Letter to Julia 20130401

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Well, the swelling has gone down on Batty's paw, and the wound smells clean (no smell).  Also, he has a lot of energy and a hearty appetite, even though he has a bad limp.  So I decided to do some Internet work instead of going to the vet.  InshaAllah, he will be back to full strength soon. Meanwhile, he stays in his cage.

And how are you, my love?  Please be patient with others.  That comes with being Mrs. Global, I suppose.  Please pray that some of that money flying around us lands in my lap soon, so I can help build Casa de Julia.  Don't forget that you have walked through the door into a spiritual reality with me, with purpose high above the greed and crude matter that permeates the agendas of others.  Glory to Allah Who has guided us to the right path, and made us righteous.

Letter to Julia 20130330

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello again, Julia my love.  I love you.  So I write another love letter, and here it is.  I could spill more smoochies for you, you gorgeous thing you, but I have to talk about my cat today.  Because I might not be able to post a blog Monday if I have to take him to the vet.

Catgone it, I'm up to my eyeballs with cats I have to doctor!  There is this off-black cat with a long tail, and scrawny looking.  But he is very strong and clever.  If he were a human, he would be a crime boss.  He attacks the paws and legs of his opponents, so they can't fight back.  He mangled the right hind paw of my Batty-Watty Bat Cat, and he put a hole in the thigh of Scruffy, my brother's white cat.  Scruffy seems to be coping OK, but my Batty has trouble walking.  So I had to place him under protective exile in his cage, and occasionally disinfect his paw with rubbing alcohol.  While he was incarcerated for his own safety, his enemies visited him to mutter threats.  Yeah, I counted at least 3 cats wanting to kill him: the off-black cat, a black cat with a stubby tail, and an orange striped cat who comes a-howling around my house while my Bat Cat is detained.  So many enemies.  He's not even a year old yet.  While these cats may plot to get Batty, it is unlikely that they would sincerely gang up with each other against him.  Just like when the humans plot against an individual, they also plot against each other to gain superiority.  Allah will put all secrets to the test.  Ya Allah, please protect and heal my Bat Cat and Chee Cheah.

Letter to Julia 20130328

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, Julia my beloved.  How are you feeling today?  You certainly are very pretty, aren't you?  Mwah!  Have you seen the new James Bond movie?  I finally got around to watching it.  The movie had been in queue for my consideration for over a month already.  They certainly let Judi Dench bow out as M in a most graceful manner.  Was that 7 movies with her as M?  Didn't both Sean Connery and Roger Moore do 7 movies each as 007?  Didn't Bernard Lee do more than 7 movies as M?  I'm confused.  Do you think Daniel Craig will last 7 movies as Bond?  No, I don't normally do movie reviews, and I don't really want to either.  I hate having to watch programming I don't want to watch.  That's why I have my own TV station.

Letter to Julia 20130327

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia.  How are you, luv?  I went to the dentist yesterday.  Did you know?  It was a minor filling: one of my back teeth is longer than the rest.  The dentist was more interested in that major filling I got 4 weeks ago.  It almost seemed like... politics.  Anyway, I got the impression that they didn't want to work on my teeth unless I'm in pain.  Private dentists don't give me that attitude.  But I guess I get what I pay for. 

I suppose I'm not completely free of cronyism.  The mysterious piano player and his sister have been part of Shadowplay history for many decades already.  But he really is a darned good pianist.  And I often eat at my brother's restaurant, but that doesn't mean I would have him play lead guitar in my band.  I've always tried to keep Shadowplay made of the best musicians possible, but it didn't always work out that way.  Then being alone and forced to do everything myself changed everything.  MashaAllah, I became better at guitar, bass, drums, singing, and production.  But I didn't want to be ostracized.  Apart from the lynch mobs, I guess I could have been more political.  But I'm a musician, not a politician.

But even old friends like the mysterious piano player and his sister are stuck in their own lives and circumstances, that they can allow no room for themselves in the massiveness mashaAllah that is Shadowplay.  I can't even talk to them regularly.  Again, the person I speak with most is.... you.

