Letter to Julia 20130327

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Julia.  How are you, luv?  I went to the dentist yesterday.  Did you know?  It was a minor filling: one of my back teeth is longer than the rest.  The dentist was more interested in that major filling I got 4 weeks ago.  It almost seemed like... politics.  Anyway, I got the impression that they didn't want to work on my teeth unless I'm in pain.  Private dentists don't give me that attitude.  But I guess I get what I pay for. 

I suppose I'm not completely free of cronyism.  The mysterious piano player and his sister have been part of Shadowplay history for many decades already.  But he really is a darned good pianist.  And I often eat at my brother's restaurant, but that doesn't mean I would have him play lead guitar in my band.  I've always tried to keep Shadowplay made of the best musicians possible, but it didn't always work out that way.  Then being alone and forced to do everything myself changed everything.  MashaAllah, I became better at guitar, bass, drums, singing, and production.  But I didn't want to be ostracized.  Apart from the lynch mobs, I guess I could have been more political.  But I'm a musician, not a politician.

But even old friends like the mysterious piano player and his sister are stuck in their own lives and circumstances, that they can allow no room for themselves in the massiveness mashaAllah that is Shadowplay.  I can't even talk to them regularly.  Again, the person I speak with most is.... you.

Letter to Julia 20130325

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there, my beautiful beloved Julia.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are healthy and confident.  I have made a promise to marry you my love, and inshaAllah I intend to keep my promise, as time ticks on.  I'm sorry that I'm so poor as to not be able to give you your beautiful married life right now.  Please forgive me, I feel really bad about that.  But I can only wait for Allah to provide me the means.  I simply cannot have you marry into my poverty.  You must understand, I can only consider your well-being.  I cannot take any other position than to put your well-being into priority.  Please forgive me, Julia.  I love you so much.  I'm so sorry that I'm so poor.

I understand what Allah commands me to do with was is given to me, is to stand my ground here, and please Allah with music.  As my wife, you must accept this.  Plus, the situation gives us the excuse to stay in one place, stick to each other, and raise our family.  Sure, I live in the supernatural, but I'm also scientific, practical and compassionate inshaAllah, because I study the Qur'an.  Certainly those who reject the Qur'an will meet their punishment in the hereafter, as well as the less than century that is their meager lifespan.  Just as certain that  the old arrogant routines and cronyism of entertainment and mass media have become unprofitable.

Letter to Julia 20130323

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beloved.  I wanted to come in and do a little Internet work on Thursday, but I had to take Chee Cheah to the vet.  The vet won't let me feed her any more cheap cat food.  My Mom gets cat food at a deal, for RM5 a kilo.  But the vet said I can't feed Chee Cheah any more of that cheap stuff.  She can only eat the very best cat food.  Bat Cat is a little easier to feed.  He likes whole fish, raw.  He chows down on the head first, slurps up the guts, then eats the body and tail last.  Fish prices can spike for whatever reason, so I got a mild shock when I bought half a kilo this morning.  But it's all right, especially after I saw his love offering on the driveway: a dead mouse.

I suppose I'm going to have to sign some contracts to get any real money so I can afford to marry my Julia and buy musical instruments and computer equipment, inshaAllah.  But I can't compromise my agenda to please Allah with music.  And I can't travel for the sake of the contract.  I have to stand my ground here in Perlis.  So I will be reading and analyzing whatever contract before I sign anything.  InshaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20130320

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh hi, Julia.  How are you, Sweetie?  I stayed at home and grilled squid yesterday, so I didn't go to work on the Internet.  I just stayed on front of the grill, and ate squid as I grilled it.  It was delicious!  Want some?  Oh, I already ate all of it!

So I just stay at home by my lonesome, waiting for Allah to bring us together in this life, as well as the Hereafter.  I take care of my parents who live next door to some extent, but they know that I've been quite the hermit ever since I was a kid, so we don't gab a lot.  It's difficult to talk to parents about everything.  The person I talk the most with is.... you.  It's probably because I love you, and I want to marry you.

So I am a recluse.  I'm not close to my siblings, and out of the friends I've made in the past, I only made a promise of return to the mysterious piano player and his sister.  I have a business agreement for 3 cds on consignment with CD Baby since 1998, but I haven't received a penny from them for that, so you can't expect me to have much respect for that relationship.  After all, what matters to a musician is the money received as opposed to the money lost along the way, right?  I think I'll just sell cds at a stall here in the kampung than to ever do business with a record company ever again.  I'll make more money that way!

