Letter to Erin 20150228

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beloved Erin.  How are you today, Sweetheart?  Me, I'm longing for toys as usual.  Tools, rather.  When it comes to music, I do so love to work.  But I have learned to slow down in my old age.  For when the music's over, so is the musician.

I saw that video of you in that Swimsuit 2015 Swimville, in Nashville I presume, and I must say that it went by incredibly fast.  Oh my God!  She's naked!  I'm going to get shot!  Ya Allah, please protect us!  But I must be grateful with what Allah has given me.  Right, everybody?  Like I said, it went by so quickly, and I'm sure the time sped by faster for you since you experienced it first hand.  So I slowed the video down to quarter speed.  Please don't feel like I'm trying to gain humor at your expense.  Everyone sounds funny when their voices are slowed down or sped up, especially me.  More than that, one is able to see the nuances of the event, like the props, the background, the expressions on people's faces, the expressions on your face.  One thing I noticed is that the girls looked really frumpy lined up on that stage.  Not you of course in your slick black, because you are my Rock and Roll Babe, and I love you with all my heart.  But don't you feel sorry for all the other girls, looking like that?  Obviously they spent big bucks on the event, so why do the girls have to look bargain basement?  I suggest next time, they collaborate with a fashion house.

Life goes by fast in the fast lane, and don't think because you are still young, you can handle the pressure on your heart.  Don't compensate with drugs and alcohol.  Listen to me on this, Erin!  I'm very protective of you!  The best way to force time to slow down is prayer, plus Allah will help compensate for the stuff you missed, inshaAllah.  Of course I appreciate you.  I appreciate how beautiful you are and what a sweetheart you are, so please don't lose that.  I want you to know that you are loved.  I love you, and I need you.

Qur'an 20150228

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

65.  Say, "Truly am I a warner: no god is there but the One God, Supreme and Irresistible."

66.  The Lord of the heavens and the earth and all between, Exalted in Might, Able to enforce God's Will, Forgiving again and again.

67.  Say, "That is the Message Supreme."

68.  From which you do turn away.

Sad 38:65-68
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Truly am I a warner: no god is there but the One God, Supreme and Irresistible.

That is the Message Supreme.

Letter to Erin 20150226

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.


Hey there beautiful Erin.  Hey Baby!!!  Hey Gorgeous!!!  How's my beautiful sweetheart feeling today?  Well, I think of you all the time.  Always on my mind.  It's a mundane day for me today, I didn't go out anywhere but to buy some mackerel and vegetables for a chicken dinner.  I thought at first to sashimi the mackerel, then I got lazy and just fried the whole lot to a crispy fry.  I ate nine fish.  Urgh.  I won't do that again.  Next time it's sashimi or sushi or whatever.  The cats had a great lunch, though.  The chicken dinner was classier.  I slow cooked the chicken breast in margarine (I didn't have any butter).  I had lots of dough, so I made a couple of tortillas.   Then I wrapped up the chicken with cashew shoots, oyster mushroom, tomatoes burrito style with mayo and mole sauce.  One for you, one for me.  You weren't here, so I ate yours.  After dinner, I recorded a bit of original guitar for somebody's birthday.  And now I'm writing a love letter.  To my Erin!  You sweetheart.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150224

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.


I am a creature of feedback.  Guitars, drums, singing, my life is a lot of feedback.  Like a fractal.  So when I can't hear my voice, I can't sing properly.  I wind up over exerting, and ruining my voice.  But I can't record with the PA system cranked up- I have to use headphones.  But I didn't have the right kind of headphones: the price of poverty.  So when I had to record a birthday song for somebody, I taped a set of speakers to a plastic clothes hanger, padded it with kitchen sponges, and tied the contraption on my head.  Recording vocals is difficult enough because I'm so self critical, but the ordeal made me seriously depressed.  Musical instruments are useless in heaven.  Mere toys to pass the time.  But here on Earth in this life, they serve as weapons of propaganda and intimidation.  Ya Allah, please bear Witness that I serve you with music.  Please grant me all the musical and computer equipment that I desire.

