Letter to Julia 20111001

Damn bloodsuckers! It's not just mosquitos, but they also come in smaller sizes and shapes. That's one disadvantage of an equatorial location: because it's teeming with life, there are also many bugs here. Even the plants can reach out and grab or sting you. You are a supermodel. Yes you are, and your business commitments will probably double after we get married insyaAllah, plus your privacy will decrease because of who you marry. Do you feel like you're dragging a tree of spotlights under your jacket focused on you wherever you go, even now? At least out here in a village in the Malaysian countryside, there is less human activity, or less humans rather. The Matrix has us, Julia! My point is that you must protect the beauty that Allah gave you, which is another expense. Plus, you must try to cover your skin at all times is possible: I mean, please don't run around the house in just your Victoria's Secret lingerie.

I don't know how much free time I will have next week, because my Mom is going in for surgery so I have have to look after my parents. Cook and clean for them, you know. Please be patient with me. I do love you, my sweet Julia. You are my girl.

Letter to Julia 201109029

What? You haven't seen Sailor Moon yet? Sailor Moon is a true modern Japanese classic, her influence transcends mere anime and manga! The anime is for the girl, and the manga is for the woman (if I am allowed to say so myself). The manga is a solitary labor of anguish for Naoko-sensei, while the anime is obviously a community effort. I think the SMSS manga is the worst manga, while the SMSS anime is the best anime. Strange, huh? So is Sailor Moon. I have all 5 seasons (1. SM, 2. SMR, 3. SMS, 4. SMSS, 5. SailorStars) of anime which unhappily I can't watch with you over the internet, but you can read the manga on Mangafox or something. My favorite character is Hotaru-chan! Chibiusa is unfortunately a pagan, which is odd because Naoko-sensei is a Christian.

I'm watching Iron Chef right now- chef Sakai is working on salmon. Ah, I miss salmon. Salmon tastes great raw, and the skin is awesome when cooked until crispy. I started watching Iron Chef when someone wrote on a Sailor Moon chat that Naoko-sensei was once a judge, but I never found her there. I haven't watched every battle, though. You should watch that show, too. It's basically a cook-off, but one can learn a lot. Don't use high heat unless you know what you're doing! Patience my beloved, patience!

It's been raining again over here, ever since my last letter. God had mercy on my village, and it wasn't a continuous downpour. So, we are not quite on the edge of massive flooding. So much water lately. This is beyond the point of weather distortion, this is almost a new norm. Which would be OK I suppose, but this state doesn't seem to drain all this water quickly enough. Weather distortion means change in the motion of this planet. I'll try to explain more about that when the right time comes. Anyway, this last rainfall spawned countless mosquitos. No, I wasn't able to kill them all with my forefinger. There were too many, and they were too aggressive. So, I had to clean up the yard while holding a coil of mosquito incense. Damn bloodsuckers! I hope I don't have to go around everywhere with a can of bug spray holstered on my waist.

P.S. I love you.

Letter to Julia 201109026

Hey, I just saw a spider catch a cockroach! Hey, while I was typing that a few seconds ago, I just killed a mosquito with only my forefinger! One can certainly see many things happen if one takes the time to look. The universe can be seen with both a microscope and a telescope. Glory to Allah.

So, how's business? My feelings tell me that you are very busy. Please take good care of your beautiful body, and maintain your prayers. I dreamed last night that I was kissing you, and making love to you. Mm mmm. When I woke up it felt like I was still dreaming. Thank you for your love.

Once upon a time when people bought and played compact discs of music, musical acts made their living from selling recorded music and playing live concerts. At times, there happened to be communities of bands, and one would call them "scenes". Like the Seattle, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Athens Georgia, Liverpool etc scenes. Many bands in the scene would make good money from music, and would actually be able to live off that money in some cases. Most of the time, everybody knew each other, and would be the audience for each other, and thus some people would call them cliques. But that marketing apparently worked, since the whole country and thenceforth the rest of the world took notice. It's been a while since the last scene. I think the last real scene was the Seattle scene. I attribute this change not only to the way people listen to and use music, but also in the condition of the global landscape of the creative community, and of course the way the money goes. Apparently, the money is in Asia nowadays.

