The food business

 

By the way Grace, I know how to cook.  Bet you can't!  Don't worry Honey, I will manage the food when we marry inshaAllah.  All you have to do is heat things up.  That, and the dishes.  I had to pay for being a musician when I was younger, so I spent many years at the pizza joint.  I also seemed to have a knack for creative dishes.  Not in the sense of making food that looks pretty, but making great dishes from mediocre ingredients.  Today I have to blend some boiled soybeans into a fermented miso for my ramen.  I love ramen!  This is my own recipe of miso I make from local ingredients. Can't find this in Japan!

Anyway, my endorsement in the food business carries some weight, inshaAllah.  That also means people are very interested in what you eat, since you are MY girl.  So try often to post snapshots of what you're eating.  Just don't get bloated.  And try to avoid sugar.

The Waiting

 

Oh hi, Grace.  What's up?  I'm just hanging out, waiting to see what you would do.  If you didn't notice, the entertainment industry is all about waiting around.  I've been waiting for marriage for decades already.  The waiting wouldn't be so bad for you, because you have your guitar and Mary sings for you everyday.

Movie night

 

Lol Howard said it right, Grace.  You are guitar porn!  Oh dear, you better not go too far in that direction.  The first thing people would forget is the guitar.  And you do play a lot of notes.  But we love you.  That's what playing live is all about, love.  The people who love you.  Love is also hate and jealousy, that's why live shows have become so dangerous.

It's movie night!  Watch a movie with me!  Crossroads (1986).  Sorry Grace, but this movie made me cringe.  I watched the whole thing, but I wanted it to end so bad.  First off, music is not religion, but knowledge: either intellectual like a person who fluently reads and plays from transcriptions, or emotional like what Mary does.  Like what you do, Grace.  What you do with that knowledge is spiritual.  This movie does portray that.  But poverty and homelessness isn't romantic nor glamorous: it sucks.  I suppose it does make you appreciate music, but it's not necessary.  Whatever happens, don't ever turn to the enemies of God for help and protection.

Whoops, I slipped!  Your next gig is Knoxville, then Bear Shadow!  If you go, that will confirm you don't really give a shit about being married to me, and I will start looking somewhere else for a wife.  I'm not the devil, Honey.  I'm the demolition man, and I want to marry you.  Oh, but she wants to be a star!  She already is a star.  What she really wants is to be idolized, and THAT is the devil's way.  Don't you care about your band, Honey?  If you kept them streaming and away from the venue, not only would you help keep them away from trouble but also give them a living.  Sure, they would die for you...  Is that what you want?

Endorsement

 

Before you met me Grace, they endorsed you.  When you are MY girl, you endorse them.  Be sure you sincerely like the product you endorse, don't just "be nice".  Be lenient with Gibson.

Bear Shadow is your next scheduled gig. If you go, that confirms you don't really give a shit about being married to me, and I will start looking somewhere else for a wife.

Book review

 

You have balls, Grace.  I'll give you that.  But you forget the advantage of being the woman.  Rock and Roll is a dangerous business.  Like the cliché goes, you don't need to go looking for trouble, trouble comes to you.  My orders are to stand my ground, and be ready.  But Allah agrees with you.  Cancel all the other live gigs in venues, or I will find another wife if you're going to disobey me and get yourself killed.

I hardly do book reviews.  Actually, I NEVER do book reviews.  Except for Vogue.  How did I get mixed up with the fashion business?  That's because I wanted to marry some models.  You can sift through this blog to see exactly how my love life was, it's all recorded here right from 2008, although I don't why anyone would bother, but I'm sure someone does.  It's the Internet, after all.  And I'm still unmarried.  So I busied myself in fashion business.  What I did was go through the list of fashion designers on Vogue's website, then put them in competition with each other.  After all, they are in competition with each other anyway, right?  After a couple of years, Vogue started to hide names from me.  Then they tried to charge me for using their data, that's when I quit the fashion business.  But they still have my email, and eventually Anna Wintour herself emailed me.  I don't know why but I like Anna, even though she is not reputed to be likeable.  I think it's because I have a cat named Anna.  Thus I do these reviews of Vogue magazine.  Anna, please do a feature on my Grace.  Dress her up super feminine and sophisticated, but don't mess too much with her hair.  And she doesn't have many clothes.  She needs more clothes.