Erin, when you answer questions for an interview, you need to remember that you're not in a court of law and under oath.  I'm not telling you to lie: I'm telling you to give answers that make you happy, even if it's irrelevant to the question.  For example, if someone asks you "fake tan or real tan?" you should answer "no tan".  Well, that's what makes me happy.  I don't want you to have a tan, because I like smooth, white skin.  I want you to stay fit, have no tan, and be as blonde as humanly possible because that's what I like.  After all, the crowd doesn't give a rat's ass about your happiness, but I do.  Because I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150222

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I don't seem to have much variety in my cooler lately.  I usually stock up right at the beginning of the month, now I'm running out of options.  I try to stay within my budget, and right now I'm budgeted for cat food.  Hey, I love my kitties.  So tonight I had hot dogs.  My Dad gave me some hot dogs a couple of weeks ago.  How creative can you get with hot dogs?  I would love to see hot dogs as the theme ingredient on Iron Chef.  AAEEEP-KEEZEEEM!!!  (yeah I know he said Allez Cuisine, but it sure sounds like AAEEEP-KEEZEEEM)  So I wrapped the hot dogs in yuba bean curd, and pan fried it.  It tasted quite good actually, but I should have used a non-stick pan.

I have to mention how beautiful and sexy you are in your SI photos.  Your body seems fuller than it was 6 years ago, and I like it.  I find it very arousing.  AAAAA!!!  I don't want anyone else to see it!  I've been getting a lot of heat about your work, but I stand by you.  After all, I must be grateful as to what Allah has given me.  Don't you agree?  Please dress modestly when you are not working.  Erin I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150220

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Lately there has been so much garbage on Google under your search string.  Some of them get top ranking in the search even with only one view.  Yeah, fame is not a blessing.  So obviously, I cannot take every video seriously but more than that, I can only consider the professional productions under familiar names with any ounce of credibility.  If you are trying to communicate something to me, I'm afraid you are going to have to be smarter than your detractors.  And yes my beloved darling Erin, I have feelings too.

Marriage is certainly a very serious business, and with us it is even more serious considering who we are.  I remind you again that I cannot be married to a non-Muslim.  As for the actual wedding, there will have to be two wedding ceremonies: the first one for me, and the second one for you, and both of them Islamic.  I want a simple ceremony at the local mosque, followed by your housewarming party.  You can have whatever ceremony you please, for I'm sure your bosses and your family will want to get involved.  I'm sure you have gotten hooked on sandy tropical beaches but before you make me travel to an unfamiliar place under vague security protocols, please check out Langkawi, Malaysia.  Yeah it's a tourist trap, but it's pretty.  You must place your trust in my conduct of our business of marriage.  For I am your husband and I study the Qur'an, where I receive inspiration and guidance from Allah, that Allah will grant us security and happiness inshaAllah.

This is a spiritual matter my dearest Erin, and there is no joking about it.  You are such a sweetheart Erin, and I want you to be happy with me, and us to be happy together.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150217

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Aw Erin, I've only been gone a day.  You sweetheart, I love you so.  I have to commute 8km each way to blog, and I ride my motorcycle real slow, because commute is more dangerous for me than other people.  So I don't want to blog every day if possible.  If I had home Internet I would probably blog everyday, at least a journal of sorts.  Got to keep things mundane if you want to raise a family.  This also happens to be my week of isolation, where I stay away from the Internet and people in general.  It has nothing to do with you,  In fact, I wish you were with me to share my isolation.  I love you, and I need you.