Now, disintegration in the East is as inevitable as it was in the West, because of interest and corruption. They say, "How can we live without consuming interest and without being corrupt, because we are used to it, and it is our sustenance?" It's kind of like people who do harm and blame it on their own weakness, and think because they are weak then it's OK, then continue to do harm. The solution is to live without interest or corruption. But they won't, so that is why disintegration in the East is as inevitable as it was in the West. But perhaps Allah will have mercy on Julia and I and the righteous, and not make things difficult for us. So if Allah wills, the next great scene could be right here in Perlis. A nice little tourist attraction in an exotic locale. Because of instant globalization unlike any of the other music scenes, the situation would have to be policed. We don't want chaos, because chaos comes with mass murder. But perhaps Allah will have mercy on Julia and I and the righteous, and not make things difficult for us.

Letter to Julia 201109024

Hi Sweetie! I was practising my bass while watching "The Man With The Golden Gun", jamming on a few grooves when it occured ro me, "I absolutely have to write to my Sweetie!" How are you doing, precious? Are you taking good care of yourself, and maintaining your prayers? I'm getting old, my love. I tried trimming the grass while standing and bending over, that was a mistake. Ouch! Next time I'll just crawl and squat like I'm supposed to.

Nothing special to report, no extra preaching either. Well, none that I can post here. Just keep your faith sincere, and do not join any partners with Allah! I thought I saw a tall white girl with her shorter buddies in downtown Kangar yesterday, was that you? I don't think she was you, not pretty enough! No girl is as pretty as you, my gorgeous one, because you are my girl. This can be quite an exotic locale when compared to the West, especially if you're looking for something to eat. I've been eating mostly chili lately. Like I told my Mom, it's cheap and filling! I rediscovered homemade fry bread, oh so sweet, even without sugar. It's the natural sweetness of fresh bread, my beloved. The thought had occured to me that I should have added the sourdough starter, but no matter. There's nothing like fresh bread.

Just be cool as the old cucumber, my dearest beauty. Let those who have no faith be agitated. Your patience is from Allah, so know that, and be cool and classy. You are my girl and I love you, and I choose you to be my bride.

Letter to Julia 201109022

Hi there, my beautiful, beloved Julia! Oh, you are so gorgeous, aren't you? You are all I could ever want in a girl, and you are my girl. I pray you are taking good care of your precious body, and that you are maintaining your prayers. People usually think that it's nice to have many admirers, but we know better, don't we? Sure, everybody needs some attention to some degree, but people in our line of work seem to get too much unwanted attention. And it's not just gross old men(!) and women Julia, even the young can be too spotty or too greasy for any one to want to hang out with. Please forgive me, I speak of only wanting Julia to spend quality time alone with, and being married to. Beauty can be a burden, huh?

Yeah I'm old, but it may be hard to believe that I am younger than some other people. Still, I'm too old, and have been in the rock and roll business for too long, to have perma-libido, but I am younger than some other people, and poor enough to be a slave. Thus, the desire of others to get me involved in their affairs, without paying me, keeps my hands tainted in mud. Sigh! Sorry people, I want Julia, and I have my own agenda and inspiration to adhere to: I must please Allah with music. And I don't even have a body to match the voices Allah gave me (come to think of it, neither did Janis, Karen nor Billie). If Allah allows me heaven in the next life, then expect me to ask for a super hot bod and a pretty face, Julia. And greater virility too, so don't be shocked. In this life, I'm going to have to do drugs in order to match your sex drive. Sigh again. But please be patient, and save your lust for our marriage! I don't mind OD-ing for you. Sex, Viagra, and Rock and Roll!

Ahem. I don't think I'm pretty. You're pretty, not me. People should be looking at you, not me. I don't socialize, nor do I seek the public eye, nor do I desire to do anything of that sort. I was like this in the past too. I'm a recluse, I just want to be with my Julia. **sniffle** I caught a cold again. I couldn't do voice training yesterday. I can't sing when I'm stuffed up. I really need a full time personal physician, who is an expert at treating sinus allergies. But what to do? Once a prisoner, still a prisoner... a prisoner in a tower.

