Letter to Erin 20160427

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

What is home?  For women and children, it is easy for you to return home to your mother.  But I am a 50 year old man.  For me to say that I want to go home to my Mommy is simply freakish.  It just doesn't sound right.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my mother with all my heart but a man needs a place to call his own, a family to call his own.  You are my family, and I am your home inshaAllah.  I love you and I need you.  Ya Allah, please help me.

This morning I went to pay my power bill.  At the same time, I stopped by the Tuesday market down the road and picked up a kilo of shrimp.  Big shrimp, good price.  I think they're farmed shrimp.  I also went downtown to the main market, and got more tofu and won ton skins.  So lunch was obviously fried won tons stuffed with shrimp.  It was a late lunch, because I spent a lot of time processing shrimp.  I had to cut off the moustaches, separate to heads from the bodies, then shell the shrimp for the won tons.  I love shrimp heads, they're great for flavor and for stuffing.  But don't stuff won tons with them!  Stuffed won tons should be light in flavor, so you can't use beef or chicken.  Seafood white meat only, clam meat is OK.  I made 43 won tons.  No, I didn't eat them all in one sitting.  I saved a few for my dinner, which was a block of tofu swimming in thick curry, with won tons.

In the evening, I trimmed the scrub over at your house inshaAllah.  The army ants attacked my balls again, so I had to douse them with pesticide again.  Then I dug up a tapioca for my Mom.  It was HUGE!  I love you, Mom!

Letter to Erin 20160426

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I've mentioned this before, that as my wife you are automatically an endorser of food products.  You might as well take advantage of this privilege, and enjoy the tastes of the world, have dinner parties, eat with your friends at good restaurants, and spend lots of time at the supermarket.  Why, you can even get your agent to arrange endorsements.  It doesn't matter if you know how to cook or not.  Just eat what you like, and don't eat what you don't like.  Of course, if you learn how to cook you will have more power.  And of course, no one wants you to get bloated, least of all me, but I'm sure you know your limit.  You're a professional, right?  Just keep it halal, please.

For example, you know how much I like buffalo wings.  That's hot chicken wings, folks.  A throwback from the pizza days.  I used to eat suicide wings!  Nowadays I got my home made hot sauce which is milder than suicide wings but just as tasty, and at one point I was eating chicken wings every week, a kilo at a time.  Yeah, man-sized portions.  Then suddenly, nobody would sell me chicken wings.  "I don't have chicken wings."  "Those wings come with the chicken."  "I don't have enough to give you."  All sorts of excuses.  But tonight at the night market, blessings rained upon me.  After one guy refused to sell me chicken wings, 5 minutes later another stall popped out of nowhere stacked chest high with chicken, and the guy said "Yeah, I'll sell you chicken wings."  Yeah!  Looks like hot wings this week, Gorgeous Babes!

I bought some chicken rice at the night market for dinner.  Lunch was an eggplant and cheese omelet with hash browns.  Looks like diner food, huh?  I should have left the ketchup in the photo.  Come on over for chicken wings, Babe!  Gorgeous!  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160425

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Antonia, I'm afraid I cannot offer you a proposal with dowry until I have married Erin, and she has settled down in her new house, and if I can afford it, gives me written permission to have a second wife.  Until then, the best I can offer you is an endorsement as a potential second wife.  InshaAllah it would be very helpful to your career, because after all the endorsement of an athlete does not generate much or any revenue for a modeling or acting career.  My source tells me that you are in an oppressive relationship.  Has he hit you?  I can take you as a wife, but like I said Erin has priority.  What you need to do is to stop carrying trash with you wherever you go.  Dump it.

I'm the last to get paid.  I have yet to get paid.  I remember working in a restaurant, my job was to make sure the dough was the same every time, among other things.  The money I received from cooking I put into the music, to generate music, to keep the music alive.  Nowadays it's the music that's making money, but I haven't received any of it yet.  Yes I know I must be patient, and I am grateful that Allah chose me to bear this music.  I don't want your hard earned money.  It is my responsibility to finance our marriage, so I ask you to please love me and be patient with me until Allah grants me the means to pay for our marriage.

I don't know what happiness is.  Allah has provided me by inspiration this direction, that perhaps I may find happiness in marriage.  I love you and I need you.

Please make a donation of a minimum of one US dollar or one Euro to a worthwhile charity.

Qur'an 20160425

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

77.  Haven't you turned your vision to those who were told to restrain their hands, but establish regular prayers and spend in regular charity?When the order for fighting was issued to them, behold!  A section of them feared humans as, or even more than, they should have feared Allah.  They said, "Our Lord!  Why have You ordered us to fight?  Would You not grant us respite to our term, soon?"  Say, "Short is the enjoyment of this world.  The hereafter is the best for those who do right: never will you be dealt with unjustly in the very least!"