Pretty much all of the houses and buildings here are made of solid brick.  You're not going to find wooden stud frames covered by drywall and plaster here.  I think the issue is termites.  The old style traditional houses were made of wood, but no more.  Something else you need to consider is that there are no basements here.  That's because of flooding.  In fact, I see more and more buildings with raised foundations nowadays.  When the time and money comes to me inshaAllah, I will have to demolish my grandfather's old house to make room for yours.  That's a lot of trash, and it's not as if I can just burn the wooden parts.  My aunt suggested that I recycle as much as possible, and that would take a slow and systematic demolition.  There's a lot of stone, though.  Anyway!  I'll cross that bridge when I get there inshaAllah.  You just draw yourself up a nice house, OK?

Letter to Erin 20150215

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Erin, what are you doing carrying that guy on your back?  And wearing high heels!  If you were to trip, you would have broken your ankle.  Please don't hurt yourself.  Please please please I love you I love you, you are so beautiful.  I would be mortified if you had hurt yourself.  Please don't hurt yourself.  Please take sweet loving care of yourself, and avoid alcohol and drugs.  I love you, and I need you.

I didn't like hearing that you have a perpetual habit of nip slipping.  I guess it's the part of me that wants you all to myself.  I'm getting a picture in my head of nip slips in rapid succession spraying sand and seawater like machine gun fire and putting peoples eyes out.  AAAAAAARGHHH!!!!  Did you say that they have a mind of their own?  Does that mean that I can paste some form of artificial intelligence on them and control them with an iPad?

You raised a good point when you said that you (or women) are monogamous.  Perhaps you were referring to employment?  I guess that means that men are not.  Well, I can assure you that I don't slut around.  All I do is stay home or go out to shop or blog.  I have no privacy so I wouldn't get away with that, and at the very least my parents can vouch for me.  So women are monogamous?  Have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?

You seem very comfortable with Dan Patrick's gang.  At first they were super nice to you, now it seems they don't know how to behave.  When a man is nice to a woman, it means he wants to pork her.  And if not, he still wants to pork her.  I guess it's the nature of virility, or compensation for the lack thereof.  I'm not trying to justify the nature of men.  I don't even enjoy their company, that's probably why I don't enjoy sports.  I would rather hang out with you.

Letter to Erin 20150213

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Traveling?  Oh, you beautiful little busy bee.  Please take care of yourself, and relax my dear.  And try to enjoy yourself, as much as you can now that you have become a princess.  You are my Rock and Roll princess.  But protocol can be so stifling sometimes, do you agree?  I'm glad my agenda requires me to stand my ground here.  I'm weary of travel, and I want to build a house for you.  I saw you on Olbermann, and Fox & friends.  You are so beautiful, my Erin.  If your video is on Google, you can take it for granted that I will see it.  It's probably easier for your camp to control the content, after all, there's so much garbage on th Internet.  Plus lately, it hasn't been easy for my TV to tune outside of Google.

I'll have you know that I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, so please don't expect a letter from me tomorrow.  Sure some Muslims celebrate Valentine's Day so as to be part of the crowd and market, but not me.  I refuse to join partners with Allah.  It's been a very lonely life, and Allah has been pretty much my only friend, so it matters to me.  You understand that, right?  I hereby declare February 13 as "I don't need one day each year to remind me to love you because I love you every day Day."

It's almost your birthday but I'm still broke, so please don't anticipate your ring just yet.  I'm afraid I have no choice but to live a spiritual lifestyle, so I'll get the money when Allah gives it to me.  Then would come the process of setting up home Internet, getting a camera, and all that blah.  So please forgive me and be patient with me.  Meanwhile, please enjoy being a princess, just don't forget Allah.  And don't forget me, either.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150211

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello Erin, my wonderful sweetheart.  How are you feeling?  I pray you are feeling healthy, and on top of the world.  I saw the video of you and Adriana at that Superbowl thingy, and I must say that you looked beautiful, and that was a beautiful dress you were wearing.  I hope you are having tons of fun, just please remember to take good care of yourself, stay at home if you're not working or need to go out, and maintain your prayers.  You have stepped up now, so please know that you are so important.  You are important to me.  I love you, and I need you.

