Letter to Julia 20140614

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Ray-yanch!  I mean, ranch.  Ranch dressing.  Now, there's no buttermilk here in Perlis.  No sour cream, either.  No, I don't put sour cream in ranch dressing.  I'm not going to add butter to milk, either.  I just used my Mom's powdered milk, and added enough water to make a thick cream.  Then a lot of mayo.  Not Best Foods, but freshly opened at least.  Blended them together, then opened up a pack of curry flavored ramen noodles, and used the seasoning pack.  Blended that in.  Hmmm, too salty.  More mayo.  At least I have fresh chives in the yard.  So I added a handful of finely chopped chives.  Mixed that in.  Yeah, it tastes like ranch.  Tastes really good, actually.  I needed ranch dressing for my chicken fingers last night.  Just thinly sliced chicken coated in breadcrumbs, curry powder and salt, then deep fried.  Don't overcook!  This afternoon, I had deep fried calzones.  Just dough, my sardine dip, and half a slice of cheese.  But oh so good, with ranch dressing!  I'm having the same tonight, even though the low quality mayo gives me gastritis.  I'm very sensitive to mayo.  This brings back memories of the pizza joint, where I made huge batches of ranch out of a gallon of mayo at a time.  Some people would order 20 sides of ranch for their pizza.  I would yell out, "Ray-yanch!" in my thickest cowboy accent.  You try it.  Say out loud, "RAY-YANCH!  RAY-YANCH!  AH GOTTA HAVE MAH RAY-YANCH!!!", then emphasize your statement with "YEEEEHAAAWWWW!!!!"  Uh-hyuk!  What?  You want to put ranch dressing on a salad?  Are you insane?  All right, I'll make a salad for you.  Because I love you, I love you.  And I need you, I need you.  We're going to have to use local greens though.  I'm having another deep fried calzone, but with less sardine dip.  Make it more like sardine flavored breadsticks with cheese.