Letter to Julia 20120201

Hi there, my most precious Julia. Aw, you are soooo pretty. It's been a busy day for me here. Everyday I wake up at about 3:30am to do an hour's worth of worship. Then I wait until I perform the dawn prayer before I go back to sleep. Needless to say, I don't like mornings. So I wake up everyday at about 10:00am. I as quickly as possible put on some clothes and ride my motorcycle to the day market to buy some fish. Yes, I have an addiction to grilled fish. I also bought some beef, eggplant, cilantro, and chicken liver. Hey, I found some Roma tomatoes today! I haven't seen any of those in years! They were really ripe though, but they would be perfect for my liver and eggplant sauce tomorrow. When I got back home to put the food away, I had to take my Dad's old motorcycle to change the tube. It was a good thing my Dad got me some flat noodles, so that was the breakfast I ate while I was waiting for the dude to fix the motorcycle. After that, I took a shower and went downtown to have a chat with the boss of the music school. When I returned home from that, I gutted the fish and portioned out the meat for easy storage in the cooler. It's a habit I picked up from the food service: instead of defrosting a big chunk then cutting off a portion, I just take take out a pre-cut portion from the freezer to thaw whenever I wanted to eat. It's faster to defrost, too! By the time I got done with that, it was time for the mid-day prayer, after which I have to do my voice training. All I had for lunch were a couple of cookies and coffee. I have to sing for 1 1/2 hours everyday to maintain my voice. After which, I had to help my Mom rearrange her kitchen because the floor in her dining room is moving. By the time I got done with that, it was time for the Asr (late afternoon) prayer, after which I finally had time to grill my fish. And that's what I had for dinner: just fish, no rice. No time for yard work today! I had to take another shower before I joined the group prayer at sunset. Then I had to write a love letter to my sweetie, which I'm doing right now!

Hi sweetie! I love you! Girl, I am tired. I need to slow down even more. This routine may seem all that mundane, but it can get frenetic and weird, and other people can get livid and violent over my routine. What I strive for is sincerity in my worship to Allah. Come and be my wife, my dearest Julia, and join me in Islam.

Qur'an 20120201

67. To every people have We appointed rites and ceremonies which they must follow: let them not then dispute with you on the matter, but do you invite to your Lord, for you are assuredly on the Right Way.

68. If they do wrangle with you, say: "Allah knows best what it is you are doing."

69. "Allah will judge between you on the Day of Judgement concerning the matters in which you differ."

70. Know you not that Allah knows what is in the heavens and on earth? Indeed it is all in a record, and that is easy for Allah.

71. Yet they worship, besides Allah, things for which no authority has been sent down to them, and of which they have no knowledge: for those that do wrong there is no helper.

72. When Our Clear Signs are rehearsed to them, you will notice a denial on the face of the unbelievers! They nearly attack with violence those who rehearse our signs to them. Say, "Shall I tell you of something worse than these Signs? It is the Fire! Allah has promised it to the unbelievers! And evil is that destination!"

73. O humans! Here is a parable set forth! Listen to it! Those on whom, besides Allah, you call cannot create a fly, if they all met together for the purpose! And if the fly should snatch anything away from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. Feeble are those who petition and those on whom they petition!

74. No just estimate have they made of Allah: for Allah is God that is Strong and Able to carry out God's Will.

The Pilgrimage 21:67-74
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Allah knows best what it is you are doing.

Allah will judge between you on the Day of Judgement concerning the matters in which you differ.

Shall I tell you of something worse than these Signs? It is the Fire! Allah has promised it to the unbelievers! And evil is that destination!

Letter to Julia 20120129

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

These major corporations simply have no regard for Allah. They consider Allah to be irrelevant to their day to day operations. Obviously they have no foresight whatsoever, and choose to participate only when it is most costly for them.

Do they not travel through the land, so that their hearts may thus learn wisdom, and ears may thus learn to hear? Truly it is not their eyes that are blind, but their hearts which are in their breasts. (The Pilgrimage 22:46)

Well, my mission stands, and I will stand my ground. I am to please Allah with music, and I am to stand my ground here in the Malaysian countryside. I may have failed to stand my ground in the USA though I gave it everything I got before I was ousted 3 months before the financial meltdown. But I intend to give it everything I have to stand my ground here, make my music base here, in a form that is creative and cutting-edge but not secular and disregarding to Allah. InsyaAllah, with the power of music, I will help empower the farmers, fishermen and small businesses over the bankers and the executives, the rural over the urban, and the clean environment over the pollution.