Letter to Julia 20130325

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beautiful beloved Julia.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are healthy and confident.  I have made a promise to marry you my love, and inshaAllah I intend to keep my promise, as time ticks on.  I'm sorry that I'm so poor as to not be able to give you your beautiful married life right now.  Please forgive me, I feel really bad about that.  But I can only wait for Allah to provide me the means.  I simply cannot have you marry into my poverty.  You must understand, I can only consider your well-being.  I cannot take any other position than to put your well-being into priority.  Please forgive me, Julia.  I love you so much.  I'm so sorry that I'm so poor.

I understand what Allah commands me to do with was is given to me, is to stand my ground here, and please Allah with music.  As my wife, you must accept this.  Plus, the situation gives us the excuse to stay in one place, stick to each other, and raise our family.  Sure, I live in the supernatural, but I'm also scientific, practical and compassionate inshaAllah, because I study the Qur'an.  Certainly those who reject the Qur'an will meet their punishment in the hereafter, as well as the less than century that is their meager lifespan.  Just as certain that  the old arrogant routines and cronyism of entertainment and mass media have become unprofitable.

Letter to Julia 20130323

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beloved.  I wanted to come in and do a little Internet work on Thursday, but I had to take Chee Cheah to the vet.  The vet won't let me feed her any more cheap cat food.  My Mom gets cat food at a deal, for RM5 a kilo.  But the vet said I can't feed Chee Cheah any more of that cheap stuff.  She can only eat the very best cat food.  Bat Cat is a little easier to feed.  He likes whole fish, raw.  He chows down on the head first, slurps up the guts, then eats the body and tail last.  Fish prices can spike for whatever reason, so I got a mild shock when I bought half a kilo this morning.  But it's all right, especially after I saw his love offering on the driveway: a dead mouse.

I suppose I'm going to have to sign some contracts to get any real money so I can afford to marry my Julia and buy musical instruments and computer equipment, inshaAllah.  But I can't compromise my agenda to please Allah with music.  And I can't travel for the sake of the contract.  I have to stand my ground here in Perlis.  So I will be reading and analyzing whatever contract before I sign anything.  InshaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20130320

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh hi, Julia.  How are you, Sweetie?  I stayed at home and grilled squid yesterday, so I didn't go to work on the Internet.  I just stayed on front of the grill, and ate squid as I grilled it.  It was delicious!  Want some?  Oh, I already ate all of it!

So I just stay at home by my lonesome, waiting for Allah to bring us together in this life, as well as the Hereafter.  I take care of my parents who live next door to some extent, but they know that I've been quite the hermit ever since I was a kid, so we don't gab a lot.  It's difficult to talk to parents about everything.  The person I talk the most with is.... you.  It's probably because I love you, and I want to marry you.

So I am a recluse.  I'm not close to my siblings, and out of the friends I've made in the past, I only made a promise of return to the mysterious piano player and his sister.  I have a business agreement for 3 cds on consignment with CD Baby since 1998, but I haven't received a penny from them for that, so you can't expect me to have much respect for that relationship.  After all, what matters to a musician is the money received as opposed to the money lost along the way, right?  I think I'll just sell cds at a stall here in the kampung than to ever do business with a record company ever again.  I'll make more money that way!

But I am a recluse.  I don't talk to anybody.  Even when I go out to eat, I order my food and eat quietly.  Anyone who claims to have a connection or business with me other than those I just mentioned is fraudulent.  They must have a contract.

Letter to Julia 20130318

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh Julia, my dearest heart.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are healthy and confident.  I'm feeling so drained today.  I'm so tired.  My feet are lemons.  Sorry, no kickboxing matches between us today.

I need to remind everyone that I am not a prophet.  I'm not an angel.  I've wandered far before I found Allah, and I have a BAD reputation.  And now I'm can only try my best to please Allah.    If the people need a role model, then they should emulate prophet Muhammad (peace be on him).  If they need someOne to worship, then they should worship Allah.  I am merely a rock star.  You are a supermodel.  You are my wife, inshaAllah.

Please understand and remember that perfect happiness is impossible in this life.  Perfection is a reward in the next life.  But if we work and have faith, perhaps Allah will grant us an easy and happy life, then a place together in heaven.  You are my girl Julia, and I love you.

