Letter to Julia 20131012

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful.

Hi there, beautiful girl!  Julia, you are so gorgeous, I could spend hours at a time just kissing you.  I love you so much!  Sometime in the future inshaAllah, let's take a couple days off to go to the beach at Langkawi.  My Dad says that we can put a car on the boat nowadays, and take it to the island and drive around.  Let's book a night at a nice hotel, then look around for a nice stretch of sand, and have a picnic.  Aw, you wanna go swimming?  Well, Langkawi is geared for westerners, but you Mrs. Global can't just wear your skimpy bikini anymore: you're just going to have to create or endorse some kind of Islamic swimwear.  I mean, I would love to see you in your skimpy bikini, but it's all those other people that can't.  Damned Public Eye.  I suppose I could follow you around and hide you from the telescopic lenses with a giant towel, but I'm not a strong swimmer.  Bad feet.  I'm going to need a submersible.  But what if you go surfing?  It's been about 30 years since I've been to Langkawi, but from what I remember, I loved it.  Tropical paradise.  I hope they kept it clean.  I think you're going to love it too.  Don't forget the sunblock.

Hi there, beautiful girl!  Of course you're coming with us, Erin.  InshaAllah.  Come here precious thing, let me hug and caress you, you ravishing little sweetheart.  Mwah!  Oh, I'm going to have to hold you down, huh?  I want to talk to you about learning how to hide your beauty.  I told Julia this before, and I'm telling you now, that the crowd is not your friend.  The crowd wants to run you into the ground as quickly and miserably as possible.  Don't let them!  I know you are contracted to work, but you don't have to work 24/7, right?  You don't have to wear only lingerie when you're off duty, right?  So don't wear sexy clothes when you're not being paid to do so.  Save your light.  Don't be like a cell phone with the screen that's on all the time: the battery's going to die.  Hide your beauty.  Hide, little fish, hide.  You're so beautiful, I love you, and I want to protect you.  How about a nice sweater and a loose pair of jeans with tall boots?  From now on whenever you look into the mirror, look for the shine in your eyes.  You know, like cat's eyes.  Please pray.