Letter to Julia 20120321

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

I hope you're not going around telling people what's lawful or unlawful in Islam when you don't really know, or worse if you made it up. If people need guidance, then guide them to the Qur'an, or to a legitimate imam or teacher. You are a supermodel, not an imam. You and I are still learning the Qur'an, and how our lives pertain to it. The Qur'an is to be learned slowly, so please work on your own heart, and take your time, before you would tell others what to do in the name of Allah.

Anyway, squid. Yes, instead of buying half a kilo of mackerel, I found a pretty fair deal on half a kilo of squid at only RM2 more. They were kind of smallish, but I had half a kilo to work with. After all, squid tastes like squid, and more squid tastes squiddier, right? Well, maybe. Have you ever had squid jerky? Now, that really tastes like squid. A cowboy once told me that squid jerky tastes almost like chicken. Anyway, fresh squid SHRINKS when cooked. One wouldn't think so when eating deep-fried calamari rings, but when I stuffed my squid with fried eggplant and cream cheese, the squid squirted it all out when cooked, and turned my broth into a sickly looking white. It tasted OK, but it looked like hell. Meanwhile, the bigger squid shrunk to the size of half a pinkie, while the small ones shrunk to the size of a thumbtack. I thought I would tie the tops up with toothpicks, but I didn't have any. Lesson learned. Next time, I'll buy the big (and more expensive) squid, and stuff squid only with squid.

But it is always better to prepare your own food, and from the freshest ingredients. Given our position and who we are, certainly we are aware that we have no privacy. But it's not just cameras and microphones pointed at us. Observe again how numerous the cases are of celebrities who die in their own homes, or during their daily routines. In the name of "entertainment". But the warning is from Allah: that the war against evil is real, and we must make the effort to oppose evil, and not simply lie down and let them overwhelm us. Seek protection with Allah against evil, for strong as the others may be, the Strongest is Allah.

Letter to Julia 20120319

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

YOOOOLIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!

How are you today, my love? I'm sure you are staying busy as usual. I pray you are eating properly and maintaining your prayers. I've been on sort of a diet, well, mostly because I've had less money for ingredients. I need to spend more time on the Internet, just "being there", y'know. Work, work, work. Also, I've been adding more time to my rehearsals. Trying to push that stamina, y'know. Call me Karen Carpenter, I suppose.

I sure don't look like her. You look like her more than I do, but much healthier of course. Singing-wise, I relate most to Karen over the others. We're both Pisces, if you believe in that shit. But besides that, we both have soft, resonant voices, although mine is bassier even at the same pitch. I couldn't always capture Karen: I was once a screamer type screecher. But I mellowed out. Then I knew that I had access to Karen years ago, but I didn't have any control until Allah allowed me to stay on the bridge between 1st and 2nd voices (to the amateur, it is between real and falsetto voices). Once one is able to stay on the bridge, then all voices are real, and none is falsetto. The secret to chick singer vocals! Of course it goes deeper than that, namely the purity of emotion. That too is a gift from Allah, also known as spiritual enlightenment, or it can be, as in Karen's case, natural ability.

Of course, she lost a lot of strength from overwork and dieting, but there's nothing anyone could have done about that. That was between her and God. Fame drains, but so many people crave it. Could there be something sinister involved? So many celebrities are found dead in a similar way as Karen and Janis, face down in a bedroom. Evil abounds, but Judgement Day is more than real enough to pay back acts of evil. Until then, we Muslims are commanded to defend ourselves only when we are unjustly attacked. And certainly Karen could afford to buy herself the best ingredients, and so can you, I'm sure. If you don't feel like cooking, then go out to eat at a nice restaurant with your buddies. I think tonight I'll go to the night market and buy some fish, white meat and produce.

Letter to Julia 20120317

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi beloved! I have this feeling that you are somewhat pleased with me, I don't know what I did... it's just a feeling. Am I correct? I hope I do please you, oh Julia, because I do love you with all my heart and I want to marry you, but I am so swept away with this tide of music, and I'm so, so poor, that I don't know how to please you. I can only pray that Allah will grant us happiness together in this life, as well as the hereafter. If you are happy with me, it's because Allah made you love me, so I can only try to please Allah, even though no human could ever notice nor grasp the work I do for God. Ya Allah, please accept my work and worship.

It's very difficult for me to sing Janis Joplin. While it is true that only Janis can sing Janis, for me to mirror her singing is very exhausting. For one, she is out of my physical range, because I am not a small woman from Texas. Another thing is that she always talks about her man, and I absolutely cannot relate to that, so about 70% of her material is unsingable for me because of the lyrics. Another issue is that I can't relate to Janis in general: it's very, very rare that I get the right feeling when singing Janis, and oddly enough it's when I'm most apathetic. Sometimes I actually hate singing Janis, and feel relieved when the randomizer doesn't choose Janis during rehearsal. The final problem is that when I do sing Janis, she completely overwhelms the other singers I have to mirror, that my voice becomes warped. For example, Janis just stomps all over Karen Carpenter. Why don't I just NOT sing Janis? I sing Janis because I am compelled to do so, that it is the right thing to do. I can't explain it. After all, Allah is the Only One who can raise the dead.

So remember never to call on any other god besides Allah. Identify yourself with your Islam, and our marriage to each other. Please put your faith and trust in Allah, that Allah will supply us with what we need for our happiness together in this life and the hereafter. I am waiting for you, this old soldier who loves you, and will continue to wait until Allah allows us to be with each other at last.