Letter to Julia 20130316

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Gah!  It never fails: all it takes is for Bat Cat to not be at home for one night, and the mice know he's not here and start coming to the house.  Then I have to chase them with a stick and personally whomp them.  Chee Cheah is a useless mouser.  She doesn't even stir from her slumber, even though I make a lot of noise chasing the mice.  What to do?  Bat Cat is a male kampung cat, and he has to wander around the kampung until he gets his fill.  But I love my cats.  Ya Allah, please protect and heal Chee Cheah and Bat Cat, and give them long, happy lives.

Certainly it is difficult to get a TV show started, then maintain it.  Even with a magnificent situation like this, right between East and West in a polyglot country, and Islam.  There is much work that needs to be done.  Not just to get the location studio organized, staffed and financed, but to research and negotiate the guests, products and services to be plugged on the show, then create the timetable, then promotion.  It is not my place to do all that, and not just because I'm lazy and refuse to travel.  I'm also ignorant.

InshaAllah, what I need is a desk just like Johnny Carson's, with a computer on the desk so I can Google it up if I don't know who the hell my guest is and what he/she is trying to sell.  Or the producer can just IM me.  I'm also very fussy about vocal quality for live performances and recordings.  I don't want my voice to be equalized (or EQ'd) whether it be on the mains or monitors, I like to stay on the edge of feedback (feedback is a musical instrument, did you know that?), and I don't like to use a windscreen for my SM57.  I will be a f***ing diva if the sound engineer doesn't conform to my demands.

Then of course, I want you to work with me.  To sit beside me.  To handle the sports figures and the fashion elements while I sip my coffee or tea.  But we have to be properly married first.  I love you, Julia.

Letter to Julia 20130313

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I grilled a fish yesterday.  Oh, it's not a big deal: they were selling those huge hardtail scads at the night market on Monday, so I always get one whenever I can.  They don't show up at the market in that size all that often, so I buy one whenever they do.  But the process of grilling a fish is sooo involved, and time consuming.  I had to get the stuffing done the night before, otherwise I wouldn't be able to eat the fish until after the afternoon prayer the next day.  So, I had the peel 2 coconuts, take them to be grated, borrow my Mom's blender to blend the grated coconut, then cook up the stuffing, which had onions, garlic, lemongrass, and chilli paste.  While that was cooking, I gutted and filleted the fish from the inside without breaking the skin, so I could stuff the fish like a sausage.  I put them in the cooler for the next day.  The next day, I had to buy more charcoal, and I stopped by the day market to buy some beef for steak at the same time.  There were a couple of ingredients I forgot yesterday like limes and cilantro, so I picked those up as well.

It seems like almost a religious experience grilling my fish, huh?  Praise Allah!  A costly one at that, and just for one fish.  When I was grilling it, the atmosphere became silent: my parents stayed quietly in their bedroom, and there wasn't a cat or a bird in sight.  There were only a couple of ants running around at top speed.  Oh, the fish tasted good.  You want some?  I have some leftover in the cooler.  Tastes better hot.  Next, I have to do some ironing.  Oh Julia, I HATE ironing!  Can I please go to work in an unironed shirt?  Please?

Letter to Julia 20130311

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello Julia, my dearest heart.  How are you feeling today?  You are my love, you are my girl, and I love you with all my heart.  I feel so sad without you.  I am not so strong.  No, I am not strong at all.  I'm just a weak little girly-girl lesbian who longs for her girly-girl.  It's getting to the point where I think I have lost all my libido, for all I want is you.  It's not life at all without you here with me.  Perhaps I've become so broken hearted, that I'm going to need a lot of drugs to ever have lust again.  Or maybe I'm just old, and I need a lot of drugs.  Oh, I'm such a weak and lonely person without my Julia.

Letter to Julia 20130309

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia!  I love you.  You are my girl.  I spent too much time standing around cutting grass yesterday, so I'm paying for it today.  Ouch!  I guess old people talk about aches and pains a lot.  Well, I just want to lie on the floor, and watch TV.

My bedroom is being invaded by little black beetles.  They don't bite or anything, but they're always there: whenever I clean them up, a new batch replaces them.  The beetles!