Qur'an 20120129

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

49. Say, "O humans! I am to you only to give warning."

50. Those who believe and work righteousness, for them is forgiveness and a sustenance most generous.

51. But those who strive against Our Signs, to frustrate them, they will be companions of the fire.

The Pilgrimage 22:49-51
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O humans! I am to you only to give warning.

Letter to Julia 20120128

YOOOOOOOLIIIIEEEEEE!!!

Now, it's not as if I don't want to spend money on ingredients and dining out, and other things that make life pleasurable and meaningful to us and others. I'm just trying to be humble to Allah and the situation that I'm in, so I must not be wasteful. You also: please put your fear in Allah, be patient during hard times, maintain your regular prayers, spend accordingly, and never forget to say, " In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful" before you take the first bite of your food. Allah is most Generous to those who humble themselves to God.

Fame is not a blessing. It is unfortunate that we have to live our life and love in the public eye. Some say it is our choice, but that is not how I found you, as you were chosen for me. Some say we have been adequately compensated, but we are still unmarried and no richer than others. It is so important to conduct our life to please Allah, as opposed to pleasing humans. We don't belong to the public: we belong to Allah. Allah grants us the right to fight those who wage war on us, so don't you just lie back and be obsequious. Don't give in to them, Julia. I love you.

Letter to Julia 20120126

Oh my beautiful, precious, beloved, luscious, gorgeous, ravishing, delicious darling Julia, I'm so so sorry my last letter wasn't very romantic as it could have been. I can't seem to focus properly when I have the sniffles. It takes my entire concentration not to let all that snot flow down my throat... I shouldn't even be driving when I have the sniffles.

I went out for dinner last night. I hardly ever go out to eat, and I hardly ever go out at night. I have some knowledge and experience cooking, so I cook for myself all the time. It saves a lot of money, I enjoy my own cooking, I don't give myself food poisoning, I can prepare large portions, I can eat what I feel like eating whenever I feel like eating, I can experiment and research, etc etc etc. Certainly I look forward to doing all those things with you, but do know that cooking is time consuming, especially for someone as slow and lazy like me.

Anyway, I went out to eat last night. It occurred to me that I hardly ever go out to eat, especially at night. But it was such a pleasant night! It was so cool, the country air is so sweet and clear, and there were few clouds, so the stars were out. The traffic wasn't obnoxious either, even though there were still a lot of people active in doing whatever. I had fried noodles at a restaurant that was remodeled from a motorcycle repair shop. It was quite enjoyable: it was nice to get out of my cave for a change.

So the next night I ate out again. The night was nice and cool again, but it was more congested, and there were more bugs on the road. But I had to get some gasoline for my Dad's old motorcycle, so I decided to have dinner out. I had what could be described as fry bread stuffed with ground beef, eggs, and onions which was served with curry and pickled onions. I've become a very fussy eater especially with other people's cooking, so I know very few places to eat out. So when we go out together, we'll just have to follow your nose, and gamble that way, OK? Don't worry: there's a Pizza Hut and KFC in town if you're at a loss. I know the kids are very active late at night around these here parts. One would think that there would be nothing to do, but apparently a lot of people are crazy about late night karaoke here. I don't participate, of course. Old people like me shouldn't mingle with the kids unless I'm forced to. I don't mingle with anybody, actually. I'm just waiting for the time when I can be with my sweetie, and we can go everywhere together.

And together... we will buy a fish!

Letter to Julia 20120123

**sniffle** oh dear i can't focus... where am i? Oh yeah! I have the sniffles again, Julia. How long has it been since the last allergy attack? It's been about a month, I think. That's a long time! Usually, it's every 2 weeks. This environment wreaks havoc on my nasal allergies, which in turn has a profound influence on my voice. But I have managed to sing everyday for nearly a year now, thanks to a strict nasal cavity draining routine which I devised for myself, so the sinus fluids don't run down my throat and destroy my voice. What is the routine? Let the snot drip into a bucket until there's none left. Don't flush your nasal cavity with water: just let it dry by itself. There's a brain-eating amoeba on the loose!