Qur'an 20120317

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

213. So call not on any other god with Allah, or you will be among those under the Penalty.

214. And admonish your nearest kinsmen.

215. And lower your wing to the believers who follow you.

216. Then if they disobey you say, "I am free from what you do!"

217. And put your trust on the Exalted in Might, the Merciful.

The Poets 26:213-217
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Letter to Julia 20120314

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Isn't Doris Day just an awesome singer? Well, when she was young. She was truly a great singer, a very versatile singer. She could whisper like Karen Carpenter, then pierce like a bullet the way Janis Joplin did. Do you agree with me that she was beautiful, too? It's very rare that a great female singer be physically beautiful. After all, a singing voice of sorrow and suffering, a voice that is considered beautiful, could only come from an ugly woman. But sorrow and suffering was not her trademark, rather Doris is a survivor. And a movie star. Her life was like a movie. And she was able to bear a child, another rarity for a great singer. Her son Terry was a record producer, and was the target for Charles Manson when he rejected Manson's music. Do you know Charles Manson? He was a cultist serial killer who dropped by Terry's house one night to kill him, but Terry wasn't home, so he killed everyone else there instead. I hope I got the story right, Doris!

Anyway, I'm sizing up this little house for renovations. Ya Allah, please bless our home! I do so prefer small houses Julia, and I love this humble little home. I'm planning for a (comparatively) spacious master bedroom, with an office for me, and an entire room for your wardrobe/office, with your own bathroom, and washer/dryer. Clean your own bathroom, Julia! There will be 2 smaller bedrooms for the kids... how many kids are you planning to have, dearest? Hopefully, the kids won't take up our offices. The kitchen will be combined with the dining room. The living room would be rather small, for you to receive your friends, because I don't have any friends: you're not planning on having huge indoor parties, are you? Any partying will have to be done in the garden, my love. No need for extravagance, my dearest! We will have very little privacy because of who we are, so let's be together all the time, shall we? When I get the money, I will get started, and I will update you on the progress as time goes by. InsyaAllah! Please be patient, and pray!

Letter to Julia 20120312

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Oh, my dearest, beautiful, precious, beloved Julia! I'm so sorry I stayed away for so long, did you miss me? I certainly missed you, because I love you with all my heart, and I want to marry you. It's just that the Internet needed me too much, so much that it wanted to control my actions and decisions without pay or contract, so I had to stay away for a few days. But I've said this many times before: they don't need me. God is Who they need. Besides, I remember back in 2008 some parties saying, "Bring it on!" Another issue about need, is how can I help supply the needs of others when I'm being kept as poor as I am now? Am I expected to not eat properly and compromise my utilities just to stay on the Internet for the simple sake of being on the Internet constantly, at the Internet cafe paying 2RM/hour, and the journey to and fro thereof? Don't think I've forgotten the many times people tried to run me over with their cars, and set their dogs on me as I rode my bicycle to the pizza joint. Oh, they're saying that never happened? Well, in this case, it doesn't matter what I can prove, it only matters how I feel. **snort** Nobody seems to take action to supply me with the means to sustain the needs of others, in this particular case a home Internet connection, and a new computer with an online budget. So I have to live without it, and they have to live without me. Que Sera Sera.

Anyway, Shadowplay TV was getting too dark, and I was getting tired of it, so I decided to adjust the color correction on my old laptop. Funny thing is, I've had this computer for about 7 years now, and I never could find the color correction module for this Intel 945GM chipset. I thought since it didn't have a separate graphics accelerator, then it didn't have a color correction option. But I did find it yesterday. Amazing! And after 7 years of tolerating all that darkness. So after adjusting the gamma, the whole screen became slightly washed out except for the purest blacks. What is particularly attractive to me is how your photographs become more attractive to me, because your skin and hair become much lighter. It occurs to me how I love my woman to have pale skin and bright light blond hair. SO please, don't ever darken your hair or get a tan.

Don't forget, my dearest Julia, that the goal of our marriage is to slow down, so that you can have a mate who loves you dearly, so that we can shop and eat and go places together, so that you can be a mother, and settle down. It's not the end of your work: far from it, actually. With our combined strength, we can make the demands of your work conform to your heart and well-being. InsyaAllah.

Letter to Julia 20120308

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Moth? No, not the Mothman! Hey, my sources tell me that Mothman sightings have become more frequent in the USA. Maybe it's an omen that the whole country will get flushed into the Pacific ocean cum the next president. Nah, there are no such things as omens. Only Signs of God. Now, prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) said that one of the 10 Signs of Judgement Day is that monsters will appear at late morning. SubhanAllah (Glory to Allah)! That would be much more fun to watch than TV!

In many stories, the moth or butterfly represents death and rebirth. For example, at the end of "All quiet on the Western Front", the soldier was killed by a sniper when he reached for the blue butterfly. InsyaAllah, I will still be allowed to live, but perhaps it would be more than mere survival. Perhaps soon, Allah will allow me to be happily married to my Julia, and we'll be making the love all the time, day and night. InsyaAllah! If so, I'm going to need some drugs. Sigh! Why must only old men acquire wisdom? I guess if I had gained enlightenment 20 years ago, you would only be 6 years old.