Letter to Julia 20130307

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh Julia, I ate your chicken wrap again since you didn't show up for dinner.  Yeah, it's been chicken wrap a lot this past week, because I have a lot of chicken breast in the cooler, and a whole bunch of dough that I made mixed with spiced breadcrumbs and oil (leftover fried chicken crust) with diced onions.  It makes awesome tortillas!  This time instead of mayo, I made some eggplant sauce.  Yummy!  Want one?  Oh, I'm sorry: I already ate yours.

Heh!  The Brits want me to do a TV show!  I'm afraid I don't have the teeth for TV, and I don't want to get the teeth either.  It would ruin my singing.  And even if I did have the teeth, I'm just too damn lazy to do all the work needed to maintain a TV show.  I don't want to travel, and I don't want to do a TV show that annoys Allah.  But you know, a talk/variety show in English, set in exotic Perlis to be simulcast in Britain and Malaysia, then syndicated worldwide, could be very profitable.   There could be music, a fashion section, a food section, I could sing instead of do a monologue, we could do a little bit of science, health, and Islam, with a little bit of heavy guitars... **yawn**  I think I'll just veg out and watch TV.

You do remember our goal, my love?  Our goal is to slow down, and be with each other always, and enjoy our love, lives and family together, insyaAllah.  No amount of money can save our marriage if we're always traveling and apart.  The parrot won't sing if he's not content!

Letter to Julia 20130305

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh Julia, I ate your chicken wrap since you didn't show up for dinner last night.  I hope you don't mind.  The home made bread turned out much better this time, since I cooked it more.  I found some butter lettuce and tomatoes at the night market, and cooked up some chicken breast.  Alhamdulillah.

Ah, the past.  You are my future, and I can only wait for Allah to allow me you, so I think a lot about the past.  It's amazing what a small child can recall.  Do you remember much about your life when you were 4 years old?  That would be 1988, right?  I was browsing YouTube by year, and I came across the very first song I could remember, it was sung by a chick singer, and I had totally forgotten about it.  Strange, one would think that a musician would remember the first musical influences, but this song had completely slipped away from my heart until a few days ago.  "Puff the magic dragon" was the 2nd song to come into my memory, "Close to you" by the Carpenters was the 3rd, and "The circle game" by Joni Mitchell was the 4th.  The first song I remember is Cilla Black's version of "Goin' out of my head".  I don't normally blab about my heart and mind in this public situation, but I think that it would be important for musicians to know that the most important musical influences stay in hiding to show up later as wisdom, and when they least expect it, to coincide with contemporary events.  Of course, Allah gets the credit and the glory.

Cilla Black has an elementary school teacher look about her, but she is an awesome singer.  She has a sort of overdrive in her voice, which is graduated like a volume knob as opposed to a switch, and she can get LOUD.  In this 1969 performance, it seems that she flubbed the words at the end of the song, or did she?  It doesn't matter, she is a grand singer.  I couldn't help but cry when I heard this song again.  I can't explain why.

Letter to Julia 20130304

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful Julia.  What are you doing?  I'm kicking back, watching Shadowplay TV.  I'm trying to slow down, and I hope you are too.  Hang on to yourself!  I don't have anything new programmed into my TV station.  Time stops with you: you are the newest show on my TV.  Otherwise, everything is all about the past.  Right now, I'm watching Salor Moon SuperS 140, where the fashion designer becomes the victim.  I first saw this in 1998, on the internet with a dial-up modem!  Hee hee.... if I had a choice I wouldn't have thrown anything away.  But things got thrown away for me.  But I still have my TV!

Letter to Julia 20130302

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Rain, rain, rain.  Allah certainly knows how to put on a show.  And certainly Allah is the One who put on the show, and no one else.  I was hoping to go out tonight and have some steamboat at my brother's place with my sweetie, so I hope it doesn't rain.  I hope you show up for dinner tonight, Julia.  Otherwise, I'm going to have to eat your portion again.  I'm going to get bloated if you keep this up, Julia.  Please have pity on me, and start showing up for dinner.  You wouldn't want to be married to a fat blob, would you?