Letter to Julia 20120104

Ah, how beautiful you are, my precious beloved Julia. My, you do so love to hide in the wide open, don't you? Well maybe not, but you are good at it. But I recognized you the minute I saw you, Red. I suppose you made it easy for me, huh? Well, I'm really not that smart, so I hope you continue to make it easy for me. I've clearly fallen in love with you. I want us to get married and live happily together in this life and ever after. Please. InsyaAllah.

All this humility I have not yet forgotten all those hard times, and my service to God, insyaAllah. But there are those who claim to be my friends yet are weighed down by their ornaments, so much that they create an object of worship (greed) out of them. I do not represent them, and I cannot represent them as against Allah. It is their own doubt that represents them. Then they resort to materialism. Again. This doubt is then stoked by a person who rationalizes that this materialism is the right path.

Letter to Julia 20120102

Greetings, my beautiful, sexy Julia. It has come to my attention that the 2011-2012 Victoria's Secret fashion show has been aired. I haven't seen it yet. The bandwidth at this Internet cafe can get pretty narrow when it's crowded, and not conducive to watching videos, but I'll try to sit through the whole thing as I blog this my love letter. I am apprehensive to see the show for a few reasons. Firstly, you know that I don't want to stumble upon any bad news. I would rather plead blissful ignorance, and live in my adolescent fantasy world where Julia and I will be happily married without any obstacles whatsoever. I have my fantasies to keep me going! Secondly, I just want my Julia. I don't want to have to wait through all those other acts just to see my girl. And lastly, hey we are supposed to be a deeply spiritual love. I can't have you parading around wearing next to nothing for everybody, when you should be parading around wearing next to nothing only for me. I want you all for me! But I suppose we must do the best we can with the situation Allah gives us.

Letter to Julia 20111231

Happy new year, Julia! Yes, you are my girl, I love you and I want to marry you. You know, I don't blame you for wanting to spend the Christmas and New Year doing things you used to do as a child, because of your memories, and the happy moments you associate with them. Just remember that I cannot be married to a non-Muslim, so you must keep your philosophy and acts of worship sincere and exclusive to Allah. I personally do not associate any happy memories or best days of my life to any public holiday, or birthday even. I find that my best memories happened on days where I don't even remember the date. Those non-descript, average days when God grants me a taste of the perfect feeling. So whenever I have to follow you on your jaunts home for you to spend time with your parents during the holiday season, I would most likely be in retreat at a mosque, or locked up in a room. InsyaAllah, nothing political would happen. Of course, there are Christians and Jews who are righteous and sincere in their devotion to God. But the human condition is set, and corruption is rampant, and I have to guard and purify my own Islam, and you are my wife. Now do you see how expansive the universe is? Now do you see how far-reaching your part is in this human drama?

Let me repeat that I have no intent or desire to travel anywhere ever again except for the following reasons:

1. to Saudi Arabia, to fulfil and complete my Hajj,
2. to Salt Lake City, Utah, USA to keep my promise with the mysterious piano player,
3. to Germany to get my wife Julia, and anywhere with Julia for her sake, for her happiness.

Yeah, I've decided that I'll go to Germany to get you, when Allah permits me to do so. Otherwise, I will just stay here in Perlis, and create music here and not go anywhere, no tours, no traveling at all. Maybe I might go do some shopping, then again maybe not. After all, the quality of the local food supply is very high, and will stay high as long as the environment is clean. Anything else can be imported, insyaAllah. So if anyone wants to hear me channel, with my singing, the ghosts of Karen Carpenter, Billie Holiday, and Janis Joplin by the Will of Allah, then they are just going to have to come here to Perlis. InsyaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20111228

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello Julia, my love. How are you feeling? I pray you are being patient, and trying to slow down, and taking good care of your beautiful self. I assume you have been busy being social during the Christmas and New Year's season, because of the friends, family, and upbringing you have had. I suppose it is easy for me not to celebrate thus season, but not because of the Islam I have. I hardly even celebrate the 2 Eids, other than the prayers and charity. I do enjoy the fasting month of Ramadan, so I guess that is what I celebrate. No, I'm not some stifled up old "fuddy-duddy"- look at my rock and roll past! I'm certainly not an angel or a prophet. I guess I'm merely a rockstar. But I am kinda too lazy to "Mach Schau" for everyone. That's probably one of the reasons why having a fashion show going during my concerts is a good idea. Dance routines have a bad habit of being too damn pagan.

The Qur'an is not here to bring us distress. It is an admonition to those who fear Allah. Life is certainly a trial, and what we feel in the Qur'an to be a hassle, is actually a guidance to the righteous. What if there is that bit of information we need to save our own lives? Or even that bit of information we need to secure an important business? "The most valuable commodity I know of is information, wouldn't you agree?" (from the movie "Wall Street") In the end it is the devil who is the hassle, the trifling annoyance that gets in the way of our happiness, and rewards for our hard work.