Let's talk a little about scripted realities.  For example, the Kennedy assassination.  People think that scripted realities are a modern phenomena, but actually they are as old as the human race.  Like when one speaks of being framed, or the cowboys talk about being "railroaded".  Like the tree of Zaqqum, whose roots are embedded in hell, people throughout history persist in abusing their power.  Now that we are so close to Judgement Day in this age of mass media, scripted realities are more dangerous than ever.  If you remain chaste and avoid drugs and alcohol, you will negate most of the tools of evil.  But the bottom line is that only God can protect us adequately.  So please be sincere, stay clean, and pray.  Please protect your emotions, and don't be a hero.  Your role in life is to be the damsel, not the hero.

Letter to Erin 20150209

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

When I was heading back home after blogging my last love letter to you, I was crawling along on my motorcycle at my usual 30 kmh when I was passed by another motorcycle, and the rider was wearing a T-shirt where it was printed on the back, "It's never all about you."  You know, I agree with that.  I kind of lost my attention temporarily, may Allah forgive me for my lapse.

I guess what that motorcycle rider was trying to say to me (whether he meant to or not), is that I need to pay more attention to Allah when I speak.  And that is my purpose, is to draw attention to Allah.  Let Allah be the center of attention.  Let them fear and worship Allah.  It's all about Allah.

What I meant the last time is that you keep popping up on my TV station, and you are the love of my life, so from that perspective, it's all about you.  But it's still all about Allah, because Allah made the situation where we can marry, Allah is the One Who made you love me, and only Allah can grant me the means to give you the best married life.  I give my heart and best to make our connection enhance your business, but it is Allah Who makes it so.  And your money remains yours: I don't want to consume it, and I don't want you to feel any resentment about having to finance our family.  That is MY responsibility, and since it is my responsibility, I cannot feel any resentment for doing so.  And Allah can kill me off at any time.  You would have to walk the world stage without me.

If you are sincerely grateful to Allah for the advantages given to you then please pray.  Actions speak louder here than words or intent.  Don't show off to people.  Lock the door, and pray in private.  Pray for our love and lives together.  I love you, and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20150207

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, you gorgeous girl!  Ah, my beloved, beautiful Erin.  How are you feeling, you precious little sweetheart?  Did you know that you're taking over my TV station?  It used to be the Victoria's Secret channel, now it's the Erin channel.  It's all about Erin.  Because you are MY girl.  I love you, and I need you.

My parents are out of town for a while, so I have less house cleaning to do.  I still have to clean my own house, though.  I hate house cleaning.  I had to iron my pants this morning, too.  I hate ironing, too.  I can't seem to get it right, and it took me half an hour to iron 3 pairs of pants.  I would rather do yard work.  In the evening, I cut the grass around your house. Grass grows quickly here in Malaysia, even though it's the dry season right now.  I don't have enough time to do adequate yard work.  There's so much other stuff to do, plus I need more tools.

It's sirloin steak for dinner!  Plus my Mom have me some sweet corn before she left, so I made some croquettes,  The batter being corn, garlic, onions, egg, milk, salt and pepper.  My Mom has a version of this too.  Hers is more savory.  Perhaps it's because I use milk.  Next time I'll put the salt on after I fry them.  Would you like some?

Qur'an 20150207

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

12.  Truly do you marvel, while they ridicule.

13.  And when they are admonished, pay no heed.

14.  And when they see a Sign, turn it to mockery.

15.  And say, "This is nothing but evident sorcery!"

16.  "What!  When we die and become dust and bones, shall we be raised up?"

17.  "And also our fathers of old?"

18.  Say, "Yes, and you shall then be humiliated."

Those Ranged In Ranks 37:12-18
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Yes, and you shall then be humiliated.