I don't know if you will get this letter on time, since it is the Chinese New Year, which happens to be a public holiday, and the internet cafe may be closed. It's all the same old day to me, but there has been a ridiculous amount of traffic out on the roads here in the kampung these past few days. Congestion, both traffic and sinus! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! There was a wedding just down the street: my old high school teacher's kids were getting married. People were using my yard as a parking lot, and I had to let them do so. At least none of my baby fruit trees got killed. No, I don't hang out with any of my old high school friends anymore. I was hated back in high school anyway, the outcast, the evil one. I left a trail of destruction in my wake, and I didn't snap out of it until I turned 42. Music didn't save me. Allah is the One who saved me. Thank you, ya Allah.

Letter to Julia 20120121

I seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the rejected.

I love YOU, and I want to marry YOU, Julia. Certainly I have been holding out for a few years, but do you think that I am so unfaithful that I wouldn't hold out until I keep the promise I made to you? No, it's not your fault, my beloved. You're just a girl.

Let's talk some more about my travel obligations while I'm still alive. I have committed myself to 3 more journeys in my life for my sake: Saudi Arabia for my hajj, Salt Lake City for my keeping the promise I made to the mysterious piano player, and Germany to get you. Any other travels to be made is for my wife's sake. So once we are married, I cannot allow you to travel alone, so I must accompany you. So whenever you travel, you will hold up whatever business I have created here, and depending on the level of influence of the music as Allah wills, the number of lives you put on hold whenever you choose to travel. Don't be cruel! Plan your trips formally and wisely! Anyway, I expect to be detained anywhere for whatever reason when I travel. Occupational hazard: people try to hold me down (listen to "Stone Free" by Jimi Hendrix). Ya Allah, please protect me and Julia.

The problem here is not conflict between nations. I say that businesspeople and artists from any country be free to work in Perlis as long as they show due respect to Allah and the local law. The issue is conflict between urban and rural, and this conflict is also separating this husband and wife, and the global spread of Islam that the marriage between music and fashion can for the glory of Allah. The city feels since it is the focus of population, then it is also the focus of culture. Well, I despise the city. I refuse to live there. So I will build my music base and the global culture thereof here in the Perlis countryside. The city need not fret. It still has its corruption, pollution, congestion and crime to make a culture of. I love the countryside. It's what makes Malaysia special. And may Allah deal severely with those who strive to separate husband and wife, and block the spread of Islam.

Qur'an 20120121

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

108. Say, "What has come to me by inspiration is that your God is One God. Will you therefore bow to God's Will?"

109. But if they turn back, say "I have proclaimed the Message to you all alike and in truth, but I know not whether that which you are promised is near or far."

110. It is God who knows what is open in speech, and what you hide.

111. I know not but that it may be a trial for you, and a grant of livelihood for a time.

112. Say, "O my Lord! Judge You in Truth! Our Lord most Gracious is the One whose assistance should be sought against the blasphemies you utter!"

The Prophets 21:108-112
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What has come to me by inspiration is that your God is One God. Will you therefore bow to God's Will?

I have proclaimed the Message to you all alike and in truth, but I know not whether that which you are promised is near or far.

O my Lord! Judge You in Truth! Our Lord most Gracious is the One whose assistance should be sought against the blasphemies you utter!

Letter to Julia 20120119

I guess the best part about not having many ingredients is that I get to fine tune my cooking to somewhat perfection, or close to perfection rather, because I'm forced to cook the same thing over and over again. Since I've been having some cheap beef lately, I've been working on my pepper steak. I got the idea of pepper steak from Andre. When he was alive, he used to make pepper steak on rice quite often. I suppose pepper steak is a southern recipe: he made a lot of southern food, even though he was from Baltimore. He used sweet red bell peppers and jalapenos in his recipe. I use large red chillis here, which are as hot as jalapenos but with the color and flavor of sweet red bell peppers.

Cut a LOT of large red chillis and onions into strips. Cut the beef in strips, too. Since I've been using cheap beef, marinading the meat is important, say in soy sauce and vinegar. It's not enough to tenderize the beef by marinading: I rub the beef with sugar then fry it in a pat of butter and fat or oil until the sugar caramelizes. Remove the beef, then stir fry the peppers and onions with light soy sauce in the grease that's left over. Don't overcook! Just heat it up, add the beef, then turn off the fire. Oh, I almost forgot! Add a ton of cracked black pepper to the beef when you rub it. Well, not a ton, but a lot. And don't use the machine-ground stuff. Take the pepper seeds and crack them: I use a hammer, personally. It's absolutely yummy, especially when my mouth is burning from all those peppers! I love spicy food. Besides, all I have lately is beef, so I've been eating pepper steak pretty much everyday.