Long ago, when Cain killed his brother Abel as an act of jealousy, Allah ordained to the children of Israel that if someone killed a human, other than for murder or the spreading of mischief in the land, then it would be as if that someone killed a whole people. But this did not stop people from commiting evil excesses, and today killing is a numb act of news. What occurs today is part of the countdown to Judgement Day. The Plan of God is to keep the Hour hidden, partly so that the transgressors will increase in iniquity, and the burden of their punishment thereof.

Letter to Julia 20111226

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia. Are you OK, and taking good care of yourself? Don't go showing off now, for there's nothing to show off. Just slow down, and be patient. Do you believe that, like in that old saying, "birds of a feather flock together"? I think it's true to an extent. I do think we suit each other. I'm not sure that good people attract only good people, because life is supposed to be a trial. But I'm absolutely certain that evil people attract evil people, and not necessarily as "allies". Evil is as evil does, even to other evils.

I pray you are eating properly. As my girl, you are automatically an endorser of food products. So don't go showing off. Enjoy, but don't show off. You did not choose Islam: Allah chose Islam for you, and if your relationship with God is sincere, then less and less humans are having an influence on your Islam. But fear God, not people. Anyway, the world is watching you eat. You do understand what is "halal", right? When your knowledge increases, then you must exercise more patience. Allah delineates details of what is forbidden to eat in verse 5:3, as follows:

1. carrion,
2. blood,
3. the flesh of swine,
4. food on which has been invoked the name of other than Allah,
5. that which has been killed by strangling, or by a violent blow, or by being gored to death, and that which has been partially eaten by a wild animal unless the meat was able to be slaughtered in due form,
6. that which is sacrificed on altars,
7. division made by gambling.

This verse is not the same as the other verses I printed for you in terms of detail. That is because Allah is being Lenient to those who are learning how to practise Islam. Seafood is exempt from the above conditions, as long as it's still good and pure. If any is forced by hunger, with no inclination to transgression, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, most Merciful. Now, when something is printed as "halal" on the label, it usually follows the above details. But couples like us are on the edge, so we find ourselves in the above 7 scenarios more often than not. Study the Qur'an SLOWLY, seek protection with Allah from the influence of the devil, and say "In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful" before the first bite.

You are most certainly the center of attention, aren't you? I like to hide, personally. I'm sorry I can't be there with you to shower you with love, and help protect you, but I'll do the best I can from where I am, until we are well and properly married to each other, insyaAllah. God is the best to help and protect, anyway. If you are sincere about increasing your knowledge, then know this: Muslims know that Allah is above the need to have a son.

Letter to Julia 20111224

Hi Julia! Did you miss me? I miss you, my love. I long for us to be married, and be with each other all the time in love and happiness in this life, as well as the hereafter. Ya Allah, please grant us that. It's nearly 3 years since I proposed to you. I don't remember exactly when I posted my proposal, but I'm sure you and your friends remember. All I know is that I didn't have enough wealth to give you and our children a good life, and I still don't. It's not your fault, Julia. You're just a girl. But you're MY girl. InsyaAllah, God will grant me the means soon to free you from your constraints, so we can be happily married.

I've been so exhausted lately, I don't know why. Usually I go to sleep at midnight, then wake up at 3am, do about an hour's worship, then stay awake until the Fajr prayer at 6am, then go back to sleep until about 9 or 10am everyday, without an afternoon nap, for a total of 6 to 7 hours daily. But yesterday, I fell asleep right after Asr, woke up for sunset, slept again at midnight, did only 20 minutes worship at 3:30am and slept again, woke up for Fajr at 6:30, then passed out until 10:30am. That's about 10 hours sleep. I feel kind of out of it even now. Well, we can't be all sprightly and chipper 100% of the time, can we? I'm sure there are some days when you aren't all your usual enthusiastic self. That's OK, sweetie. I love you all the same.

My parents gave me a little money recently for doing yard work, so I bought some food. I got some sushi fixings, while I was buying my axe! Well, there was a grocery store next door. I also bought some fresh cod at the night market, it came with some roe. The Japanese like to douse their sushi rice with vinegar, but I can't handle a lot of vinegar- it hurts my stomach. So I rolled my sushi with plain rice, cod slices marinated in light soy sauce, cod roe, roasted peppers, fried egg, and green onion shoots. It tasted sweet, almost like a dessert! For some reason, it attracted mosquitoes. You know, those blood sucking insects. I couldn't find any wasabi, so I used sambal belacan instead. That's a Malay condiment, which is a hot pepper sauce, sort of. Want some sushi?

Qur'an 20111224

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

73. When Our Clear Signs are rehearsed to them, the unbelievers say to those who believe, "Which of the two sides is best in position? Which makes the best show in council?"

74. But how many generations before them have We destroyed, who were even better in equipment and in glitter to the eye?

73. Say, "If any go astray, the Compassionate One extends to them until, when they see the warning of Allah, either in punishment or in The Hour, they will at length realise who is worst in position, and weakest in forces!"

Mary 19:73-75
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If any go astray, the Compassionate One extends to them until, when they see the warning of Allah, either in punishment or in The Hour, they will at length realise who is worst in position, and weakest in forces!