Letter to Erin 20150205

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello again, my beautiful Erin.  How are you feeling today?  I feel you are feeling absolutely great, healthy, and confident.  Because you are MY girl, and I love you, and I need you.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not much of a sports fan.  My favorite sport is Ladies Figure Skating, and I don't really keep up with it.  So I apologize for not knowing when the Superbowl was, which teams competed, and who won.  I do know that the Seahawks was one of them, and the game was in Phoenix.  Please forgive me!  A bigger issue is how you will be able to keep up with the games once we're married inshaAllah.  We're going to have to download the games somehow, or perhaps there might be a satellite feed.  Then I can snuggle with you under one of those huge, colorful blankets and watch the game.  It's too damn hot here to wrap ourselves up in a blanket, but we can crank up the AC.  I'll make pizza and chicken wings.  Go Bears!

Letter to Erin 20150203

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi, sweet beloved Erin.  It's 6:10 am, I'm up early today because performed some additional worship, and I want to go to the market to restock my cooler.  I have one of those ancient coolers which is about 30 years old, that used to belong to my Mom.  I remember using it when I was a kid.  This type of cooler accumulates frost, so right now I'm defrosting it so I can restock it.  I still have a couple of sirloin steaks, so today I definitely want to get some chicken, and perhaps some seafood.  The problem with raw foods is that they need to be processed and portioned before storage, and some foods like shellfish can't be stored.  By the time I get back, I'll be exhausted.

Now it's 4 pm, and I just finished voice training.  This morning I bought 2 kilos of chicken wings, a kilo of chicken breast, and a 2 kilo snapper.  Big fish.  I saw 5 blue marlin at the market.  Wow!  Who would eat that?  Huge fish!  All I would be able to handle is one steak.  I was pretty tired when I got back from the market, after all, I had been up since before 5 am.  But I managed to whip up the energy to process, portion, clean the freezer, then put everything away and clean up.  After that I had my lunch, which was almost a half kilo of snapper sashimi, then I took a nap.  I'm still learning to be a sushi chef, but I'm getting the hang of decorating the plate with fish slices.  I had to coop up the indoors cats all this while, and ---- was bawling her heart out.  She considers herself the most feminine of all the cats, so she cries the loudest and most persistently.  Crying doesn't make you feminine.  Anybody can cry.  ---- was quite pissed off at me for imprisoning her, and she bit my toe when I released her.  After she received her snackipoo, of course.

Erin, I told you before that it's very lonely at the top.  So please be patient, and pray.  And don't despair.  If you despair, it means you have no faith, not just in God, but in our love.  And I love you, Erin.  I will marry you, inshaAllah.  I love you, and I need you.

Qur'an 20150203

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

78.  And he makes comparisons for Us, and forgets his own creation.  He says, "Who can give life to bones and the decomposed?"

79.  Say, "God will give them life, Who created them the first time."  For God is Well-versed in every kind of creation.

Ya Sin 36:78-79
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God will give them life, Who created them the first time.

Letter to Erin 20150202

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ah!  Congratulations on your promotion!  I'm not an avid collector of the SI swimsuit editions, but I know who the girls were, and I'm absolutely sure you are totally deserving of the work, because you are more beautiful than all of them.  You are the most beautiful girl in the world, because you are MY girl.  I hope you won't start wearing a swimsuit all the time, like to the grocery store, or to shovel snow.  I accept that you are under contract to work, but please dress modestly when you are off-duty.  "Off-duty" means that you're not being paid.

It's definitely not snowing here.  It's hot and dry, and the wind is blowing hard.  I spent the evening pruning and chopping down foliage around your house, then dragging them to the burn spot next to the old mango tree, which is in range of the hose.  For dinner it was fried calamari.  I still had all that cuttlefish meat, so I fried up calamari and filled a large plate with a stack of squid 4 inches high.  It's nice to chow down on calamari until you're stuffed, instead of just a wimpy sized appetizer costing 10 bucks.  Ya Allah, thank you for the knowledge and the bounty You have given me.  Want some?

Erin my love.  I love you, and I need you.