Letter to Julia 201109019

Whoops, sweetie! I absolutely meant to blog my love to you last Saturday, but I forgot to bring my wallet. Yeah, it's that 50 cents a blog matter again, but this time you can add some senility to the blame. BUT I posted my letter which I wrote Friday night describing my laziness to be blogged the next day for my beloved, along with this one. Yes I admit I'm lazy, even though it may not seem that I am. My laziness has a purpose, though: I can't sing when I'm fatigued. Nothing comes out! So I avoid physical activity before I have to sing. I like to watch TV, play video games, and snuggle with my sweetie. So while you are running around kickboxing, you can pull me along in a rickshaw. The maid can clean the house.

Damn! Those kids are wearing "No Money No Honey" T-shirts. They're right, though. How can you ever expect me to give you my poverty? I would rather wait until the next life to get married. But that may not be the case, Julia. Allah is not merciless, giving means only to the evil ones. We must pray, and have faith, both of us. Heaven is for the next life, but we can pray and beg that God will give us some happiness in this life, and make our journey together on the righteous path an easy one. You are my most beautiful girl, Julia. I love you.

Letter to Julia 201109017

So, I tried to get nothing done yesterday Julia, in my effort to slow down. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Like I said, I had to run an errand in the morning, but I wound up driving all over the place, then getting gasoline. Then there was Friday prayer. I skipped my voice rehearsal like I was told to, but then I found myself racing against the rain to chop up a tree into small pieces for the bonfire. I did manage to get the fire started before the rain came down, so it stayed lit until sunset despite the rain, for I fed it kindle all that time. chopping up all that wood makes me feel like a lumberjack! Sweated like one, too. It was a good thing I made that batch of chili, so I didn't have to waste time cooking. Coincidentally, I also weeded out my patch of chilli plants, right up to sunset. My Mom made me some fried rice vermicelli, so I didn't have to eat chili all day. Oh Julia, I'm all worn out right now. I didn't get a chance for a nap today, and right now I'm pounding away at this keyboard, writing a love letter to my sweetie. Then for the rest of the night, I have on my schedule a round of Krush, Kill & Destroy to play, then Shadowplay TV to watch until I pass out. Oh, life in the fast lane!

Letter to Julia 201109016

Hi, Julia! I had an extra errand to run today, so I thought I would say hi. I don't really talk all that much, I'm a really quiet person y'know. But since your my sweetie, I must tell you how beautiful you are, and how I care for you deeply. Please take good care of your beautiful body, please make sure you are eating properly, that you are maintaining your prayers, and that you are trying to slow down. That is our goal together, is to slow down, to make more time to pay attention to you, and give you a good life.

Oh, I'm trying to slow down. But when I practice singing, I have to practice stamina, so I hammer through song after song, one after the other, for about one and a half hours average everyday, which knocks the wind out of me. Then I have to practice the drums, and make sure I play with power, and that completely wears me out. Then, I have to practise balance, between being an aggressive and angry drummer, to being the most feminine chick singer ever, insyaAllah.

Anyway, I gotta go. You slow down too, OK?

Qur'an 20110916

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

118. If your Lord had so willed, God could have made humankind one people, but they will not cease to dispute.

119. Except those on whom your Lord has bestowed God's Mercy, and for this did God create them, and the Word of your Lord shall be fulfilled, "I will fill hell with jinns and humans all together."

120. All that We relate to you of the stories of the messengers, with it We make firm your heart. In them there comes to you the Truth, as well as an exhortation, and a message of rememberance to those who believe.

121. Say to those who do not believe, "Do whatever you can: we shall do our part!"

122. And wait you, We too shall wait.

Hud 11:118-122
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Do whatever you can: we shall do our part!

Letter to Julia 201109015

Hi Julia, my beautiful love! My, it's mid-September already, huh? It should be autumn in Salt lake City by now, maybe there's a little residual heat left there from summer. I do love the cool air of autumn in the mountains and the falling leaves, just like I love the first snowfall of winter. Here it's always most pleasant right after the rain stops. There is soooo much life in the Malaysian countryside, and the animals are very active right after the rain. Lately it's been raining a lot, again. We were right on the edge of another massive flood, again. Some areas did wind up flooding, but God kept my village right on the edge. We've been on the edge of flooding quite frequently recently.