But I am a recluse.  I don't talk to anybody.  Even when I go out to eat, I order my food and eat quietly.  Anyone who claims to have a connection or business with me other than those I just mentioned is fraudulent.  They must have a contract.

Letter to Julia 20130318

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh Julia, my dearest heart.  How are you feeling today?  I pray you are healthy and confident.  I'm feeling so drained today.  I'm so tired.  My feet are lemons.  Sorry, no kickboxing matches between us today.

I need to remind everyone that I am not a prophet.  I'm not an angel.  I've wandered far before I found Allah, and I have a BAD reputation.  And now I'm can only try my best to please Allah.    If the people need a role model, then they should emulate prophet Muhammad (peace be on him).  If they need someOne to worship, then they should worship Allah.  I am merely a rock star.  You are a supermodel.  You are my wife, inshaAllah.

Please understand and remember that perfect happiness is impossible in this life.  Perfection is a reward in the next life.  But if we work and have faith, perhaps Allah will grant us an easy and happy life, then a place together in heaven.  You are my girl Julia, and I love you.

Letter to Julia 20130316

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Gah!  It never fails: all it takes is for Bat Cat to not be at home for one night, and the mice know he's not here and start coming to the house.  Then I have to chase them with a stick and personally whomp them.  Chee Cheah is a useless mouser.  She doesn't even stir from her slumber, even though I make a lot of noise chasing the mice.  What to do?  Bat Cat is a male kampung cat, and he has to wander around the kampung until he gets his fill.  But I love my cats.  Ya Allah, please protect and heal Chee Cheah and Bat Cat, and give them long, happy lives.

Certainly it is difficult to get a TV show started, then maintain it.  Even with a magnificent situation like this, right between East and West in a polyglot country, and Islam.  There is much work that needs to be done.  Not just to get the location studio organized, staffed and financed, but to research and negotiate the guests, products and services to be plugged on the show, then create the timetable, then promotion.  It is not my place to do all that, and not just because I'm lazy and refuse to travel.  I'm also ignorant.

InshaAllah, what I need is a desk just like Johnny Carson's, with a computer on the desk so I can Google it up if I don't know who the hell my guest is and what he/she is trying to sell.  Or the producer can just IM me.  I'm also very fussy about vocal quality for live performances and recordings.  I don't want my voice to be equalized (or EQ'd) whether it be on the mains or monitors, I like to stay on the edge of feedback (feedback is a musical instrument, did you know that?), and I don't like to use a windscreen for my SM57.  I will be a f***ing diva if the sound engineer doesn't conform to my demands.

Then of course, I want you to work with me.  To sit beside me.  To handle the sports figures and the fashion elements while I sip my coffee or tea.  But we have to be properly married first.  I love you, Julia.

Letter to Julia 20130313

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I grilled a fish yesterday.  Oh, it's not a big deal: they were selling those huge hardtail scads at the night market on Monday, so I always get one whenever I can.  They don't show up at the market in that size all that often, so I buy one whenever they do.  But the process of grilling a fish is sooo involved, and time consuming.  I had to get the stuffing done the night before, otherwise I wouldn't be able to eat the fish until after the afternoon prayer the next day.  So, I had the peel 2 coconuts, take them to be grated, borrow my Mom's blender to blend the grated coconut, then cook up the stuffing, which had onions, garlic, lemongrass, and chilli paste.  While that was cooking, I gutted and filleted the fish from the inside without breaking the skin, so I could stuff the fish like a sausage.  I put them in the cooler for the next day.  The next day, I had to buy more charcoal, and I stopped by the day market to buy some beef for steak at the same time.  There were a couple of ingredients I forgot yesterday like limes and cilantro, so I picked those up as well.

It seems like almost a religious experience grilling my fish, huh?  Praise Allah!  A costly one at that, and just for one fish.  When I was grilling it, the atmosphere became silent: my parents stayed quietly in their bedroom, and there wasn't a cat or a bird in sight.  There were only a couple of ants running around at top speed.  Oh, the fish tasted good.  You want some?  I have some leftover in the cooler.  Tastes better hot.  Next, I have to do some ironing.  Oh Julia, I HATE ironing!  Can I please go to work in an unironed shirt?  Please?