It's kind of like not having a big recording studio to produce music. So, I make do with what home studio stuff that I have, compare it back to back with the major label stuff, and make sure my stuff is louder and better. Sure, it's a learning process, but at least I didn't have to learn by being indebted to a major label, and having my music toyed with by accountants and executives. Which left me free to create something of benefit to the community instead of living off the buying and selling of people and today, I love making music, and the music I make. I get to take my time, which is good because I'm lazy and want to snuggle with my sweetie, and make sure I'm happy with the recording before I release it. Allah has been most Generous and Kind to me.

And how are you, my angel? Please take good care of yourself, for you are so beautiful, and I love you so. I'm sure you must be excited with all the attention you're getting lately, but please maintain your prayers, and ask Allah to bring us together soon, in love and happiness in this life, as well as the Hereafter.

Letter to Julia 20120116

Hi Julia. It's been a groggy Sunday for me. I woke up at 8:30 this morning, about an hour earlier than the time I usually wake up. Oh, I'm becoming so old. I've become so fussy about my sleeping habits. Wake me up an hour early, and I'm my usual easy-going self for most of the day. Anyway, every Sunday I help my Mom clean her house, that's why I woke up an hour early. I'm slow, so I have to start a little early so I have time to cook my lunch, before the noon prayer, before I do my vocal training. Oh dear, these routines make me feel like Rain Man! Uh oh.

It's all the same day, anyway. Perhaps some minor adjustments here and there, maybe I have to clean my Mom's house, maybe I have to go to the music school, on Fridays I have to attend the group prayer. But it's the same day, wherever or whoever you are. Time flies, and suddenly it's Judgement Day. Or we die, which is pretty much the same thing, since we can't score anymore positive points with God because we are too dead to do so. I just sit here and wait, and work towards you with whatever strength I have, and insyaAllah, someday you will appear.

Meanwhile, all but one of the idols were mysteriously smashed overnight. The bosses gathered around the devastation and were dumbfounded. It seems that the culprit was the biggest idol, but alas, it was unable to speak for itself.

Letter to Julia 20120114

Malaysia doesn't have abortion clinics. Unwanted pregnancies are abundant however, and since legalized abortion isn't an option, unwanted children are carried out to full term then discarded, into trash cans, ditches, drains, rivers, scrub, etc. A blessed few are found still alive, but many are found dead, and crawling with insects, or partially eaten by scavengers. Does this shock you? The discarding of newborn babies doesn't necessarily make it a worse act than abortion: it is still the intentional killing of a human child. The awareness of the child is not the issue: it is the awareness of the parents that is the problem. But why blame it on a libido out of control? This is a human condition, prevalent for ages, where human life is meaningless in comparison to selfish desires. Lost are they, with no sense of mercy nor compassion, no awareness of God whatsoever. Hey, but who am I to understand or criticize their economic and social difficulties? I don't share their situation: I've been keeping celibate until I can afford to start a family with Julia. InsyaAllah.

Humans are always in a big hurry. Look at the lunacy that occurs at traffic lights. In the same way, the horny are in a big hurry to fuck, as the skeptics are in a big hurry to get their asses kicked. They really don't care about consequences unless they are directly affected, and they will be. Assuredly. We need to slow down, Julia. I love you.

Qur'an 20120114

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

39. If only the unbelievers knew when they would not be able to ward off the fire from their faces, nor yet from their backs, and no help can reach them!

40. No, it may come to them all of a sudden and confound them. No power will they have to avert it, nor will they get respite.

41. Mocked were messengers before you, but their scoffers were hemmed in by the thing that they mocked.

42. Say, "Who can keep you safe by night and by day from the Most Gracious?" Yet they turn away from the mention of their Lord.

43. Or have they gods that can guard them from Us? They have no power to aid themselves, nor can they be defended from Us.

44. No, We gave the good things of this life to these men and their fathers until the period grew long for them. See they not that We reduce the land from its outlying borders? Is it then they who will win?