I have been taking it slow as usual, there's no point in rushing for me, especially with what I do, and the condition of global media as it is. When Allah makes it happen, then it will happen... then you'd better get ready, because I'll be coming out to get you, and marry you. I'll try to slow it down, but you should know how Allah works by now. It would seem that things happen all of a sudden, when there was actually quite a lengthy and massive buildup. That's why we must be patient, and put our trust in Allah.

Meanwhile, I made another batch of chili. Ah, this one is an excellent batch, since I'm in no real hurry, so it's been cooking slowly for about 7 hours already. It's still not done yet, it'll probably be ready by midnight, just in time for a snack. Ah, chili is heavenly when the beans break up right at its saturation point. So much flavor! That's why you must never add potatoes in chili, for potatoes saturate sooner than beans, and ruin the flavor. A good bowl of chili is one of the best foods in the world, even though it's poor man's food. It occured to me at the 7th hour that I should have made some bread, but I forgot, and now I'm too lazy. Tortillas are a pain in the ass to roll out by hand, anyway. I should have bought a tortilla press while I was in Arizona. Well, I wouldn't have been able to bring it back here. I had some sourdough starter in my cooler. Yeah, I learned the art of sourdough while I was in Salt Lake City. So instead of bread, I made sourdough pancakes to go with the chili. Which didn't work, because I guzzled all the pancakes already, and the chili's not ready yet. Something about sourdough pancakes, it doesn't need anything else.

Sourdough is definitely something that takes patience, after all, you're not going to get that flavor from fresh flour. So you be patient too, and do not transgress. A woman of your position (and mine) simply does not have any room to transgress anymore because it will be noticed immediately, and all you worked for up until now will go up in flames. Maintain your prayers, in the mornings and evenings. Good things remove that which is evil, please remember that. Be firm in patience, and let the world see how firm you are, For Allah will not allow the reward of the righteous to be lost.

Letter to Julia 201109012

The Matrix has you, Julia. Yes! Since we were talking about business, let's discuss next about what is fair and equal in balance as regards to business. I'm sure you've felt unhappy many times over the amount of work you had to do in respect to the returns you received. Since you are my mate, the balance is more lop-sided than you figured. Since the situation is spiritual in nature, it becomes even more lop-sided than that. God is the Best at taking account, so I suppose that means that which way the scales drop depends on one's service to God. Not just by acts of worship, but also by acts of justice and compassion (which could also accepted by Allah as acts of worship).

The most basic form of fair balance is for example, when you buy groceries like fish and cooking oil, you would not want it to be overpriced. Then you would wonder why would it be overpriced: perhaps somebody 5000 miles away would pay extra or buy more volume, so that you as a local would have to pay extra. Then you would feel that it would be fair to give the locals a more accessible price as they are the ones that generate the product. Or maybe they spent the money on some sort of speculation, that they became steeped in debt, and are now placing the burden of repayment on the consumer. Or perhaps it is a simple case of greed, that those who set the prices would want see how much money they can squeeze from the consumer before the consumer resorts to corporeal action. But I'm sure whoever they may be are really nice people who use the extra money they make to feed the poor and replenish natural resources.

Allah takes detailed accounting of every deed, every intent and every cent spent or withheld by every human. What we perceive to be wealth could be a lifetime of accumulation of short measures, and since these people have not received their reckoning yet, they are perceived as right, and immune. Allah pays special attention to family matters and inheritance, and the proportions thereof are specified in detail in the Qur'an. After all, we are never able to be repay in fairness to our parents, who gave birth to us. Also it seems that the influence of my family is more consideration to others than Allah.

Since I have chosen to marry you Julia, you are sharing the influence of my lifetime's work, and the music given to me by Allah. Entertainment business is certainly a trial, but the influence of the music is both tangible and profound. But of course I am perceived as powerless since I don't have all the material possessions that greed aspires to, plus the gold adornments. They simply can't understand anything else. I trust Allah for my sustenance, for the end is for the righteous, then insyaAllah the scales will come crashing down heavily in my favor, if Allah accepts my work and my worship. Ya Allah, please grant Julia and I and the sincerely righteous peace in this lifetime and the next, and make our path easy.