78.  Wherever you are, death will find you out, even if you are in towers built up strong and high!  If some good befalls them, they say, "This is from Allah."  But if evil, they say, "This is from you."  Say, "All things are from Allah."  But what has come to these people that they fail to understand a single fact?

(The Women 4:77-78)
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Letter to Erin 20160424

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I'm grateful for your body too, Sweetie.  I will more grateful when you are with me inshaAllah, and I get to inspect your body closely.  You are beautiful.  Please don't lose your sweetness, now that you're becoming wiser and metropolitan.  Ya Allah, please protect my family and keep us strong and healthy.  Did you enjoy that bubble bath, by the way?  You looked angry to me.  People don't normally soak for a long time in hot baths here in the tropics.  Fungus.

Nothing out of the ordinary going on here.  Well it rained today, which is a big deal when there's been a drought.  I made a tofu and cheese omelet with the clam broth from yesterday.  It tasted great, but it wasn't photogenic so I don't have a picture to show you.  I got impatient and folded it over too soon.  Right now, I'm watching "How jet engines work" on TV.  Now that you both are globetrotting, please be safe and don't take unnecessary risks, OK?  I love you and I need you.

Letter to Erin 20160423

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi Beautiful!  I'm writing this letter later than usual.  I had a late dinner, then I went to join the congregation for the night prayer. then as I was getting settled to write this letter, the cats chased a mouse into my bedroom and it hid behind my very heavy chest of drawers.  At first I tried to get it out with a long flat piece of metal.  I got to squeak a few times, but it didn't budge.  So I resorted to brute force and slammed the chest of drawers into the wall, then moved it outwards and found the mouse as flat as a pancake in the corner.  I guess death was instantaneous.

Now that I'm soaked in sweat, how are you my love?  My beloved wife inshaAllah?  Are you feeling absolutely great?  Since you're traveling around, I believe it's safe to assume that mashaAllah, people know that you're my girl.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad in London and if your bosses could afford an armed guard it would be OK, but if you're in the Middle East then I don't want you to go wandering around.  But please do try to have fun when you visit the Land of Make Believe.  Please keep safe, because I love you and I need you.  I haven't been in England since I was a small kid, but I do remember more now.  For some reason I remember my street address (114 Ifield Road, London SW10), I remember fireworks on Guy Fawkes day, I remember having an Irish friend named Rifle.  Yeah.  I remember making toy guns with Lego bricks.  I remember Black Jacks and Rowntree's Fruit Gums.  I remember going to Manchester and finding an Airfix shop.  I remember shopping in London with my Mom, then getting lost and miraculously finding my mother again.  I guess kids can remember a lot of things.

Yes ma'am, I won't let them in inshaAllah.  But did you want me to wear a muscle tee?  I thought you hated muscle tees.  My Dad bought me some clams this morning.  This type was "Snails of a Thousand Brains".  He said that they were bottom of the barrel, but there were still some good ones in there.  With clams, I always separate the meat from the broth immediately.  I used the meat to stuff won tons for dinner.  I didn't get much broth though.  Maybe I'll use that for my omelet tomorrow.  For lunch I had a block of tofu with my Mom's beef soup.  Hungry?

Letter to Erin 20160422

  In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Let me tell you a couple of things I know about Jesus Christ (peace be on him).  I've talked about this before.  Jesus Christ (peace be on him) was sent to the Jews as prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) was sent to the Arabs.  The purpose of the return of Jesus Christ (peace be on him) is to kill the Antichrist (in Arabic known as the "Dajjal").  All this action will take place in the Middle East.  Can any one of you brainy beauties guess which city did prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) say that Jesus Christ (peace be on him) will make his return?

Malaysia achieved its independence from Britain in 1957.  When I was small, I lived in London for a couple of years.  My Dad got his law degree in London, and he took the whole family along.  I don't remember much because I was small, except Cilla Black, the Carpenters, and waiting for my Dad to stop by and say hello on his way to classes while I was cooped up in a nursery school.  Cilla gave me an idea a few years ago about doing a regular concert/talk show for TV syndication.  Sounds profitable, but who's going to produce it?  My primary concern is to please Allah with music.

Yesterday evening I was cutting the grass by the roadside, and I just finished the length of your house inshaAllah when my trusty old weed whacker died.  Well, I guess if it died then it's not so trusty.  I took it to the mechanic this morning, and I was able to finish what I started just now.  I took a photo of how dry the rice fields are.  While I was taking the photo, a crow was watching me from a nearby tree and panting like a thirsty dog.  I couldn't catch him on camera, though.  Nothing special on the menu today.  Just leftovers, leftovers.  Dinner was leftover chili with a sunny side up egg on top a block of fresh tofu, to be eaten with a loaf of bread.  Want some?  I love you and I need you.