying on your stomach reading a global economics textbook but hey, life is not perfect. You seem to be waiting for me, so if that is true then you must have faith, and pray that our love will be fulfilled quickly and efficiently. Please forgive me for being so far away from you.

Do you have faith in our love, and in God? Then be patient and wait, and pray that God will settle our matter of love in a happy way. This our global love affair is a sign of the Grace and Power of God, to defy those who will to enslave us, and force you into prostitution. This our love is an investment into the next life, so please be patient now, and pray.

Letter to Julia 20110705

And what HAVE you been doing, Julia? Hmmm. You're not feeling guilty, are you? Well, whatever it is, I forgive you. We're only human, and we have to do the best with what Allah gives us. Does that make me a go-with-the-flow kind of person? Partly. But you're my girl, Julia. Besides, there aren't that many beautiful blonde German girls here in Perlis, so I have nothing better to do than to love you, be faithful to you, because I want to marry you.

Waiting around can be such a drag, especially when you're young, and surrounded by temptation. You've spent most of your life showing off your beauty, and your job demands that you do so. Hiding that beauty is not easy, I realize. Beauty can be such a burden. People become either fanatical, or jealous. But beautiful women can't hide their beauty, even if they tried. I don't have the same kind of beauty as you, but whatever beauty I have, I use it to serve Allah. Sure, it's because I'm older, and I'm not too influenced by temptation. Temptation to me now is a good fish. Sure I'm older, and more faithful. You wouldn't prefer someone who messes around on you, would you?

Yes, temptation to me now is a good fish. Wow, that red snapper I saw just now sure looked good. Do you know how tasty red snapper meat is? It doesn't need salt, but soy sauce and fresh wasabi amplify the heaven. Hmmm. Scaling and gutting it is such a pain in the ass, especially if the fish is small. I still haven't gotten around to making sweet and sour grouper, or experimenting with short fin tuna. Anyway, I only have 4 (Malaysian) dollars in my wallet right now. I would've had more money, but I got conned into buying expensive cooking oil. Looks like it's going to be mackerel, as usual. But I have shrimp in my cooler, so maybe I'll just settle for shrimp. It's been raining continuosly lately, and the rain stopped just yesterday. I don't want to face another massive flood, ya Allah please. What happened to all my free time? The baby cashews need to be transplanted. The lawn needs weeding. I need to peel and pick fruit! Poor little Chee Cheah needs to have her dinner made fresh! There's too much going on right now to enjoy a good fish. Are you so sure I'm far away from you? Sometimes it feels like I'm looking right over your shoulder.

Letter to Julia 20110702

"What is she doing in there?" "Why won't she let us watch?" "Maybe she's doing drugs in there?" etc etc... I suppose those are some supposed presuppositions of people when you hide yourself away to pray. You do have a direct line to God, you know? No human can know what you plead for from God, when you make contact with your heart. Not even me, though I long for that you long for me. The 5 daily prayers are the trademark of a Muslim: it can be done quick n' easy if you're on the run, but they must be done. Don't let anyone con you into treating prayers as optional. They'll take your soul if you let them, but don't you let them.

This is certainly a level over those materialists, who believe that all others perceive is their wealth. And they use their wealth to squash the faithful, they would spend great amounts of their wealth just to oppress one person. I suppose it's for material gain, but how can honor be considered material? All honor is with Allah, anyway. And it's so hard to jump on the bandwagon when one has scoffed at it before. The prophet (peace be on him) forgave the people who opposed him, and those who tried many times to assassinate him and his followers. I'm not the prophet (peace be on him). I'm just a musician.

And you are my mate, my Julia. My reflection, my significant other. Please treat me kindly, nd my work too. Oh, the controversy, the babble! What could you be up to next, Julia? What are you thinking?

Letter to Julia 20110627

Oh dear Julia, I'm getting my dates mixed up lately... to tell you the truth, sometimes I don't even know what day it is. It's all this free time (which I love, alhamdulillah), I seem to be caught in a time warp.

I'm sure you are working hard. I am a natural worker, I stopped school to go to work, I even relax by working. As the result, all my knowledge was derived from the need to adapt to my work, as opposed to being tutored. I suppose Allah tutored me, and the knowledge given by Allah is the best. Why do we work so hard? When I was younger, I was like most others you would find in my field: a reckless clown, but a hard worker. But all that hard work only took me up to a certain point, which I could not pass. There was something I was not aware of, which was not a formal education, because I saw many others with degrees stuck at the same place as I. Sure, show business is tough. Some say that only a few people hold the best positions, and they don't give it away, except maybe to kinfolk. As a result, I was isolated. So I took my relationship with God more and more seriously, until it became my agenda, to please Allah with music. Allah has been my only friend through many hardships. I wish I had attained awareness when I was young, then I wouldn't have made so many errors. But I have to do the best with what Allah gives me.

We cannot take our religion to be mere amusement and play, and put our work for material gains above all else. Forget all those other people Julia, as God forgets them, as they forget God. Please take your religion seriously. It's not just that I cannot marry you unless you become a Muslim, but you must be sincere in your relationship with God, or you will harm us both. Please maintain your prayers, and don't pray where people can see you unless it's a group prayer. Hide.

Letter to Julia 20110627

Oh dear Julia, I'm getting my dates mixed up lately... to tell you the truth, sometimes I don't even know what day it is. It's all this free time (which I love, alhamdulillah), I seem to be caught in a time warp.

I'm sure you are working hard. I am a natural worker, I stopped school to go to work, I even relax by working. As the result, all my knowledge was derived from the need to adapt to my work, as opposed to being tutored. I suppose Allah tutored me, and the knowledge given by Allah is the best. Why do we work so hard? When I was younger, I was like most others you would find in my field: a reckless clown, but a hard worker. But all that hard work only took me up to a certain point, which I could not pass. There was something I was not aware of, which was not a formal education, because I saw many others with degrees stuck at the same place as I. Sure, show business is tough. Some say that only a few people hold the best positions, and they don't give it away, except maybe to kinfolk. As a result, I was isolated. So I took my relationship with God more and more seriously, until it became my agenda, to please Allah with music. Allah has been my only friend through many hardships. I wish I had attained awareness when I was young, then I wouldn't have made so many errors. But I have to do the best with what Allah gives me.

We cannot take our religion to be mere amusement and play, and put our work for material gains above all else. Forget all those other people Julia, as God forgets them, as they forget God. Please take your religion seriously. It's not just that I cannot marry you unless you become a Muslim, but you must be sincere in your relationship with God, or you will harm us both. Please maintain your prayers, and don't pray where people can see you unless it's a group prayer. Hide.