Letter to Julia 201109010

God knows exactly when the first human being walked on this this earth. What we do know is that humans are born naked, and that was most likely to be his state when he first came upon this world. Then his mate was naked too, and they probably ran naked everywhere, fornicating in the open, relieving themselves wherever they felt like it. Then something made them cover their bodies with leaves, animal skin, wool or whatever. Why? Maybe it was the cold, heat, rain, bugs, or whatever. Then came woven fabrics, put together into outfits of varying purposes, that could be able to cover the entire body.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) predicted there would come a time when a woman would be naked even though she was clothed. Perhaps he meant that her clothes would be transparent, or that her clothes would be skin-tight and revealing. What is for certain is that it wasn't always this way. Christians, Jews, and Muslims all had their time when women dressed modestly, and anyone who dressed less than that in public was obviously out for debauchery. Nowadays, it is not so easy to make that distinction, or even to force it on others. One could attribute this to a modern state of mind reflected in attire, a revolution, perhaps connected to the sexual revolution of the 1960s, though the most noticable change in fashion occured after World War I. But a revolution by definition is not something new, but a return to a previous state, as a point on a wheel which revolves to the same point, as the wheel turns. So this reflects in modern fashion where women wearing less and less being the norm, added to "freedom" of promiscuity, returning humans closer to the point where people ran around naked and had sex in the open.

Then, there is business to consider. In music and fashion today, there is the notion of having to be sexy, as part of the business. This can be a forced act, and a dangerous force it is. One may argue that such experience is necessary for the sake of experimentation, but it is NOT necessary. Sex is all the same, it is the same old "penetration and violation" theory rehashed into a sickening stew. It is NOT necessary to do want you don't want to do for the sake of money. The devil may trick you into wanting it, or that it is part of the business, but the devil can be tricked too. I convinced the devil that I was a lesbian. But even so, I didn't want to slut around, or do anything I didn't want to do for the sake of business or even experimentation, so I repented, and put my life in the care of Allah. Thus, I don't pass anymore, even though I'm technically a chick singer. Like I said before, it's OK for a man to be butt-ugly. That is the mercy of Allah.

But all this analysis is very secular, and I don't like secular because it is the same as atheism as it forbids the consideration of God. I've chosen my camp, and I intend to die there. The truth is that the union between husband and wife (man and woman) is a creation of God, and that makes it sacred. Yeah, people are going to do whatever they want to do, so let them do it, as long as they don't involve the innocent in their acts. Whoever Allah leaves to stray, there can be none to save them. I have a spiritual agenda: I want to please Allah with music. And I choose you to be my wife, so I believe that makes our union sacred. Ya Allah, please bless our love.

Letter to Julia 20110908

Hello there, my beautiful beloved Julia. Yes, you are a beauty, a truly global beauty. Yes, I love you and I want to marry you. Yes, of course I have been missing you, because I have great longing to be with you, but I must be patient, until Allah grants me the means to afford to give you and our children a good life, as I said, I do not want to give you my poverty. It is not impossible my dearest, but we must be patient, and we must pray. You do know that I do not look for you on the internet. Because no news is better than bad news, which leaves me my love, imagination and desire to fuel my tenacity to be married to you. And I want to marry you, Julia. I have on this old computer of mine, which runs on Windows ME which I rebuilt from the trash dump, a randomized slide show of your photos which I accumulated when I first proposed to you back in 2009, as my view into your eyes and soul, something to pray for. Certainly, we are both private people, so I just want us to be married. For insyaAllah, I have not been untrue to my promise to marry you, and have been waiting all this while for Allah to allow me the means to give you the happiness and security in marriage that we both need.

Truly, there is nothing else for me to do but wait for you. I am older than you so I have less time, but that's OK. I don't feel like going anywhere anymore, I just want to be like a tree and take root, and be with my Julia, and give her a good life.

Letter to Julia 20110906

Ah, Julia! How are you, sweetie? No sugar for me today. There seems to be an excess of holiday cookies in my kitchen. Just because I have all that sugar doesn't mean that I must eat them, even though I'm compelled not to waste. Want a cookie? Say ah! Thus, I'm feeling a little agitated and rushed for time today, which is ridiculous, because I'm just a country bumpkin. And what does sugar have to do with that?

