Monday, November 11, 2013

Letter to Julia 20131112

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, my beautiful, precious Julia.  How are you feeling today, my beloved darling?  I suppose you can tell that lately I've been watching a lot of episodes of "This Old House".  I just want my Julia to have the most awesome house, not too big I hope, but the most awesome.  InshaAllah.  I want my Julia to have a house like in those comic books, a sentient house, that speaks and self-cleans and self-repairs.  Well, at least she could have a house with the best of modern amenities.  I wonder if we could contract those guys from "This Old House".  I see they even do jobs in Mumbai, the heart of the Global Financial Gap.  So they possibly could help build Julia's house in Malaysia, where drywall and gas pipelines don't exist.  Check out this episode of "This Old House rebuilds New Orleans", Julia my dearest.  Check out the automatic power backup and the Green House.

Oh hi, Erin!  Of course I love you, and I always think of you.  I want to be there with you and embrace you, and help fight off those horrible monsters that make you feel bad.  I'm sure you are busy with your Victoria's Secret business nowadays.  I used to love making jokes about your half-naked friends, but I guess I have to stop doing that.  But I have one last joke!  I promise, no more after this one!  I'll have to admit, this is a pretty stupid joke, but here goes....  If Victoria's Secret opened a fast food chain where the staff wore only lingerie, what would you call it?  Vicky D's!  Ar! Ar! Ar!  Funny, huh?  Oh, well.


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