45. Say, "I do warn you according to revelation." But the deaf will not hear the call, when they are warned.

46. If but a breath of the Wrath of your Lord does touch them, then they will say, "Woe to us! We did wrong indeed!"


The Prophets 21:39-46
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Who can keep you safe by night and by day from the Most Gracious?

I do warn you according to revelation.

Letter to Julia 20120112

**caution** Clam broth becomes poisonous quickly, even when it's frozen, so please make sure you use up your clam broth immediately, ja? I've never been at the point where I always have the right ingredients, because I've always been kind of poor. Even when I was working regularly, I spent a lot of money on music and music related expenses. Hey, entertainment business is expensive, y'know! You didn't think this is my hobby, did you? I wasn't just vegetating on a couch watching cable TV and eating bon bons, I was doing research and development! Anyway, since I didn't have that much money to spare for doing R&D on food business, I had to go with the flow and make do with what was on sale and whatever leftovers I had. Which caused a few stomachaches, because you can never absolutely trust what other people put in their cooking. Which is why I like my own cooking, because I don't give myself food poisoning even though I try not to waste anything, and I have to use leftovers on many occasions. InsyaAllah, by cooking my own food I can avoid food poisoning. But I would really prefer fresh ingredients all the time.

Perfection is for the next life. For today's dinner however, I made myself beef hash on rice. The fried onions were easy enough, but I didn't have veal stock or tomato paste. So I used leftover mutton soup and chilli sauce (which is basically tomato ketchup with chilli flavoring) which I had bought a half-gallon bottle. It tasted OK. The beef was cheap, and therefore chewy. I could have taken more pains to tenderize it, by marinading it properly and using butter, but I didn't have much butter left, plus there isn't much time between the Magrib and Isya' prayers to cook and eat. I suppose I could have taken my time, but I wanted to do other important things, like eat junk food, watch Shadowplay TV, and write to my sweetie. Hi Sweetie! You're so gorgeous, my lovely Julia.

Well, I never got around to eating much junk food. I wound up vacuuming my bedroom, then preparing my computer for more music work. I'm getting swamped with chores. So, when the money starts rolling in, insyaAllah, I'll have to avoid buying more stuff until I have completed preparing this house for our marriage. I do so dislike big houses, Julia. But I'll take what Allah gives me. If Allah did not wish to save you, then Allah would not have involved you in all this Islam. God would have left you to stray and closed up your heart, left you suffocating and always trying to climb up to the heights.

Qur'an 20120112

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

23. God cannot be questioned for God's acts, but they will be questioned.

24. Or have they taken for worship gods besides God? Say, "Bring your convincing proof. This is a Message of those with me and the Message of those before me." But most of them know not the truth, and so turn away.

The Prophets 21:23-24
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Bring your convincing proof. This is a Message of those with me and the Message of those before me.

Letter to Julia 20120111

Ah, I finally got my grill replaced. My old grill disintegrated from too much exposure to the elements over 3 years. It was a cheap grill, anyway. So I bought another cheap grill. Hey, a new grill is easier than washing the old grill! Now kids, it's better for the environment that you take good care of your grill, so it will last you a lifetime of delicious barbecues. Don't be an idiot like some people who leave their grill out in the rain to disintegrate. Well, if it disintegrates into earth-like metallic crumbles, then doesn't that make it biodegradable? Maybe not. Anyway, I finally can grill up some hardtail or torpedo scad again. I found some extra large ones at the market which is great because the baby fish are kinda tasteless. Sure, it takes some skill and patience to grill a big fish, but if you do it right, it can taste exactly like thick crab meat, except that there's never enough real crab meat. My fish was only a half kilo, too. No rice here, just fish.

Then for dinner it was chicken and potato stew. Hey, there's a gorgeous full moon out tonight! I've been tagging chicken broth lately, which I do not recommend for the inexperienced cook to do. I seem to have a lot of chicken breast lately, so I've been experimenting with chicken broth, and chicken and potato stew. What is tagging chicken broth? Hee hee you're just going to have to kiss me to find out, Julia! Stew is stew, of course. Besides garlic and onion, I also throw in some curry leaves and super hot peppers that I have growing in my yard. It's very yummy and soothing. Want some?

