Letter to Julia 20131114

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hello there Julia, my beautiful and most dignified princess.  You are my Queen, and I love you with all my heart, my most precious darling.  I have been talking a lot lately, haven't I?  I was hoping to take a little bit of a break from blogging, but it didn't turn out that way.  I do love you so, and I hate to be separated from you.  I've been thinking about why houses here have no drywall and studs, and are generally made entirely out of brick.  I'm thinking termites.  Termites flourish in this weather, and they can fly.  Wooden houses get ravaged by them.  Plus, there are many other critters out here in the tropics that could potentially make a home inside drywall panels.  I look at my floor, and it is made of concrete.  Which is fine for the ground floor, but what about the second level?  We don't want wooden beams holding up a wooden floor, would we?  The option is steel beams holding up a floor that can be tiled.  I don't expect Casa de Julia to inexpensive, otherwise I wouldn't be married at all.  I cannot take any other position than to consider your well-being.  Ya Allah, please grant me the wealth I need to be happily and securely married to Julia and Erin.

Are you being a naughty girl, Erin?  That little devil can turn into a monster if you let him take over, so you control him.  I hope you're not getting back at me for that joke I told.  Sometimes I like to tell jokes to make you and Julia smile, because I love you, and I want you to be cheerful.  That's just who I am, take it or leave it.  So please be a good girl.  A pure, chaste, and honorable woman.  A role model for girls all over the world.  There is no more "pain".  You're not on your own anymore.  You are loved.  I love you, and I will marry you inshaAllah.  You are a very precious thing, more people need you than you know.  Since your country was sold off by the bankers, what's left are natural resources like you.  So please take tender loving care of yourself in my absence.  And I will look after you when we marry, and help protect you.  InshaAllah.  Meanwhile, please eat a nice ribeye steak for me, you know, a sizzling piece of beef with the big bone sticking out.

Both of you, if the Public Eye gets too nosy and aggressive with you, just tell them "I'm his wife, inshaAllah", then refer them to me.  I will refer them to Allah.  Let them worship and fear Allah.