Anyway, here's my review of US Vogue magazine, May 2024.  Best outfit goes to that wedding dress thingy that Zendaya is wearing by Schiaparelli haute couture.  That simple white dress by Victoria Beckham for Mango is very nice.  Very elegant is the dress by Vetements by Guram Gvasalia worn by Elizabeth Debicki.  Those fringed shorts by Tom Ford that Kendall wears is very cute.  The bug jewelry from Van Cleef and Arpels is pretty.  Balmain’s Eden Flower heels are breathtaking.  This issue of Vogue magazine is gorgeous to look at, which is the point of a fashion magazine.

EXCEPT

The ad for the Vogue podcast is a complete eyesore.  The layout is bad, the photography is bad, the girls look bad and dress awfully. The entire ad looks like it smells bad.  This is the same ad that I saw in the January issue, also on the Vogue website.  Vogue should be ashamed for repeatedly putting such crap among the rose petals.  It's probably laziness.

Also, tell those bankers to pay more and provide a more relevant ad if they wanted to be in Vogue.

Recap

 

Grace, I pray that God gives you a magnificent dowry from me, that you will live in luxury.  Please keep streaming with Mary everyday, as it is now your livelihood more than any other live show can be.  When you get enough money inshaAllah, take your Mom to a jewelry store and buy a nice ring.  Then show me that ring on your finger, and I will go get one for myself to confirm our commitment.  My ring won't be as nice as yours.  It will probably be gaudy, the cheap ones usually are.  Or maybe just a stainless steel band with your name on it.

InshaAllah I will build a house and bring you here to be a Muslim wife.  In Islam, women keep their names when they marry, so you will always be Grace Bowers.  Our anniversary is April 28.  Your responsibility is to protect your chastity and your body.  Keep healthy, get exercise, stay clean including keeping away from alcohol and smoke.  Don't get bloated!  Be very careful when you travel.  Rock stars and aircraft don't mix.  I noticed your going to Bear Shadows on May 11.  That lineup looks like strangers to you to me, plus you get last billing.  I don't want you to go to any more obscure gigs that put you in danger, whether they be in the city or in the sticks.  You've nothing more to gain from them.  Musically, you are turning into them.  Playing live at a venue is a dead end, Grace!  That New Year's Eve show is as good as it's going to get for you.  It was bait.   

Grace, I want you to cancel all live shows and just stream from your bedroom, away from physical contact, away from danger.  Better things will come inshaAllah.  Lisa, the craziness can't be controlled!  All it takes is ONE mistake, and Grace is gone!  Ya Allah, please protect my wife.  I'm trying to save her life and her love for music, will she listen to me?  What good is a beautiful young wife when she's dead?

I don't know how long things will take, Grace.  Just keep playing music everyday.  After all, it's all the same day.  You have given me a glimpse of happiness, even though I can't seem to play guitar properly anymore.

I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the rejected.

53.  Say, "Spend willingly or unwillingly, not from you will it be accepted, for you are indeed a people rebellious and wicked."

The Repentance 9:53

Coffee!

 

New York!  Never been there, don't wanna go either.  I prefer the country.  But you look positively stunning, Grace.

Yeah, Mary's voice can put you in a coma.  That's why people rely on her to fall asleep.  Well it's only 2 hours, Grace.  At least you don't have to sing.  Folks, tell her to drink coffee, stay awake, do her job and do it well.  She's a fucking Rock Star representing the good ol' US of A, for God's sake.  She can put whatever the fuck she wants to the singing.  Just be alert!

I love you, Grace.  You're my girl, of course I'm going to be easy on you.  But I want you to have a substantial dowry.  Plus the crowd is much stricter than me, so please play their music for them alertly.  Do the entire 2 hours every night, professional musician.

I have a feeling you don't like to be kissed.  I don't like to be kissed, either.  Not by Kiss, at least.