I've been really getting into the Gong Show lately. It's probably the best talent show ever, and Chuck Barris is the best talent show host ever! What genius came up with show, where the losers are more entertaining than the winners? This show sure makes me humble. Google in their infinite wisdom has been keeping the video feed slow on Gong Show episodes, because they're smart enough to realize that it kicks American Idol's ass. So I hope you will be able to enjoy this clip I chose for you.

Qur'an 20120111

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

1. Closer and closer to humans comes their reckoning, yet they heed not, and turn away.

2. Never comes to them of a renewed Message from their Lord, but they listen to it as a joke.

3. Their hearts toying as with trifles. The wrongdoers conceal their private counsels: "Is this more than a man like yourselves? Will you go to witchcraft with your eyes open?"

4. Say, "My Lord knows every word in the heavens and the earth. God is the One that Hears and Knows."

The Prophets 21:1-4
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My Lord knows every word in the heavens and the earth. God is the One that Hears and Knows.

Letter to Julia 20120110

I seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the rejected one.
In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia! I love you, my ravishing princess. So, what is security? We know that security is grated by Allah, the Best to protect, and the Best to help. The Qur'an states:

It is those who believe, and confuse not their beliefs with wrong that are in security, for they are on guidance. (The cattle 6:82)

I haven't started my dinner yet, but on the menu tonight is clams. It's Monday the 9th, between the Magrib and Isya' prayers, usually my dinnertime, but I absolutely had to write a few words to my beloved first. I bought 2 kilos of clams at the night market just now, believe me that I can easily down 2 kilos of clams. I don't know the English name of these particular clams, but the literal translation from Malay is "Snails of a Thousand Brains", where clams and snails have the same name in Malay. Clams and shellfish generally don't need salt, and these clams are quite powerful in flavor. I don't like my shellfish to turn into rubber, so I try not to overcook them. This time, I will be stir-frying them with chilli paste, a pinch of sugar, garlic, cilantro, and lime, to point where a generous broth is generated. The shells of these clams are comparitively fragile, so I have to be cautios when folding in the mix. Knowing when to shut the heat off takes practice. I guess a solid indicator is when the clams yawn wide open. The clams that clam up generally have nothing but mud in them, but I open all of them, cautiously over my trash container, to make sure I'm not wasting any precious broth. Whoa! Don't drink all the broth, Julia! Sip a little, but save most of it for other seafood dishes. Heh! I'm just cooking by the seat of my pants. InsyaAllah, it will still taste awesome. Want some?

Qur'an 20120110

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

133. They say, "Why does he not bring us a Sign from his Lord?" Has not a Clear Sign come to them of all that was in the former Books of Revelation?

134. And if We had inflicted on them a penalty before this, they would have said, "Our Lord! If only You had sent us a messenger, we should certainly have followed Your Signs before we were humbled, and put to shame."

135. Say, "Each one is waiting. Wait you therefore, and soon shall you know who it is that is on the straight and even way, and who it is that has received guidance."

Ta Ha 20:133-135
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Each one is waiting. Wait you therefore, and soon shall you know who it is that is on the straight and even way, and who it is that has received guidance.

Letter to Julia 20120107

Hello there, my beautiful Julia. How are you feeling? It's just me and my kitty here as usual. I've always been somewhat of a loner, but I'm sure you would agree that I try and tried hard to be married, huh? When I got past my misspent youth and learned to appreciate God more, I tried to do whatever service to community in secret. I don't need any titles or medals. All I want is the best that God can give me, in this life as well as the next. InsyaAllah.

Chee Cheah is getting rather plump. She used to be such a dainty little kitty. I feed her regularly before dawn and before the Asr prayer, but she always runs outside to join the other cats when my Dad feeds them at 6pm. She doesn't eat anything, but she just goes there to meow along with the group, then sits on the wall to watch them eat. After that, she runs back into my house again.

Let me remind you that fame is a liability, not an asset. You may feel exhilarated with all the attention being lavished on you right now, but would you feel the same without a marriage to anchor you? Then we observe some marriages that have no stability whatsoever. Our lives are in the care of Allah, so please pray that Allah will have mercy on us, and make our journey to God together easy and pleasurable.

Qur'an 20120107

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

105. They ask you concerning the mountains. Say, "My Lord will uproot them, and scatter them as dust."

106. God will leave them as plains, smooth and level.

107. Nothing crooked and curved will you see in their place.

Ta Ha 20:105-107
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My Lord will uproot them, and scatter them as dust.