I know I shouldn't babble, but I have to talk to my sweetie, and I don't really feel like talking about the greedy and the oppressive today. Who really cares if they live or die anyway, if they have no respect for Allah? Actually, today I want to talk about fish. Do you like fish? Well, in lieu of something more interesting to tell my sweetie, let's talk about fish. For someone of my economic means, fish is the logical choice, because it feeds both me and Chee Cheah. Perlis has high quality seafood which is usually affordable, but not recently. I suppose the prices went up because of the holidays: not just mackerel, but all the fishies. My Mom gave me some money to buy fish, so I decided to go for something other than mackerel. Malaysia has a native species of tuna, which is the short-tailed tuna, or what the locals call the "tongol". It's a bigger fish than my usual fare, I figured I would get more fish flesh per dollar value if I bought a big fish. Wrong. Plus, one can't eat the bones. I supposed this tuna is called a short-tail because the stomach cavity extends to 60% of its length. The flesh is quite good raw, except for the extra dark area by the stomach. I thought the skin would be scaleless and easy to peel, because it was smooth and bruises easily. Wrong. I mangled my fillets, Julia! I'm so bummed. **sobs** I don't know what to do with this fish. I don't have wasabi, so no sushi. Maybe I'll do a shabu-shabu with the fish broth I made of the bones and fish head.

Oh no, I have another kilo of fish to fillet! I'll do it tomorrow. It's not mackerel, but some other shoal type fish with big-eyes, which I don't know the English name of. The locals name it after a classic singer, Uji Rashid. Nice to be named after a fish, huh? Now, that's love. Hey, do you still want to talk about fish? Maybe we can do some trawling from our ark, insyaAllah. Or just rent a nice boat for a romantic cruise around the islands. Perhaps I'll catch a bluefin tuna. I'll be happy with a yellowfin. The adults grow to 2m! What a party for me and little Chee Cheah. Meanwhile, you please stay patient and maintain your prayers. InsyaAllah, we'll be together soon. Come and join me in Islam, my beloved.

Letter to Julia 20110904

Hi Julia, you intense thing you. Your intensity may scare others, but I LOOOVE how intense you are. Woooo! I pray you are taking good care of yourself and your lovely body. Please make sure you are eating peoperly, and getting enough beauty rest. The fasting month was a time of plenty for this poor musician: there was always some free food somewhere everyday, so I was spoiled. Now, reality has sunk back in, and I am back to cooking rice twice a day, and processing leftovers, and unwanted plant and animal parts, into some sort of creative cuisine. My Mom gave me all sorts of traditional cookies for the Eid, but I can't stomach all of them, so I have to try to find some sort of use for them. For instance, I can't eat those crumbly cookie types, so I used them as a breadcrumb substitute for fried chicken. Hm.

Anyway, I have to remind you again to please be patient. Use your intensity to start to slow down: slow everything down, take forever to do things. When we get together insyaAllah, the goal is to slow things down even more. The purpose is to appreciate the time we have together, to seek the best solutions to our trials, to savor whatever little happiness that comes our way, to give our hearts the pleasure of beating. Why would you seek security in a relationship, namely marriage? Because we are not getting younger, so slow things down.

The intensity level in general is very high, not just in my case, but because Judgement Day gets closer and closer. So we must slow down. I am building an ark, would you join me? To set sail to you, little by little, piece by piece. Oh, so slowly.

Qur'an 20110904

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

32. They said, "O Noah! You have disputed with us, and you have prolonged the dispute with us. Now bring upon us what you threaten us with, if you speak the truth!"

33. He said, "Truly Allah will bring it on you, if God wills, and then you will not be able to frustrate it!"

34. Of no profit will be my counsel to you, much as I desire to give you counsel. If it be that Allah wills to leave you astray, God is your Lord! And to God will you return.

35. Or do they say, "He has forged it?" Say, "If I had forged it, on me were my sin! And I am free of the sins of which you are guilty!"

36. It was revealed to Noah, "None of your people will believe except those who have believed already! So grieve no longer over their deeds."

37. But construct an Ark under Our eyes and Our inspiration, and address Us not on behalf of those who are in sin, for they are about to be overwhelmed.

Hud 11:32-37
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If I had forged it, on me were my sin! And I am free of the sins of which you are guilty!