Letter to Julia 20120105

Stability is for those who have it. Or more accurately, stability is for those who are granted stability by Allah. This is not a satisfactory answer for those of doubtful faith, but doubt is instability, right? This world is unstable. There's always something wrong somewhere with somebody, so as far as this life is concerned, stability is at best a dynamic equilibrium. But even that seems limited to very few communities. Why are things so uncertain? Because people refuse to give up corruption, interest, and ridiculous profit margins. So bubbles become inevitable, and if bubbles are inevitable, then the shortage of natural resources is also inevitable. And that means that war is also inevitable. But war has always been inevitable sometime somewhere. That makes Judgement Day also inevitable. How does that ring for those of doubtful faith? However, God has God's Own plan and mystique for Judgement Day. Far beyond the means and perceptions of sniveling humans.

It seems that I cannot escape situations of rapid growth. I have been actively immersed in businesses of rapid growth, and I have observed the crash and burn of those businesses when they are unable to maintain their expansion, be it the loss of liquidity, or spiralling debt. Expansion seems to be only of rapid growth, it almost seems like a law. However, I know it isn't so. One could always refuse deals and opportunities, and limit one's business to what one has the strength and means to maintain. This depends on whenever a person wants to live as a billionaire as quickly as possible, or tolerate the life of an average person or a pauper for a while. I am certain that to succumb to the destruction of rapid growth is the result of greed, the inability to resist the mass of offers and conjectures that are crammed within a short period of time. Allah is the One who enlarges or restricts the provision of whomsoever God wills. Gradual growth is neither unbearable nor impossible. The oldest and mightiest trees grew slowly. By the Will of Allah.

I've become so slow, Julia. I walk slowly, I work slowly, and I drive slowly. I'm also rather lazy. I acquired my laziness from working at the pizza joint: it never really mattered how hard or quickly I worked, it was never enough. But an ant like me enjoys working, so I work slowly. I scrubbed the walls of my bathroom today. Even though I don't use hot water, the climate is so hot and humid at times that mold builds up on the walls. It was a sloppy job, as I was in a rush to perform the sunset prayers, and rice was cooking in the pot. This house needs much effort to be ready for you, and it's not just a matter of money either. My energy seems spread out, I'm doing too many things at this time, plus I'm slow and lazy. But I believe that Allah will make everything snap together nicely for us eventually, insyaAllah. And we can have our beautiful life and marriage together. My most cherished Julia.

Letter to Julia 20120104

Ah, how beautiful you are, my precious beloved Julia. My, you do so love to hide in the wide open, don't you? Well maybe not, but you are good at it. But I recognized you the minute I saw you, Red. I suppose you made it easy for me, huh? Well, I'm really not that smart, so I hope you continue to make it easy for me. I've clearly fallen in love with you. I want us to get married and live happily together in this life and ever after. Please. InsyaAllah.

All this humility I have not yet forgotten all those hard times, and my service to God, insyaAllah. But there are those who claim to be my friends yet are weighed down by their ornaments, so much that they create an object of worship (greed) out of them. I do not represent them, and I cannot represent them as against Allah. It is their own doubt that represents them. Then they resort to materialism. Again. This doubt is then stoked by a person who rationalizes that this materialism is the right path.

Letter to Julia 20120102

Greetings, my beautiful, sexy Julia. It has come to my attention that the 2011-2012 Victoria's Secret fashion show has been aired. I haven't seen it yet. The bandwidth at this Internet cafe can get pretty narrow when it's crowded, and not conducive to watching videos, but I'll try to sit through the whole thing as I blog this my love letter. I am apprehensive to see the show for a few reasons. Firstly, you know that I don't want to stumble upon any bad news. I would rather plead blissful ignorance, and live in my adolescent fantasy world where Julia and I will be happily married without any obstacles whatsoever. I have my fantasies to keep me going! Secondly, I just want my Julia. I don't want to have to wait through all those other acts just to see my girl. And lastly, hey we are supposed to be a deeply spiritual love. I can't have you parading around wearing next to nothing for everybody, when you should be parading around wearing next to nothing only for me. I want you all for me! But I suppose we must do the best we can with the situation Allah gives us.